Since every one on Life1 is talking about jewelery, i have something to ask too which may have been asked earlier.
My in-laws have said an explicit No on Jahaiz, they will not accept any Jahaiz from us. But my parents have bought gold jewelery for them to gift them before the wedding.
Now I am wondering, will they take it as Jahaiz or as a gift? Its kind of scary because I know my in-laws are very strict on the matter of Jahaiz but gifting families is a norm in our households and some in fact mind it and create a huge fuss if not gifted.
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
Daffy! If the family is very strict about this, then i hope you guys don't offend them by giving them anything that they are not comfortable with. Your parents can give it to you as you are their daughter and they have a right to spend on you.
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
jahez or dowry is what parents give to their daughters including furniture clothes appliances and loads of other totally not required stuff..
However the gold gifts you got for them are a gift..they wouldnt be considered as jahez since you wouldnt be using them ! I don't think they would get offended at a present but they would however surely protest considering they are so nice already about not asking for jahez :D
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
My in-laws have said an explicit No on Jahaiz, they will not accept any Jahaiz from us. But **my parents **have bought gold jewelery for them to gift them before the wedding.
Now I am wondering, will they take it as Jahaiz or as a gift? Its kind of scary because I know my in-laws are very strict on the matter of Jahaiz but gifting families is a norm in our households and some in fact mind it and create a huge fuss if not gifted.
1) If your PARENTS bought the gold...then who are these "some" that mind if things aren't gifted? Do you guys "announce" what you gave or do it in public?
2) This should be strictly betweek you, your parents, your fiance/husband, and his parents. Leave everyone else out of it. At the end of the day, its no one else's business.
3) If giving the gold before the wedding may be viewed as jahaiz by your in-laws and could possibly offend them (which of course will effect YOUR husband/marriage).....why take that risk? Is this gold-giving tradition really worth starting your marriage with bad feelings b/t your family and your in-laws? This is something you and your parents need to decide.
4) Assuming you're willing to not take a chance and start your marriage on a "good note" with your in-laws......tell your parents to give them the gold AFTER the wedding. Find a special occassions (Eid...birth of your 1st child...whatever)....and give them the gold at that time. Then there won't be any reason for them to associate the gold with the wedding.
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
Exactly thats the confusion:
In some families,
Jahaiz is that what is gifted to the daughter VERSUS Jahaiz is what is gifted to daughter or in-laws .. I don't know what my in-laws consider the gold gifts to them
If its: Jahaiz is that what is gifted to the daughter - They might have expectations of gifts for them as is a custom in families as for gold & suits for the family and if we dont give the gold it might be offensive, not sure though!
*Jahaiz is what is gifted to daughter or in-laws *- They might get offended that we gave it even though they had explicitly said no to jahaiz.
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
my in laws use to say thing before wedding..but after wedding i keep hearing that how my parents didnt gave me much in jahaiz..sometimes i feel so sad ..
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
I can see why you are so confused. Because sometimes even when people say they don't want jahaiz, they don't really mean it. I hope your in laws are the nice type and they actually do mean it. However, most people expect gifts on the wedding day, and make a big fuss and taunt the bahu and her parents for being 'stingy'/ As if the girl's family owes it to them. Look at angel25's case.
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
If they've said they don't want it and you know that they are strict on their personal beliefs then they may not take it well to receive such expensive gifts.
Not everybody wants gifts galore when they get married. Some people have the common sense to know that it is the union taking place that is important, not the exchange of gifts.
To the person who said that their in laws stated they didn't want gifts but afterwards made comments on how little they received, well shame on them. This is very bad manners on their part. I wouldn't give their jibes the time of day!
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
I can see why you are so confused. Because sometimes even when people say they don't want jahaiz, they don't really mean it. I hope your in laws are the nice type and they actually do mean it. However, most people expect gifts on the wedding day, and make a big fuss and taunt the bahu and her parents for being 'stingy'/ As if the girl's family owes it to them. Look at angel25's case.
yes right..it all depends on if they really mean it or do they really dont want anything..
for my case, as i was moving to another country, my in laws said that they dont want any furniture in pakistan (from us) as they dont stay in pakistan much so it will be waste of money. so what my parents did, they gave me cash so that when i move to usa, i can buy furniture here. but when we went for BIL wedding in pakistan , then i heard my MIL telling someone that my parents should at least bought a bed and dressing table in pakistan so that now she (me) could use it..
about gold as gifts..my mom gifted my MIL a gold kangan ...later my MIL complained that she didnt lke the design
i am against gifting gold to in laws. these days gold is so expensive..60 000 a tolla and with making price it will cost almost 75 000 a tolla
Dafftduck if your parents can afford it then its ok or else you can gift them something else..like 2-3 suits, with perfume, etc in a beautifully wrapped basket.
Re: .. Since there is so much talk about jewellery
My in-laws are pretty clear on it - They have just said clothes & jewellery for your daughter. Please dont make any of the furniture, crockery & co. stuff.