Sister in laws

[Maham]

Re: Sister in laws

Awww. I know it must be hard for you and you already are doing your part by still wanting to make things right but i would like to say here that try and think from their point of view also. I am not saying what they r doing is right but sometimes people lack the manners or the ability to deal with issues they may have with you. Try and build a better relationship with yr elder sis, have a heart to heart with her and clear any misconceptions she may have of you. Remember she is your to be husband’s sister so its the best you guys get along well. Maybe since you guys got engaged, they feel their bros is not giving them enough time or even attention. It’s your fiance’s responsibility too here to make sure he is balancing every relationship well. It can be hard but it has to be done if you want to have a happy family life.

You are MasAllah se lucky your inlaws and fiance understand you so i think its only fair you do your extra bit and try and make the rest of the family comfortable with you too. You’ll be the winner in the end as nobody wins with having egos or such petty issues in mind. So just be the better person and try sort things out.

Good luck

@SoniaA

Hi all,

(I’m currently engaged and due to wed next december )

I guess this topic has been done to death, but i need some seriously advice as when i tell my friends or family member everyone gets annoyed at my sis in laws ( once i told my cousin and my friend they became very horrid with them by ignoring etc)

My issues are:

• when i go for dinner/ or alone to see them my sister in laws run upstairs in their rooms and come down here and there leaving me looking like a dummy

• eldest sister in law thinks she can shout at me ( once she offered me water and i politely declined as i had no food to eat and i generally drink when i eat… half an hour later my fiance asked me if i wanted a drink i said oh yes ( i had food then) so she decided to shout OH WHEN I ASKED YOU FOR WATER YOU SAID NO SONIA WHEN FIANCE asks you you said YES what is your problem)

• dont bother with me in general when i do so much for them like buy them presents for all their birthdays, passing exams, anything. When they come to my home for dinner i tend to get all the stuff they like to eat

my eldest SIL got married in jan this year all through out her preparation i wasnt involved not that i didnt try to be… i got bits and bobs for her wedding myself like choorian, mehendi stuff etc. My r’ship is quite distant with all 3 of them. we dont tend to go shopping or anything, and they never cme to my house unless invited for dinner. I have tried so hard for the past 3 years ( when me and my fiance were dating) to build a r’ship with them same as how my phabi is with me!

now when my elder SIL got married they lied to me about not having their clothes made or ready, i only asked once when i wanted to know the theme i thought as their phabi to be i should have similar colours to them. But they never showed me until i took their mehendi clothes to my darzi to have made, and all the other clothes i was not shown, which is fine not moaning but its just nice to have that r’ship with your phabi.

now recently my bahi jaan is getting married and i txt my 2 younger SIL if they wanted to wear long dresses for my bahi’s registration as they are my family to and we dont have many girls in the family ( only 3 girls rest are boys!) i did not txt my elder SIL in the opinion that she is married and her husband probably wont approve and i know it.

a few hours later i get a response NO we dont want to thanks its against our culture and we will pick and wear what ever we like thanks. i burst out crying because they are always like this with me, my fiance was with me and he read the txt etc and went home and had a go at them which i told him not to do.

i called my middle SIL the next day and apologised to her that my fiance shouldnt have had a go. but she completely went for me and told me blantantly they dont like me because i dont like their older sister ( forgot to mention she did little drama’s on her wedding like on teil mehendi claim i put oil in her hair, or on her walima i did not know she was wearing purple she kept it a secret from me , my clothes has a bit of purple in them, or start crying when my parents bought me a new car during her wedding as my car got smashed in an accident a few months earlier)

I know people have issue’s with a new family, but i have tried so hard and i give up. It hurts when you geniunely love people and they in fact hate you and you dont know why.

It affects my r’ship with my fiance because he is torn , he supports me yet he has to live in the same house as them.

Oh my parents in laws do know about the txt etc , and they had a word with them. My mother in law bless her she is so sweet was going to drag them to my house to apologise. they apologised to my fiance and apparently said that they shouldnt have done that. I dont want an apology really i just want them to understand im not horrible, i am a nice person.

i just dont know what to do , it hurts me so much and has me in tears. I’m SO nice to my phabi and phabi to be , am i just expecting to much?