i was unwell for few days. food poisoning. i expect husband to aleast ask how me how i am each day. he didnt ask me infront of his mum. in fact he never asks how i am,. do i need anything etc iof im ill and his mums there. he does everything for me etc, but infront of his mum i get the feeling he doesnt want to come across as a loving husband. well what other reason could here be?
SO was angry he never offered me tea at breakfast, i said `oh infront of ur mum in not even human etc, he said u r not a choti bachi u can get it urself.
fine, well men are not chotey bachay, why do we cook and clean for them on a daily basis. regardless of wether they are ill or not.
had a row.
will now wait for everyone to side with him. and tell me im wrong.
I don't think your wrong.
I think it's our false Pakistani man pride that won't let him ask in front of his mum.
I mean he doesn't want people thinking he is under the thumb....
i was unwell for few days. food poisoning. i expect husband to aleast ask how me how i am each day. he didnt ask me infront of his mum. in fact he never asks how i am,. do i need anything etc iof im ill and his mums there. he does everything for me etc, but infront of his mum i get the feeling he doesnt want to come across as a loving husband. well what other reason could here be?
SO was angry he never offered me tea at breakfast, i said `oh infront of ur mum in not even human etc, he said u r not a choti bachi u can get it urself.
fine, well men are not chotey bachay, why do we cook and clean for them on a daily basis. regardless of wether they are ill or not.
had a row.
will now wait for everyone to side with him. and tell me im wrong.
waiting.
The bolded part says it all, what more do you want? If he already informed about your health in private, then why do you want him to do it again when his mother is around?
Yes it should not be a problem for him to do it in the presence of others, but he doesn't do it for whatever reason, so let it be. As long as he cares for you, and he does. And that is what matters the most.
Yunh dekho, Others (especially the ones who don't like you) don't need to know how you and your husband function together and how much you love and care for each other. It's better if your interactions and love with husband stay out of the sight of such people. Na koi nazar lagaye ga, na koi jallay ga aur na koi aag laganay ki koshish karay ga.
Call it superstition, but you are better off in that way. Especially since your saas does not really like you. So she doesn not need to know all that. The less she (and others) knows, the better for you.
Everyone has told you this again and again, learn to pick your battles, otherwise your behavior will turn your husband against you.
I hereby bestow upon your husband the title of "the most patient person to have crapped on the face of the earth". He is a god among men, with unparallelled tolerance for BS and patience that would put saints to shame.
nadz's husband, wherever you are, whoever you are, I feel for you man.
Nadz its very normal for guys to do this. It's not only front of his mum you might also notice this type of behavior front of other guys, cousins, friends and family elders. This is very normal for typical desi guys. Its a pride issue. As long as he is taking care of you (which you said he does,) ignore the little silly behavior. My hubby changes our toddlers diaper at home but has made it very clear that he won't do it at someone elses house. Instead of creating a issue i just said ok...and moved on. You can do the same...and not embarass him.
This thread could have very easily gone to the next step if ur husband did it like u wanted. "MIL has planned a vendetta against me to make me look bad in his eyes just because he asked about my health in front of her, what do I do". Then we would be telling u to lay low and talk to ur husband about not being so outright concerned about u in front of others (mil, FIL, maid, rishtedaar) and he can ask about u when u guys are alone. How's that for lookin at the silver lining. This guy is coming up with ways to keep both of u happy and is basically being shot down, damned if u do and damned if u don't.
This thread could have very easily gone to the next step if ur husband did it like u wanted. "MIL has planned a vendetta against me to make me look bad in his eyes just because he asked about my health in front of her, what do I do". Then we would be telling u to lay low and talk to ur husband about not being so outright concerned about u in front of others (mil, FIL, maid, rishtedaar) and he can ask about u when u guys are alone. How's that for lookin at the silver lining. This guy is coming up with ways to keep both of u happy and is basically being shot down, damned if u do and damned if u don't.
Honestly, I agree with other posters about choosing your battles. Your husband seems like hes trying to keep two very stubborn women happy. So this is his way of doing this.
Seriously, just try and forgive and forget. Focus on being happy and not dwelling on all the little crappy things. I mean, no ones perfect right?
First of all u r lucky since u said yourself that " he does everything for me etc" !!!! So he obviously really cares about you.
He doesn't have to do everything for u but he does, so what difference does it make if he doesn't in front of his mum?? My husband rarely does anything for me as it is, and he definitely would not in front of my family or his own. That's just the way most desi men are. But it doesnt mean that my husband doesnt care about me.
U don't get along with his mum in the 1st place and your husband is stuck between you both. If he runs around after you in front of his mum it would only cause more issues. Anyway I think it's showbaazi and chinchorapun when couples show in front of others.
*Sometimes it's more annoying when people show concern with their words, but not actions. For example, they'll ask how you're doing but they won't do things that reflect concern. Of course this also depends on the type of relationship. But if your words are not supported by actions, they are just a formality. If your husband "does everything" for you, he's giving you more than formality; so cut him slack on the comparatively "lesser" things. *
but infront of his mum i get the feeling he doesnt want to come across as a loving husband. well what other reason could here be?
*There actually could be another reason why he doesn't do this in front of his mother. He doesn't want to create drama for himself, for his sick wife, and his mom. If he knows that his mom will react sensitively if he were to show you affection in front of her and thus create more problems for you and others, it's better he avoid it. Plus there have been several times where your husband has supported you over his mom in both trifling matters and major ones. *
I don’t know about you or any other women here, but when I prepare food or do chores around the house specifically for my husband, I do it b/c I love him. Plain & simple. My husband lived on his own for almost a decade before I moved in. He’s a great cook & has no problem cleaning around the house. I don’t do things for him because I have to. I do it because I WANT to out of love & care for my life partner.
BTW, what cleaning & cooking do you do exactly? Did the kaamwali get fired? Did your MIL stop preparing meals? Forget your husband’s…do you even wash your own clothes?
Lolz...nadzy, it is funny how you manage to create issues when there are no issues. You need to take a chill pill or daughters will inherit your negativity.
I'm not sure how I would deal with the MIL being the way you described. I'm not saying your situation is ideal with the in laws not being so nice to you but you have your man being sweet to you in actions like RV said. I rather have that than empty,showy words that mean nothing. I hope you're thankful that he shows he cares for you.
Desi men are just not as demonstrative about love. It's not him, it's the culture. You know your husband loves you and cares for you. And whether he publicly says it or not, trust me - your MIL knows it too. You have nothing to prove to her. Just let go of these minor things.
:nono:
