Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

[RocketSocket]

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

@aliyahali

I haven’t posted for a while - but wanted to get some different perspectives on a conversation I had this morning.

Bit of a background, I’m a 30 + British born Pakistani girl. Have a BSc, and alhumdulillah a good job… and I am still single.

A cousin of mine has approached me about a rishta in a city around 1.5 - 2 hours away from London (which is where I live), not ideal, but I said there was no harm in having a look.

My cousins family are strict, wear hijaab and don’t wear Western clothes. I myself have never worn hijaab, I wear what I want, but do dress modestly. I’m not overly religious, I’ve done Hajj and a few Umrahs, fast, but don’t pray consistently.

I told her that if this guy wanted someone who wears hijaab then tell him that I don’t and that there’s no point in pursuing this.

The response I got from her got me thinking, she said to me that she was disappointed that a sensible girl like me would think like that and would I reject a good rishta for something like that? I said yes, I would.

Am I wrong in thinking like this? I know Islamically I should be covering my hair, but I just don’t want to.

But is it fair for people to assume that I should do something because husband wants me to? Should he not accept me as I am? And is it fair for people to think I am being too fussy by not giving in and doing this? And because I am of a certain age, should I be expected to accept a “good rishta” even though he is asking me do something I absolutely do not want to do.

I just wanted to know what you all thought. Please don’t quote Quran and Hadith - because I am not denying that as a Muslim I should be covering my hair.

Yes. Why not? Marriage is all about changing and compromising but you shouldn’t be the only one changing. It should be him to.