Re: Should life be based on sacrifice?
:@:
Awww thats good you are organised too.
He might be reffering to something you don’t care ask him.
Re: Should life be based on sacrifice?
NO!!! now he can reallie clean up the bedroom by himself 
Good idea.
Re: Should life be based on sacrifice?
yeh :ASA: ///..when are u gettin married great ji :@:
hmmm in this case its a "marry your cousin" situation. I'd never considered it ever, having been brought up in the western world, I consider it a bit weird.
on the one hand they know what's best for me, but on the other, their reasons a slightly selfish (that if its a girl from the family she'll respect us and live with us but if she's from outside the family she'll want to live separately, will be rude to us - it almost comes off as "if she's my niece I can control her and make her do what I want)
interesting...
look, im married outside the family.. I didnt marry a cousin, that was not cus i didnt want to, but there was no guy i was interested in. My bro on the other hand married a cousin and my sis.. hmm she might as well.. but we all have our own choices
respect has nothing to do with being related or not. My hubby aint my cousin but i respect his parents just as much as my own if not more. And my bro's wife is the same with my parents.
Get to know the person in question and see what she is like yourself. Maybe talk to her about your expectations and see how she feels. These things should really be talked about before getting into a rishta.. if ur parents have their own expectations, make them known to her.. and then respect her views.
Re: Should life be based on sacrifice?
sometimes, parents just get worried about their son/daughter marrying someone they dont really know too well. They're just worried. And they find it easier marrying into a family they are well aware of. And I understand their feelings.. its only natural
sometimes, parents just get worried about their son/daughter marrying someone they dont really know too well. They're just worried. And they find it easier marrying into a family they are well aware of. And I understand their feelings.. its only natural
That's pretty much exactly it. I just think perhaps sometimes they don't realise what they're asking me to do, in terms of going against my wishes and what I'm comfortable with
I'm even more confused now because the opinion is so divided!
Re: Should life be based on sacrifice?
what are u uncomfortable with? the thought of marrying a cousin or just getting into a relationship you are unsure about?
the thing is, i reckon even if it were love marriage.. u kinda sometimes get this "unsuree" feeling about whether what ur doing is right or not..
as girls i reckon we think about this more than guys...
Re: Should life be based on sacrifice?
^agreed best thing to do is pray for the best!!!
There is duty and respect, and then there is sacrifice.
I think that we do owe our parents a certain amount of duty and respect.
But never sacrifice. No parent who truly loves their children would ask this of them anyway.
agreed!!
Sacrifice is a part of life...but LIFE is not sacrifice. Regardless of all the pressure that they might place on you, at the end of the day....it is YOUR decision and YOUR consent that is going to make this marriage take place....or not take place. So....you and the girl have the final say....can't blame it on the parents no matter how inconsiderate they might be....or how dysfunctional the marriage turns out.
Your parents might be upset at you for turning your cousin down....and they might be upset for a long time....**BUT **most likely they are not going to disown you. And with time, their anger will go away.
You're an adult and you have two choices. If you are 100% sure that you can never love this girl....then you can either:
1) Marry her and break her heart by not being able to reciprocate/fulfill her rights as a husband. And this will create more problems between the two families. And it's hardly fair because she deserves to be with someone who WANTS to marry her and can give her sincere love. And you deserve that as well.
2) You can stand your ground, tell your parents you won't marry her, and stick to your decision. Their pain and temporary anger will be much less compared to the heartbreak that will result from being unhappily married.
On the other hand, if you are not certain about your feelings regarding this girl, then the other option is to get to know your cousin....and you might possibly see her in a different light.
Please don't let your parents guilt to you into making a major life decision that you have no desire for. You are an adult and you should be treated in a mature way. Often times guilt trips are used as a means of control and that's not healthy. Refusing your parents' wishes is NOT a reflection of your ungratefulness toward them. Love and respect toward parents does NOT entail total and blind obedience.
Communicate with your parents in a calm manner. Tell them that you love them and appreciate all that they have sacrificed and done for you, that you can't ever repay them, and that you have no intention to be ungrateful. Tell them that you always felt you had the type of understanding/open-minded parents who loved you so much that you could share anything with them without having to worry about pressure. And then calmly proceed to explain your reasons for the rejection and the consequences for surrendering to something you're not into.
- Also, are you the ONLY son in your family? Perhaps your parents are scared that if you marry outside the family....that your wife will separate you from your parents (cause you to move away). Explain to your parents that their role in your life is different from the role of a wife....and that the two relationships can't be compared.....and they can never be replaced. Assure them that your future wife will not steal you away from them. Explain to them that arguments between wife and in-laws are natural in all cases....and they should be handled with an open-mind and disrespect will not be condoned at all.
If you already have a girl in mind, then explain to your parents why she'll make a good wife, good daughter-in-law, and good addition to the family.
Parental sacrifices and upbringing should be a result of unconditional love.....and when all these efforts are made for the sole purpose of having you strictly marry someone of their choice with little regard to your opinion.....it almost becomes like a business contract.
Seek help through prayer, think about your options and consequences. And communicate accordingly.