I am interested in the daughter of one my parents’ friends. So far, as I can tell the feelings are only one sided. However, on several occasions the parents of the girl have sent the signal that a proposal from our side would be received positively. In conversations with my parents, they have tried to encourage them to send a proposal with the understanding that the girl would accept any decision they make on her behalf. I have a feeling that the girl is not interested in me. This makes me very uncomfortable in pursuing this proposal any further, even though I know that her parents would accept me without any reservations. I do not want to put anyone in this situation where their parents are forcing them to marriage with a certain person without their wishes. I would like to know from all the single girls out there, what role do your parents have in deciding a life partner for you?. Would you accept the decision that they would make on your behalf , knowing that they would do their best to find an educated, good looking and financially secure husband for you.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
I am interested in the daughter of one my parents' friends. So far, as I can tell the feelings are only one sided. However, on several occasions the parents of the girl have sent the signal that a proposal from our side would be received positively. In conversations with my parents, they have tried to encourage them to send a proposal with the understanding that the girl would accept any decision they make on her behalf. I have a feeling that the girl is not interested in me. This makes me very uncomfortable in pursuing this proposal any further, even though I know that her parents would accept me without any reservations. I do not want to put anyone in this situation where their parents are forcing them to marriage with a certain person without their wishes. I would like to know from all the single girls out there, what role do your parents have in deciding a life partner for you?. Would you accept the decision that they would make on your behalf , knowing that they would do their best to find an educated, good looking and financially secure husband for you.
That is very nice of you.
But do try to find out why she is not interested in you....... if you can.
At any rate, you can go ahead with proposal.
This will give you a way to find out why she is not interested in you. If you find out you cannot change her mind nicely then just withdraw.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
My brother had similar concerns about a few rishtas.
I don't know. Are you sure she's not interested? Maybe instead of sending a proposal, you can ask (through the parents) if it's okay for you guys to meet up for coffee or something to chat?
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
In different families, parents have a different degree of control over their children lives. Many men in your position wouldn't really care what the girl though about the proposal and therefore, I respect you for being mature enough and nice enough to think about this. :)
Anyways, are you sure that the girl's parents will force this marriage upon her if you send a proposal? Or will the final say be hers? If it's the latter, then there is no problem since the girl will of course reject the proposal if she doesn't want to marry you.
HOWEVER, if you are sure that the marriage will be forced upon her, LET IT GO. You guys may even have a good married life, but remember, one day, you will have to answer to Allah SWT. And He says that He may forgive those who don't fulfill His rights, but will not forgive those who violate the rights of others. This is really important, because if the girl feels any resentment towards you for forcing her into a marriage (and bet on it she will), you will have to face punishment in the Hereafter.
A very nice way to go about it would be to talk directly to the girl, explain the situation and ask her opinion. I imagine this may be difficult to do, but it will eliminate all gray areas.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
Ok, the girl is 100% aware of what her parents are thinking. She's either uninterested or doesn't want to look desperate by showing interest (with the amount of stress put upon "oh, unn ki larki hai na, iss liyay itni garam joshi se mil rahay hain"). She could also just be shy about it.
If you don't think you can talk to her directly, you may wanna go the rishta route. You'll get your answer that way.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
I guess you are scared of rejection from this girl. If you have no direct way of asking the girl beforehand then you have no choice but to let the rishta process take its course to find out if she is ok with this rishta.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
Pick up the phone, make a 1 min call to the girl.....get free from all the worries.
If you cant do that then take a risk and send the rishta. You never know. Ager reject ho gaya tu
sitaroon sai aagay jahaan aur bhi hain...
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
I guess you are scared of rejection from this girl. If you have no direct way of asking the girl beforehand then you have no choice but to let the rishta process take its course to find out if she is ok with this rishta.
I think he's more afraid that she won't reject him, even if she wants to, just out of obedience to her parents, dooming them both to a lifetime of unhappiness.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
Just ask her, dude! You will get rejected over the phone instead of the news being passed down to you by a number of people. It will save you a lot of time too
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
If you are on talking terms with the girl, you might ask here whether she is interested in someone or is she seeing someone. I assume that since you are family friends, you both get to see each other quite often and you might ask her casually. If you can't because of any reason, let your parents formally give rishta to the girl's parents. If and when they accept, you can ask to see the girl over coffee (since you want to be sure whether the girl said yes willingly or forcefully). You can ask her directly once a formal rishta has been given by your parents to her parents and she might want to take a chance to say no to you directly if she is not happy with the proposal and if you give her an opportunity to say this to you.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
I'm assuming you're not on talking terms with the girl. I suggest you send your proposal if you are sincerely interested in marrying her. But please put your Ego aside, as she has every right to reject a proposal. That doesnt mean something is wrong with you or her.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
The only problem I see with you situation is that her parents are likely to persuade her into accepting this rishta - whether she wants to accept it or not. By sending a rishta over, it will not solve the situation; we know that there are countless parents out there who pressurise their children into getting married - we read about such situations all the time on GS. So bearing this in mind, it won't make the girls feelings apparent if you do send a rishta over and 'she' accepts.
The best thing for you to do in this situation is to approach her and ask her directly. This way you will know if she will be ok with the proposal or not. Afterall, you don't want to end up getting married to her or get so far down the road with the proposal, only to find out she wasn't happy with it.
Best of luck, iA everything works out for you and she accepts the rishta.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
What would have a greater impact on your life? The varied of opinions of others (the girl's parents and strangers on this website) or the actual opinion/feelings of the girl that you're interested in? Meet the girl, get to know her. Who knows? During the process...you may even decide that she's not the one for you...or it could turn out to be mutual. You say you wouldn't want to put anyone through a situation where they feel forced....well you can prevent that by declining the rishta if you don't find her compatible...so that takes the parental pressure off of her.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
I think he's more afraid that she won't reject him, even if she wants to, just out of obedience to her parents, dooming them both to a lifetime of unhappiness.
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You are right on the money.Couldn't have said it better than that myself.
Re: Should I send a proposal to her parents?
Hmm, if you fear that she won't reject u even if she wants to......then it seems her parents/home environment is a strict one...maybe she doesn't interact much with the opposite gender and that can make it hard to determine whether or not she's interested in you. I don't know think you should go through her parents at this stage. If you do, then they might pressure her and it'll affect her interactions with you...they won't be as natural. I think you should try to spend time with her and see how things go....gauge her reaction that way. If the communication is comfortable and flows...if you both click...she'll feel more involved in the process. To find out for sure/get some closure....you'll have to interact with her.