Should I keep quiet or say something?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

say no

22

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

ShahreyarKhan...can u explain in detail y I should say no?Thanks SuperSummer..... :)

23

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

People usually do invetigations by asking the neighbours of guy's family, asking the colleagues and friends of guys and any other mutual friends who know about the guy and/ or family to know their past and character.

I guess doing investigations in UK, US, Canada is easier since you can find out about the guy's previous marriage/ divorce records, previous criminal history etc.

24

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

ohhh ok...yh i guess my family would defo do tht....

25

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

Investigation lol
talking to the neighbors etc not creepy at all...

26

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

It is creepy. But many families in Pakistan do that. When I was in Pakistan, the would-be mother in law of our neighbours did visit my mom asking about the girl and how the family was. People usually do more investigation for guys since parents have their own fears of giving away their daughter to families they hardly know.

Its better to do investigation such that the other family doesn't get to know about the investigation.

27

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

I guesss but even if you do a thorough investigation you don't really know do you..

28

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

height issue they have, you may ignore
doctor girl you can ignore

but the impression i get tell me to tell you to say no - the impression of the guy, her mother and his own family if i had a sister i would never entertain such people (breaking ristha on such a trivial thing, and then ask for doc girl just due to status complex etc etc)

now remember i am drawing conclusions based on just these two things you pointed out, you know better

one thing pisses me off - these desi auntis look for doctor girls only because it looks good on the resume - i mean are you serious

29

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

ShahreyarKhan i completely agree with wht u r saying... it does look good when u tell ppl tht ur DIL is a doctor... hwever, do u think i should atleast gve hm one chance ? like most of the other guppies have said....????

30

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

Yeah I agree. But at least you get some satisfaction. Investigation is usually done in arranged marriages in Pakistan when you know nothing about the guy/ family past.

My mom's dad sent one of his friends to my dad's office to find out about my dad's character by asking my dad's colleagues etc and my dad didn't get to know about all this until after marriage :p

31

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

We are all humans and we do make mistakes. Good humans are those who revise their thinking based on their experiences. This guy's family might have had demanded a doctor as their DIL with good height but when they were faced with doctor girl who rejected them and married her bf, they might have revised their thinking. They now know that doctor and height are just superficial things.

I advise msha22 that she should give them one chance. At least, meet the guy once and then decide whether to proceed or not. What do you have to lose? Few hours? At least you won't regret in future.

There are not many good rishtas out there and don't lose one just like that. At least, meet the guy once. Then decide to proceed or not. If you don't feel good, stop the process there and then.

32

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

like i said if i had a sister, i would never entertain such people

so its up to you - what will you gain by giving him a chance?

if you want to give him a chance, that means deep down you may want it to work ... maybe then you do like the ristha,,

what else do you know about the guy & his family? why did they only come back after 5months?

maybe you should share that here too

33

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

My parents like him and I was gna say No but everyone I spoke to about this says I should give him a chance.... so im confused....I do not knw y it took thm so long to come back and say yes to this rishta...i would like to knw though.... i does make me feel like im second choice for thm....bt at the same time I think.... its good they saw other girls so later on thy cannot say tht they had 'better' options to choose from.... i hp this makes sense.... :s

34

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

ShahreyarKhan, guys families do come back after months and sometimes years and its quite normal in arranged setting.

35

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

look, if you have set up a meeting go ahead meet up with him, but don't start this rista process with compromise -

i have read all your confusions, and i think they are very valid, just dont go and say ok fine just because its hard to find ristas etc etc

36

Just give him a chance instead of judging him over gossip you've heard and do talk to him about what you have heard. Make a decision about him from your personal opinion because desis have a VERY active imagination.

37

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

ShahreyarKhan I will definately nt say yes until im sure hes the right guy.... i just wanted some advice on whether i should give him a chance or not.... Deviliciousss...i knw wht u mean by desis imagination... it does run wild sometimes...lol

38

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

When you meet with the guy, why don't you just ask him this then?

  1. You need to ignore gossip.
  2. You need to have a little more faith in your parents b/c it seems like you have a good relationship with them and they're not forcing you to do anything against you will.
  3. You have NOTHING to lose by meeting this guy once. And when you meet him, be honest and direct about your thoughts/feelings.

When you see/hear how the guy reacts to your concerns....THEN you make a decision as to whether or not you want to meet him a 2nd time OR end it. :)

39

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

good luck

40

Re: Should I keep quiet or say something?

ShahreyarKhan Thank you :)Thank you to everyone who commented and gave great advice :)