Mum’s the word
Single mothers and lovin’ it. Meet some single tricity moms who went beyond marital failure to taste success as a professional and as a parent
A wise man once said, It’s no disgrace to start over, it’s usually an opportunity. And what if this opportunity comes your way after a failed marriage, or let’s say because you decided so. We are talking about mothers who single-handedly took charge of their as well as their children’s life, shoving away the conventional hazards of single parenting in a society that conveniently works on taboos and tags.
If we had a shining example in the form of Sushmita Sen who gladly broke the ‘can’t be a mother without marriage’ taboo and inspired many others to follow, we were equally inspired by Alesia Raut, (the stunner model who recently visited the city for a fashion show), for her guts to walk out of an abusive relationship and then take her two-year old son’s custody. Well that’s from the glam world, but from the real life we have women in our own city, who decided to live life on their own terms— for the sake of their kids. Divorce or determination, these single mothers need no back-up, or a man to take care of them.
“Being a divorcee is not a label any more. But it’s an option for a woman to choose a happy life over a compromise. And kids are no more a reason to stay in a stifling relationship,” says Neeru Talwar, a manager with a reputed educational organisation in the city. Taking a failed marriage in her stride, the woman, who didn’t even complete her studies when she got married, started her life from the scratch with two children in tow.
“I never wanted a bechari tag after my divorce. My options were not crying and feeling sorry for myself, but giving my children a better future, a good lifestyle, sans a back-up,” she says. Her two teenaged children are looking forward to a shining future.
Another ‘odd one out’ is Nirupama Dutt, a single mom by choice and not fate. After 11 years of a highly successful profession in the media, the lady decided to become a mother but not marry. “Mine was always a mother-daughter household, so when I decided to adopt, I did not face much opposition and had the support of my family and friends. But even then, when you take such decisions, it comes as a surprise,” she says. What about community acceptance? “The term society is very abstract, and not only just Indian but all societies work on this man-woman-child module. To stand and fight for your decision needs inner resources. If you accept it, then the world will accept it too, no one can come and question you,” says Nirupama.
Neeru, on the other hand, has an aggressive approach towards the topic, “You have to choose between living life as a social servant or being a survivor. Problems do come, but you have to be determined and courageous enough to face them. No one comes to wipe your tears or clean your mess.” But after the struggle comes the satisfaction. “It’s been a rewarding experience in a complete respect,” shares Nirupama. As for Neeru, “I am happy to have made my own identity and lead a dignified life.” And now she is ready to lend a hand to others by opening an NGO for counseling and providing help to single parents.
Coming back to Alesia Raut, the supermodel example of a single mom. The young half-Russian and half-Indian beauty walked out of an abusive marriage and went on to make a mark in the glamour world. “I had to fight for my son, Mark, as he was in Russia. But the Indian embassy helped me and once I got him back my only aim was to rebuild our lives. I could have broken down completely after my marriage failed, but I decided otherwise,” she says. Of course, and it was the best that could happen to them.
But it’s not always about struggle; it’s fun too. “I was once telling a married couple how difficult it was to be a single mother, when the wife replied, “Even when you are married, you are a single parent”. That is a reality with a funny punch,” shares Nirupama.