What if the guy is shareef and yet they have nothing in common from a personality perspective? I dunno, it just makes me think that if sharafat was the only thing we're looking for, then most guys and girls are interchangeable and kisi ki shaadi kisi sai bhi ho sakti hai
Can't have all things...... 'nothing common' is obviously a no no.......but something in common and a basic checklist filling could mean something.......
search for perfection never ends......... varies person to person..... someone could compromise on sharaafat, someone on 'things in common' and so on..... so it comes down to individual preferences........
but seeing that so many people are having trouble finding plain good rishta....... so i guess a serious consideration should be given to 'everything is fine except the sparks' situation.
Seriously though, 23 is not really an age where a girl should feel pressurised to get the rishta thing over and done with. GIDSA summed it up nicely, just take your time before you put your stamp of approval on it.
Sharafat is important because it means loyalty, stability and trust in your relationship. Which obviously would or atleast should weigh higher on the scale compared to the other things.
You can get married to this hunk who is very attractive to be with by what’s the use if at the end of the day he can’t be loyal with you?
But having said this i by no means am saying that if the guy or girl is shareef that’s all that should matter. I also think mental compaitability is of the utmost importance but i think even that wouldnt come without the spouse being shareef if that is of importance to you. I hope i am making some sense here :).
Uh huh. This is where you are mistaken my friend :)
1) Sharafat is important because it means loyalty, stability and trust in your relationship. Which obviously would or atleast should weigh higher on the scale compared to the other things.
2) You can get married to this hunk who is very attractive to be with by what's the use if at the end of the day he can't be loyal with you?
But having said this i by no means am saying that if the guy or girl is shareef that's all that should matter. I also think mental compaitability is of the utmost importance but i think even that wouldnt come without the spouse being shareef if that is of importance to you. I hope i am making some sense here :).
I was not discounting sharafat from the equation. As different as most of us are, it would be a rare person who said they didn't want to marry a shareef person. Assuming the person is shareef, does that make it an automatic yes to the rishta, or should a person look for something more. Your second comment is my exact point - the compatibility of personalities and values is also important and needs to be considered in the rishta situation.
I was not discounting sharafat from the equation. As different as most of us are, it would be a rare person who said they didn't want to marry a shareef person. Assuming the person is shareef, does that make it an automatic yes to the rishta, or should a person look for something more. Your second comment is my exact point - the compatibility of personalities and values is also important and needs to be considered in the rishta situation.
Ofcourse sharafat alone wouldnt make it an automatic yes, so i guess we both are on the same page on this. Except i still disagree with you that most people we come across are shareef ;). Who am i to judge but sharafat is fading away from this world at an astonishing rate.
Well those two things are ticked. Very shareef and well-groomed.
I guess there’s no such thing as a spark then :hinna:
I agree, feelings need time to develop.
You missed the point. Point was that most of the time feelings can not be developed by just meeting once and that too formally (as she was expecting). So if a guy walks out giving good impression, girl should peruse more interaction instead of rejecting just the basis of one meeting. AT no point I said that sharafat should be the ONLY thing one need to see.
One should not expect "pehli nazar main peyar ho gaya" unless they are going to meet Tom Cruise or Vidiya Balin :)
I struggle with this answer. All of us hope that our potential mate is shareef and most people we come across genuinely are shareef, but shouldn't there be something more that makes one rishta more acceptable than another? Times are changing and it's no longer a matter of zindagi guzarnay waali baat, most people want to enjoy their lives with their partner. What if the guy is shareef and yet they have nothing in common from a personality perspective?
I dunno, it just makes me think that if sharafat was the only thing we're looking for, then most guys and girls are interchangeable and kisi ki shaadi kisi sai bhi ho sakti hai
Shareef and well-groomed? That would be a check from me unless something about him really repulsed me. You can find lots of folks you can banter with, lots of folks you can stare at till your eyes tire but it's hard to find sharafat.
And sparks don't necessarily develop in one meeting. A few more talks should make things clearer. Either way, no rush.
Shareef and well-groomed? That would be a check from me unless something about him really repulsed me. You can find lots of folks you can banter with, lots of folks you can stare at till your eyes tire but it's hard to find sharafat. And sparks don't necessarily develop in one meeting. A few more talks should make things clearer. Either way, no rush.
exactly.....as i said earlier.....even if no sparks yet..but still its worth a shot since sharafat is 'rare' ...
the sparks that supposedly fly at the first sight with hearts revolving around our heads is not possible in real life.
Like D6C said ..feelings and emotions aren't black and white ..there's a huge spectrum of grey in b/w. Give it some ..do give it consideration. Meanwhile in the next few meetings you could get to know the guy better. Feelings would develop over time.
And most importantly...do istekhara :) it would help ease your mind and you would know the decision that would follow would be the best IA :)
Shirafat, virtue and character are no doubt a pivotal component, however, to what extent can you guage the accuracy of said portrayal especially during the courting phase when some are trying to create a false facade in trying to win over their potential partner?
I guess some people have offered good advice in here. I guess you just need to get to know the guy and take your time. Its better to get married later then rush and marry early and be unhappy.
well its ur call. For people ,best is whatever they compromise on. There will always be something better out there. speak to the guy a few times before heading into anything. If he is decent enough, why wait for sapnoon ka raj kumar.
Talk to him, meet him a couple times, and just give it time. You still have a good 2-3 years to go until you would seriously be considered "old" (even though girls are getting married well past the age of 25 these days due to studies, work, etc). That initial "spark" sometimes doesn't happen in the first meeting, maybe the guy couldn't open up properly as well and was also shy. Your parents seem to be very supportive and want the best for you, so just ask for more time to get to know the guy. If you still don't feel a single thing, then I wouldnt advise to go through with it. In my experience marriages that started out as a "compromise" rarely have a good future, they just lead to a lot of resentment and self-pity later on.
