should I just confront her?

[StrangeOne]

Re: should I just confront her?

Good thing the husband cracked. Just cut off all contact with a firm warning against contacting you ever again. People who like to play God with other people’s relationships are not worth it.

[preciousheera]

Re: should I just confront her?

@redvelvet

Your friend is not entirely at fault. Your parent are to blame as well. As they say, taali do haathon se bajti hai. It’s really sad that your mom should tell your friend to spy on your life when …as a parent…she should be taking the initiative to reach out to you especially during special occasions like buying a new home or having your first child etc etc. And I wouldn’t be surprised if your friend gets defensive and tries to deflect the blame on to your mom.. Or maybe even you…if you were to confront her. Even friend would say, “don’t blame me..why don’t you ask your mom about it too.” And if that should happen… As in when friend throws mom under the bus…hopefully it’ll be an eye- opening lesson about trust for ur mom as well.

Don’t know what your friend’s intentions are, but I feel sorry for her too because her own husband sold her out. Who rats out their spouse like that? Then again, who screws over their best friend like that? I wonder if it 's karma at its finest…maybe

To be completely honest I’m not even the slightest bit surprised by my mums actions as she has a history of being a busy body and intrusive person, but my “friend” has really surprised me! Iv done ALOT for her, from being there at her baby’s birth, helping her with her financial problems,being there for her when social services got involved in her life, looking after her children, being on her side when her husband got abusive ect ect ect… And this is how she pays me?!? Yeah it is strange, maybe it is karma…

[redvelvet]

Re: should I just confront her?

@geminifromkhi

Her mom probably thinks she is an angel so it would be a fitting revenge to expose her in front of her mom. But anyways I advice you not to do so! Just threaten her that you will do it, but dont do it.

Nah… by making an empty threat…Op would be sending the message that such behavior is okay (even in retaliation). It’s like stooping to friend’s level in an empty threat. Why do that? Friend’s husband ratted her out…what can be worse than that? It depends on her intentions. If she did all this with the intent to hurt Op as opposed to helping her bridge the gap between her and your family…look at her own state now. Her own husband sold her out …imagine how much that knowledge would hurt…and he hinted she’s miserable in her own life. And depending on how things play out…she may lose Op as a friend. And if she was seeking validation from Op’s mom…she will maybe lose her mom as a friend too. She has already lost respect in Op’s eyes and maybe even her husband’s…and it’s even worse when your conscience kicks in and you wake up and lose respect for yourself as a person. Op don’t have to exact revenge from her…seems she’s already in a precarious position…a beaten down, haari hui bandi…and that’s a really sad place to be in.

[badabing]

Re: should I just confront her?

I had a friend once who threw me under the bus to my parents - went as far as to tell them about an abortion that this girl I was seeing at the time had. Shyte hit the fan. I got out of it because there was no evidence and plus the guy in question was a loafer type (still is). I cut him and that group of lifelong friends (known them since I was 5) out of my life. 8 years and counting.

[Reha]

Re: should I just confront her?

I’d either feed her fake secrets or silently cut her off…no confrontation needed or required.

Let her wonder what happened and try to contact you.

[Captain_Obvious]

Re: should I just confront her?

@queer

i think you should feed her some fake secrets nao.

I like this idea.

[redvelvet]

Re: should I just confront her?

Too much work to concoct fake secrets. Confront her and then cut her out of your life. Don’t share personal details of your life so easily with people. As difficult as your parents are being, stay in touch with them. Be the bigger person and show them kindness… but lower your expectations so you don’t get hurt. Communicate directly with them instead of using an intermediary.

[pak2015]

Re: should I just confront her?

@geminifromkhi

I feel so sorry to hear all of this. Friendship is such a beautiful relationship I just dont understand why would she stoop so low.

People are naive if they think friends will always be there and will always have your best interests in mind. Friends are there for social reasons to enjoy their company, have someone to talk to and share experiences with, can occasionally depend on them, etc. But they will not always be there and they will not always have your best interests in mind.

Those friends that stick with you through thick and thin and will have your best interest in mind are very rare. If you have a friend like that then you’re very fortunate and shouldnt take it for granted. But majority of friends are NOT like that.

OP unfortunately seems like you have issues with your family and had no one else to turn to so you trusted this girl with your personal issues. Your mom made mistakes in this also but I will still give her the benefit of the doubt, she likely wanted to be kept within the loop and was using her to get info about you without reaching out to you directly because of whatever you did for them to disown you, she clearly still cares about you to want to know about you but very bad way to do it though. But your friend likely did it with bad intentions to enjoy the drama and keep her distracted from her own issues–remember, misery loves company. Learn your lesson, keep personal things to yourself and don’t always discuss so freely with others even if they’re your friend. She clearly made things worse between your mom and you, she knew what she was doing. The best thing you can do is just move on and cut this lady out of your life. Doesnt look like she has that great of a life either–she isnt happy and has a lot of issues. No need for revenge or playing any useless games. Karma will take care of itself, if it hasn’t already.

[sweefs]

Re: should I just confront her?

@pak2015

People are naive if they think friends will always be there and will always have your best interests in mind. Friends are there for social reasons to enjoy their company, have someone to talk to and share experiences with, can occasionally depend on them, etc. But they will not always be there and they will not always have your best interests in mind.

Those friends that stick with you through thick and thin and will have your best interest in mind are very rare. If you have a friend like that then you’re very fortunate and shouldnt take it for granted. But majority of friends are NOT like that.

OP unfortunately seems like you have issues with your family and had no one else to turn to so you trusted this girl with your personal issues. Your mom made mistakes in this also but I will still give her the benefit of the doubt, she likely wanted to be kept within the loop and was using her to get info about you without reaching out to you directly because of whatever you did for them to disown you, she clearly still cares about you to want to know about you but very bad way to do it though. But your friend likely did it with bad intentions to enjoy the drama and keep her distracted from her own issues–remember, misery loves company. Learn your lesson, keep personal things to yourself and don’t always discuss so freely with others even if they’re your friend. She clearly made things worse between your mom and her, she knew what she was doing. The best thing you can do is just move on and cut this lady out of your life. Doesnt look like she has that great of a life either–she isnt happy and has a lot of issues. No need for revenge or playing any useless games. Karma will take care of itself, if it hasn’t already.

so true.

friendship can be a lovely thing when enjoyed in small bouts, or for socialising purposes. but very rarely will you come across someone who genuinely has your best interests at heart. i should know. apart from one friend, i’m a prick and only go out with friends for fun, don’t care what their personal life is like and vice versa

[Iconoclast]

Re: should I just confront her?

@badabing

I had a friend once who threw me under the bus to my parents - went as far as to tell them about an abortion that this girl I was seeing at the time had. Shyte hit the fan. I got out of it because there was no evidence and plus the guy in question was a loafer type (still is). I cut him and that group of lifelong friends (known them since I was 5) out of my life. 8 years and counting.

lol
i dunno what’s worse, ur girl friend having an abortion or your boy friend telling ur parents.

[Iconoclast]

Re: should I just confront her?

Tell a mute woman your secret and she will speak.

[BigdaNawab]

Re: should I just confront her?

real advice: simple advice: walk away. lesson learned. Don’t create another scene. Change yours ways so that you don’t need to keep secrets and find people to confide in.

[OYMWA]

Re: should I just confront her?

@badabing

I had a friend once who threw me under the bus to my parents - went as far as to tell them about an abortion that this girl I was seeing at the time had. Shyte hit the fan. I got out of it because there was no evidence and plus the guy in question was a loafer type (still is). I cut him and that group of lifelong friends (known them since I was 5) out of my life. 8 years and counting.

You’ve had a colorful past.

[OYMWA]

Re: should I just confront her?

@preciousheera

To be completely honest I’m not even the slightest bit surprised by my mums actions as she has a history of being a busy body and intrusive person, but my “friend” has really surprised me! Iv done ALOT for her, from being there at her baby’s birth, helping her with her financial problems,being there for her when social services got involved in her life, looking after her children, being on her side when her husband got abusive ect ect ect… And this is how she pays me?!? Yeah it is strange, maybe it is karma…

We would have taken your word on her betrayal; you didn’t have to list all the ‘ehsaanat’ you did to her…

[Chaachi]

Re: should I just confront her?

Maybe she had good intentions. Let me clarify.

I read ypur blog where you said you were buying a tpyota and it was really an achievent for you guys. Maybe your friend wanted your family to know good things about you amd possibly be the midlleman in patch up. Maybe she wasnt being the bad person. Just consider that possibility.

It really depends on her intentions and your secrets.

[Sentry]

Re: should I just confront her?

@preciousheera

Was going to make this into a blog but I actually need advice so it’s better I post here. I need real advice please, I don’t no what to do or think anymore! So I have this “friend” that I was 99.9% sure that she was going behind my back and telling my parents ( who have disowned me!) about my life, the other day I went to visit her and her husband answered, he said she popped out and will be back soon, anyway we started chatting and I Stared to hint at him that I no that his wife is chatting behind my back to my mum, he eventually admitted to the fact and confessed all! He even said that they have met and all my secrets she has told my mother! Now that 99.9% is 100%. Now the question is… Should I confront her or just let it go on like I have been letting it go on for the past 7 years! I feel so angry, upset and confused! She was meant to be MY best friend, iv done SO much for her! (Basically she is like a “spy” for my mother)

I know you’re hurting but you’ve got a husband and a child. It’s easier said then done but you should just let it go. There’s more important things in life than trying to make others happy. If your parents don’t want you in their life, there’s no point fighting something that just causes you pain, and I know letting go is hard. We all want our parents around, to be proud of us, to be safe and to enjoy however long we have left in this world together. Reality is not all of us get that happy ending. As for your friend, she obviously isn’t a friend. I wouldn’t give her the time of day to be honest with you. Unless she demands to know why you’re ignoring her from this point forward, I would just consider her a fart in the wind and get on with looking after the family that love you.

I also agree with @sweefs and @pak2015. There’s no real such thing as “friends”. They all betray you sooner or later, and most of them are just sticking around with you for their own interests. It’s rare to find a friend who’ll always have your back.

[preciousheera]

Re: should I just confront her?

@Chaachi

Maybe she had good intentions. Let me clarify.

I read ypur blog where you said you were buying a tpyota and it was really an achievent for you guys. Maybe your friend wanted your family to know good things about you amd possibly be the midlleman in patch up. Maybe she wasnt being the bad person. Just consider that possibility.

It really depends on her intentions and your secrets.

Hmm no, I had already told my mum about the car, my mum called her and told her to get more info from me about the car…she still asks snippets of info “how much was it” “how much did u pay?” Ect ect… Her husband even said in his own words “your parents are shocked to see you rising” he also said “when people are not happy in there life’s then they meddle with other peoples life’s.”

[preciousheera]

Re: should I just confront her?

@pak2015

People are naive if they think friends will always be there and will always have your best interests in mind. Friends are there for social reasons to enjoy their company, have someone to talk to and share experiences with, can occasionally depend on them, etc. But they will not always be there and they will not always have your best interests in mind.

Those friends that stick with you through thick and thin and will have your best interest in mind are very rare. If you have a friend like that then you’re very fortunate and shouldnt take it for granted. But majority of friends are NOT like that.

OP unfortunately seems like you have issues with your family and had no one else to turn to so you trusted this girl with your personal issues. Your mom made mistakes in this also but I will still give her the benefit of the doubt, she likely wanted to be kept within the loop and was using her to get info about you without reaching out to you directly because of whatever you did for them to disown you, she clearly still cares about you to want to know about you but very bad way to do it though. But your friend likely did it with bad intentions to enjoy the drama and keep her distracted from her own issues–remember, misery loves company. Learn your lesson, keep personal things to yourself and don’t always discuss so freely with others even if they’re your friend. She clearly made things worse between your mom and you, she knew what she was doing. The best thing you can do is just move on and cut this lady out of your life. Doesnt look like she has that great of a life either–she isnt happy and has a lot of issues. No need for revenge or playing any useless games. Karma will take care of itself, if it hasn’t already.

The shocking thing I did for them to disown me was I left home at 17 because I couldn’t stand there domestic fights and the abuse that was thrown my way (physical and emotional) when I left, they washed there hands with me and let me go… To this day on I still can’t get over the fact that they just let me go! Anyway that’s a different things all together… As for my mum using my “friend” as a middle man, well I find it odd and sad… It feels like she just wants to gossip about me, she has my number, when ever i call her she is always in a rush to get off the phone but then she’s calling my friend to get info about me as though she is interested in my life! It’s all very odd.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: should I just confront her?

@preciousheera

Just because things were bad between us doesn’t mean she has a right to make it worse especially when she is in the role of a friend! Hmm I can’t be bothered to stoop to her level, think I might just give her a nice slap and done with the “friendship”

No no thats not what I meant! I just meant if you expose her in front of her parents, damage would be bigger.

No, I am not asking you to actually do it. Just warn her that you will do it so that she will know how it feels.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: should I just confront her?

@redvelvet

Nah… by making an empty threat…Op would be sending the message that such behavior is okay (even in retaliation). It’s like stooping to friend’s level in an empty threat. Why do that? Friend’s husband ratted her out…what can be worse than that? It depends on her intentions. If she did all this with the intent to hurt Op as opposed to helping her bridge the gap between her and your family…look at her own state now. Her own husband sold her out …imagine how much that knowledge would hurt…and he hinted she’s miserable in her own life. And depending on how things play out…she may lose Op as a friend. And if she was seeking validation from Op’s mom…she will maybe lose her mom as a friend too. She has already lost respect in Op’s eyes and maybe even her husband’s…and it’s even worse when your conscience kicks in and you wake up and lose respect for yourself as a person. Op don’t have to exact revenge from her…seems she’s already in a precarious position…a beaten down, haari hui bandi…and that’s a really sad place to be in.

Guess you are right
But btw I dont think she will get any lesson from all this…havent seen even one person change in my entire life.