I’ve been a silent reader for about 2 years and its commendable how posters here take out time from their lives to help and advice others. I didn’t have anyone else to give me an unbiased opinion so here I am.
I’ve a friend of almost 5-6 years whose been really close to me. I’ve always found her personality to be very strong and dominating and it never bothered me until recently.
A little background story: I met her in a university in dubai, from where i transferred to a university in Canada to pursue to my degree. We still managed to keep in touch but she would get upset if i wouldn’t reply to her texts right away. I managed to please her from miles away, because she meant a lot to me. In subsequent years i went through an abusive engagement and a broken relationship where the guy disappeared the day before he said he’s parents will come see my parents with the proposal. Also, to get out of the abusive engagement which emotionally and mentally drained me, i left my house with little cash on me that i had save because my father started emotionally blackmailing me to save the honor of the family and ended up hitting me a couple of times. However, after a roller coaster ride of past 5 years, im at a much better place now Alhamdulilah.
On the other hand, my friend had been dating a guy she knew she won’t be able to marry because he wasn’t from her cast (she never told her parents about my transfer to Canada so that she could use my name to sneak out and meet her guy, hence my parents are not really allowed to meet her parents anymore) I confronted her about this a few times but she said its just hard to let him go, I’ll do so once i get engaged to someone else. She been getting a lot of proposals lately (mashaAllah) but she and her family keep rejecting them on the bases of either physical appearance or the family just not being rich enough. That’s completely their call.
I had my Nikkah to my best friend a few weeks ago, Ruksati is in a year. Alhamdulilah.
So here’s the problem. My sister and i made plans to have an outing together to an annual event, my sister had planned the whole thing and bought tickets for both of us. My friend asked if she can join us, i told her i don’t have a problem but let me check with my sister. My sister wasn’t comfortable with her being there because she doesn’t know her so well and she just wanted to have a sister time. I said the same thing politely to my friend, and suggested if she takes someone else as i won’t be able to give her time there. On this,my friend flipped out on me and said what my sister did was absolutely wrong and it was unfair that i just cancelled on her. How can i not be available for her? She went on blaming it on my nikkah, saying that since I’m married now, i’ve changed and no more have time for her. I’ve shown my true colors by not being there for her during her tough times. Being married now, she said. She thinks she’s not worthy of my company anymore.
I tried to reason with her but she just wouldn’t listen and i lost my patience and snapped at her. I’m very defensive about my sister, and when she started bashing my sister, i couldn’t keep my cool and lost it. I know what i did was wrong and I’ve apologised but she’s in no mood to patch things up.
My question: is it worth fighting for this friendship? Should i have pleased her instead of my sister? I’m feeling really guilty and not sure what to do. Please advice?
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
You've answered your own question: if you ask whether a friendship is worth saving, then it likely isn't.
All of us grow and change with time and some friendships don't stand up to the test of time since the two people grow and change in ways where they have little in common. The way you've described this friendship, your friend is a taker more than a giver - I'd start to distance myself from her since inevitably when you have your rukhsati, you'll have even less time for her. Better you ease out of this relationship now.
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
Oye, I saw this thread and thought to myself, my computer has been hacked into because I didn't start this thread. LOL
Welcome, madz #2. As for your question, I'd say give it time. Let things cool off then see if the attitude changes. Family is more important than friends. And friends shouldn't take you for granted. Maybe something else is going on with her and she is taking it out on you.
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
I guess originality is something desi girls lack 
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
You've answered your own question: if you ask whether a friendship is worth saving, then it likely isn't.
All of us grow and change with time and some friendships don't stand up to the test of time since the two people grow and change in ways where they have little in common. The way you've described this friendship, your friend is a taker more than a giver - I'd start to distance myself from her since inevitably when you have your rukhsati, you'll have even less time for her. Better you ease out of this relationship now.
Sehrysh- thank you so much for your reply and your kind advice. I guess I need to take a step back and take a break from this friendship which has pretty much drained me by now.
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
Oye, I saw this thread and thought to myself, my computer has been hacked into because I didn't start this thread. LOL
Welcome, madz #2. As for your question, I'd say give it time. Let things cool off then see if the attitude changes. Family is more important than friends. And friends shouldn't take you for granted. Maybe something else is going on with her and she is taking it out on you.
Madz is a nickname I got from my gora friends in Canada and it just stayed. I'm so sorry about the confusion.
And Thank you. I'm a very family person and family is always before friends for me. Maybe some friends just fail to understand that your life doesn't revolve around them. :)
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
The way you portray your friend, she sounds extremely manipulative, selfish, and childish. I don't know if that is how she really is, or if its your sub-conscience thoughts that translated that into your post. Either way, it doesn't seem worth it from what you have shared, but then you know better.
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
LOL. I had no intention of coping her name. But I would agree with your comment regardless lol
Re: Silent reader in need of advice. Please help!
The way you portray your friend, she sounds extremely manipulative, selfish, and childish. I don't know if that is how she really is, or if its your sub-conscience thoughts that translated that into your post. Either way, it doesn't seem worth it from what you have shared, but then you know better.
She has lost many of her friends in the past because of her childish and demanding nature. But I didn't want to give up on our friendship so easily. In past, whenever we've had any sort or argument, big or small, it's always me who had taken the first step to patch things up.
After letting it all out and saying it out loud here, I'm done with trying ti constantly fix something that's far too broken now.
Thanks for your advice. :)