Asalam-o-alikam!
Mai phir hazir ho aik new kahani k saath. jaisay mai nay pehlay b yeh baat discuss ki thi k i woz having an issue with my BF about moving to pak after marriage. Now this issue has ended like this:-
He has decided that he’z not gonna move to uk after marraige and i have decided that i am not goona move to pak. We had a disscussion on this for the last 2months. Now that we have decided not to move out, I told him that its better not to stay in touch wih each other any more and by this i mean BREAK OFF!
BUT he wants to stay with me as a frnd. Now i really dun wanna keep this frndship because i know i wont be able to give the same respect, time, and love to this frndship that i usd to give b4 so i dun see a point why we shud b frndz i mean jab ap ko pata hy k ap kesi ko khushi nahe day paain gay to kaya faida us k sath rehnay ka???
Hamary dermiyan jo b hoa i cant disscussed it ere but jo b hoa us k bad i really wanna stay away from all this love shove and just wanna concentrate on my studies…But i do wanna say one thing that he is a very aggressive and stubbon person, zid and ghussay mai woh nahe daikhaty k kaya ker rahay hy and this thing kills me because woh hamesha koi aisa kam ker jatay hy ghussay mai jis say hamari narazgi aur ber jati hy and then he wud blame me k agar tum yon na kerti to mujay ghussa na atta aur yeh sab na hota!
He said that hez goona stay in touch with me whether i like it or not. And if i change ma number to woh meray gher p call karay ga and for some reason i didn’t tell my father about him but my Mum knows about him.
Ab is problem ka kaya solution hy??? I mean i have decided that i dun wanna stay with him but meri khuch personall problem hy jis ki waja sy mai nay apnay father ko is cheez k baray mai nahe bataya and ab agar unhay us baat ki banak b per gai to…
So guyz plz help me…mai is situation ko kaisay handle kero ???
I need ur sincere advice please!
Well I think you have done the right thing .. the guy did seem to be quite aggressive in the way he communicated with you ... Khair moving on in life can be tough , but glad you are strong about it.
since your mom already knows , dont take his rowdy talk so seriously...let her deal with it if he becomes nasty ...
on the other hand , I also feel that with people like him abruptly ending it all can hit their ego and they can become crazy maniacs , so the best way to handle people like him is to to reduce close communication slowly , until it dies down on its own ...
Like dont get involved in conversations ... if he says hi ..just do a few seconds general hello hi and end the chat ... slowly his attention will get taken up in other things and perhaps the communication will die out ... but make sure you dont share any personal stuff no more ... even if he provokes you .
oh good...you've taken the right decision...ab usse koi contact mat rakho..and move on...since ur mother already knows about him...unko yeh sab bata do...she will handle this..and concentrate on your studies...good luck:)
Very childish indeed that he cant respect your wishes that hes gonna ring you after you said you dont want it. I suggest tell your mum what he said, just incase he does decide to ring, your mum can sort him out. Its good you've taken this decision and its good you've decided to focus on your studies. Again tell your mum that he might ring up just incase he catches her off guard.
Tell your mum about his threat of ringing and if worst comes to worse that you
dont wont your dad to find out maybe change your landline numba aswell.
Dont feel threatned to stay in contact.
For this i would have to think of a reason why i wanna change the number?
i would have to convince my parents..........And i can't think of any reason at the moment :(
**Very childish indeed that he cant respect your wishes that hes gonna ring you after you said you dont want it. **I suggest tell your mum what he said, just incase he does decide to ring, your mum can sort him out. Its good you've taken this decision and its good you've decided to focus on your studies. Again tell your mum that he might ring up just incase he catches her off guard.
According to him, my decision is wrong and em being unfair to him so he'z not gonna let all happen thats y he wud not stop calling me until i am convinced to be his frnd......
Well I think you have done the right thing .. the guy did seem to be quite aggressive in the way he communicated with you ... Khair moving on in life can be tough , but glad you are strong about it.
since your mom already knows , dont take his rowdy talk so seriously...let her deal with it if he becomes nasty ...
on the other hand , I also feel that with people like him abruptly ending it all can hit their ego and they can become crazy maniacs , *so the best way to handle people like him is to to reduce close communication slowly , until it dies down on its own ... *
Like dont get involved in conversations ... if he says hi ..just do a few seconds general hello hi and end the chat ... slowly his attention will get taken up in other things and perhaps the communication will die out ... but make sure you dont share any personal stuff no more ... even if he provokes you .
I agree with CB. If he really has accepted that it's not going anywhere for the two of you, he won't find it strange if you communicate with him less. You said you want to concentrate on your studies so do that and he shouldn't kick up a fuss if that's your excuse if he asks you why you're not around. Don't be online so much etc.
Hopefully things will die out on their own (unless he's a nutter and can't let go).
According to him, my decision is wrong and em being unfair to him so he'z not goona let all this happen......
Hes emotionally blackmailing you. You really need to change your numbers. And all kind of contact that he has. And again tell your mum so she can just change your house number. My hearts beating fast thinking what your abbu would do if he found out.... especially as he has your house number....................................................................................
I agree with CB. If he really has accepted that it's not going anywhere for the two of you, he won't find it strange if you communicate with him less. You said you want to concentrate on your studies so do that and he shouldn't kick up a fuss if that's your excuse if he asks you why you're not around. Don't be online so much etc.
Hopefully things will die out on their own (unless he's a nutter and can't letgo).
Obviously hes a nutter, Hes saying hes gonna ring her house fone for goodness sake, How possesive can you get? What a freak.. He needs to let go!! Not do a shady move like that! Poor girl.
Obviously hes a nutter, Hes saying hes gonna ring her house fone for goodness sake, How possesive can you get? What a freak.. He needs to let go!! Not do a shady move like that! Poor girl.
Err yes but I don't think our poster has figured that out for herself yet.
I think it's inevitable that he won't let go and will expect the same level of commitment. Only when she discovers that for herself will she be prepared to take a more drastic step.
Hence, slow down communication, give him the chance to back off and occupy himself elsewhere. If/when he doesn't, she'll figure out what to do.
OH yes your so right, OH MY GOOOOOOODDDNESSS GOODY GOODY WOODYY POOOOOOOOO HOW DAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR ASK THAT QUESTION U KNOW HOW ALL US WOMEN R SO INDEPENDENT, LIKE O M G WE DONT HAVE A COMPLEX, all the ladies independent thro yo hands up at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Asalam-o-alikam!
Mai phir hazir ho aik new kahani k saath. jaisay mai nay pehlay b yeh baat discuss ki thi k i woz having an issue with my BF about moving to pak after marriage. Now this issue has ended like this:-
He has decided that he'z not gonna move to uk after marraige and i have decided that i am not goona move to pak. We had a disscussion on this for the last 2months. Now that we have decided not to move out, I told him that its better not to stay in touch wih each other any more and by this i mean BREAK OFF!BUT he wants to stay with me as a frnd. Now i really dun wanna keep this frndship because i know i wont be able to give the same respect, time, and love to this frndship that i usd to give b4 so i dun see a point why we shud b frndz i mean jab ap ko pata hy k ap kesi ko khushi nahe day paain gay to kaya faida us k sath rehnay ka???
Hamary dermiyan jo b hoa i cant disscussed it ere but jo b hoa us k bad i really wanna stay away from all this love shove and just wanna concentrate on my studies...But i do wanna say one thing that he is a very aggressive and stubbon person, zid and ghussay mai woh nahe daikhaty k kaya ker rahay hy and this thing kills me because woh hamesha koi aisa kam ker jatay hy ghussay mai jis say hamari narazgi aur ber jati hy and then he wud blame me k agar tum yon na kerti to mujay ghussa na atta aur yeh sab na hota!
He said that hez goona stay in touch with me whether i like it or not. And if i change ma number to woh meray gher p call karay ga and for some reason i didn't tell my father about him but my Mum knows about him.
Ab is problem ka kaya solution hy??? I mean i have decided that i dun wanna stay with him but meri khuch personall problem hy jis ki waja sy mai nay apnay father ko is cheez k baray mai nahe bataya and ab agar unhay us baat ki banak b per gai to...........
So guyz plz help me....mai is situation ko kaisay handle kero ???
I need ur sincere advice please!
If you told him that you do not want to stay in communiation. He should not.
Unless you have some weakness which you admitted and you mentioned it in
your blue part of sentence. And you do not want to have your father to know about this. (Not sure if your mother knows all the details)
..you had something which you do not want to tell others.
That is fine. He is taking advantage of this and he is totally wrong.
Solution:
1 Confide with your mother.
2 Ask her to tell your father some weirdo is following you...from some common place.
3 Do not talk to him or have any communication with him. (one option)
4 Slow break off is another idea also withthout giving him too much information. (second option)