But then they will also ditch each other very quickly if they find someone else more attractive. I don't think its a fair comparison. In the west there is a lot of individualism; their loyalty lies only to themselves and they are taught to be independent right from the childhood. For pakistanis, the loyalty lies with the family. I am not saying one is better than the other, but if I have to choose between my needs and that of my family's, it will always be those of the family. Others who were brought up in the west may not agree or even be vehemently opposed to it or maybe just LOL it as ridiculous. But that is the way it is. If you are thinking of getting married to someone born in Pakistan then you have to understand and accept that part. If not, dont pursue such rishtas. You will be hurting yourself and a lot of people involved.
Why not..in my surrounding men openly mention wife profession..whether they are english or desi.
What is wrong with a man being proud of his wife profession if by any chance it is higher than his.
The dating site for rishtas is wrong overall...no argument here from me
And i dont see what isthe big deal with helping the spouse's parents.tgey are elders and it is the younger working class who should look after them. Sensible couple would help both parents or the parents in most need .
It is ok for a wife to expect husband to Assist her parents when in need but it is a crime for husband to expect wife to assist his parents?i say this is very close minded thoughts!
E=eastern11;9980175]Goras also don't put emphasis on what profession their wife has. Whatever the profession, the wife contributes according to their pay check. No gora openly advertises on dating websites "only doctors, engineers and MBAs need to apply". Also no gori wife needs to worry that their hard earned money is going towards phenawani to the susral, for show off reasons only while she can't give the same to her own family for the same purpose.
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My husband is extremely proud of me and for what I have accomplished. He openly tells others the same. Ain't nothing wrong with that. It becomes a problem when one spouse is being taken for granted and gets nothing out of the marriage. It could be the guy or the girl.
Gosh, some people ran away after I said that because " America main to dono ok kamana parta hay". But at least this would weed out people who would be after me for financial security. Someone I know is a huge career oriented person who has no intention giving up her career, but she always makes it clear that working or not working should be her choice, not that " tum bhi kamo ge toh ghar chaly ga". She actually gave up a cardiologist rishta because he said he wanted a professional woman.
So it's okay for you to go after fat wallets but when he does it, he is laalchi. Wow! How dare he expect his honay wali to work! You should have a choice but he shouldn't, right?
Goras proudly mention their spouses' profession not dictate what profession they should be to grab more money. Not only rishta sites, people who are seeking rishtay openly say what their demands are in terms of their spouse's profession and these are usually professions where the money is good.
I saw one desi guy congratulating another desi that he made the better decision of marrying an engineer rather than a doctor like he did because the doctor would need to pass USMLEs etc while the engineer could start work right away.
Regarding helping both sets of parents, it should be both sets if the need is on both sides, but in our society it is looked down upon if a girl helps her parents. Only the guy is entitled to. I know of a case personally, girl is a doctor and the guy an engineer, while both make good salaries, the doctor out earns the guy. But he has told her in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to send even $100 to get widowed mother because she has 3 brothers who should take care of her. While the guy sends money to his family even though he has brothers as well!
Why not..in my surrounding men openly mention wife profession..whether they are english or desi.
What is wrong with a man being proud of his wife profession if by any chance it is higher than his.
The dating site for rishtas is wrong overall...no argument here from me
And i dont see what isthe big deal with helping the spouse's parents.tgey are elders and it is the younger working class who should look after them. Sensible couple would help both parents or the parents in most need .
It is ok for a wife to expect husband to Assist her parents when in need but it is a crime for husband to expect wife to assist his parents?i say this is very close minded thoughts!
E=eastern11;9980175]Goras also don't put emphasis on what profession their wife has. Whatever the profession, the wife contributes according to their pay check. No gora openly advertises on dating websites "only doctors, engineers and MBAs need to apply". Also no gori wife needs to worry that their hard earned money is going towards phenawani to the susral, for show off reasons only while she can't give the same to her own family for the same purpose.
Actually no, in my case I made sure that the guy was not a workaholic and did not work late hours to get ahead etc. I wanted an educated man with a masters degree but not someone who scrimped on family life just to get ahead. I was prepared to live on less but wanted more family time And I was the same way with myself. Even though I was in middle management, I did not want to switch family life for promotions so it's ok to make sure you get a spouse who's on the same page. Of course it's ok if both partners want to spend long hours at work trying to excel in their profession, but it works if both are on the same page.
And regarding people who want their spouse to work, sure it's their right, but they should make use to marry someone on the same page. There are men who don't care either way, and there are many women who would be their ideal. Also, regarding goras, they also are not forced to live with extended families and cook for them, nor provide dowries and phenawy joras. If they decide to live with in laws it's a joint decision and neither is the gora's wife supposed to be 100% in charge of cooking despite working as many hours as the husband because this is what we do.
So it's okay for you to go after fat wallets but when he does it, he is laalchi. Wow! How dare he expect his honay wali to work! You should have a choice but he shouldn't, right?
you might marry someone on the same page, but what are the guarantee you will remian on the same page after few year , in terms of career..
and personally i dont see why living and cooking for in laws has become among the desis in the west.. dont you help out at home..doesnt your mother cook for the whole family despite working... (i dont mean your mother litterally but mothers in general)
i work full time and yet come home and cook...if i can do so at my parents then what is the pb doing so at your inlaws..its your house after all your not doing anyone a favor..your just working and cooking in your own house...be it at inlaws,,at your parents or your and ur husband house...
Actually no, in my case I made sure that the guy was not a workaholic and did not work late hours to get ahead etc. I wanted an educated man with a masters degree but not someone who scrimped on family life just to get ahead. I was prepared to live on less but wanted more family time And I was the same way with myself. Even though I was in middle management, I did not want to switch family life for promotions so it's ok to make sure you get a spouse who's on the same page. Of course it's ok if both partners want to spend long hours at work trying to excel in their profession, but it works if both are on the same page.
And regarding people who want their spouse to work, sure it's their right, but they should make use to marry someone on the same page. There are men who don't care either way, and there are many women who would be their ideal. Also, regarding goras, they also are not forced to live with extended families and cook for them, nor provide dowries and phenawy joras. If they decide to live with in laws it's a joint decision and neither is the gora's wife supposed to be 100% in charge of cooking despite working as many hours as the husband because this is what we do.
^In the west it's expected husbands and/or sons at least help out sometimes.. it's considered quite rude to expect the mum and/or sisters to cook for the men of he house whilst they barely lift a finger.. Many of us work just as hard as our husbands, brothers and fathers and don't appreciate being expected to do all the housework on top of that..
I'm not saying women shouldn't do housework but we expect it to be shared a bit more fairly..
Personally I don't like my husband to cook at all. I like to do all the housework if I am able to, but if women are supposed to share in finances then men are supposed to share in housework and child rearing too. My husband does nt have a problem keeping the kids on a weekend if I am running an errand but I have seen many desi women proudly say how their husbands wouldn't be caught dead baby sitting ever, no matter how important the work is, they have to take the kid along. No matter that the moms also work the same hours at work. Also, many desi men would not be caught dead doing major groceries. The mom has to manage it on the way back to work or however.
you might marry someone on the same page, but what are the guarantee you will remian on the same page after few year , in terms of career..
and personally i dont see why living and cooking for in laws has become among the desis in the west.. dont you help out at home..doesnt your mother cook for the whole family despite working... (i dont mean your mother litterally but mothers in general)
i work full time and yet come home and cook...if i can do so at my parents then what is the pb doing so at your inlaws..its your house after all your not doing anyone a favor..your just working and cooking in your own house...be it at inlaws,,at your parents or your and ur husband house...
All i know is sincere person looks at person itself first. If the fella is ambitious...hard working...able to provide for her and keep her happy. Choose a honest individual...then everthing in life falls into a place. I have known ppl...who didnt have job or were struggling...bit after they got married. So take life by one by one. And to my fellow men..make sure to choose a partner...who likes you for who you are....no matter what the world says...everything eventually falls into a place.
Problem is, desis expect women to be a complete eastern woman in terms of cooking, cleaning, taking cars of in laws, not answering back no matter how the in laws may demean their own parents, the woman's parents can't live with her but the in laws can. They are given. Fixed allowance to live on and do everything with the husband's permission. That's all fine except that they tack on the added , but you also must earn and contribute to the household and your husband is the boss so he will decide what to do with the money that's brought in.
^In the west it's expected husbands and/or sons at least help out sometimes.. it's considered quite rude to expect the mum and/or sisters to cook for the men of he house whilst they barely lift a finger.. Many of us work just as hard as our husbands, brothers and fathers and don't appreciate being expected to do all the housework on top of that..
I'm not saying women shouldn't do housework but we expect it to be shared a bit more fairly..
Lets say down the road your husband thinks kids need more attention that you should stay home instead. But you win that argument over and continue to work; do you still expect him to pitch in with the housework?