I had a rough time in high school and college and stopped talking to all my friends after I finished college. I am getting married soon and I want to contact my best friend from child hood but don’t know if it would be appropriate since I didn’t attend his wedding or contact him during his child’s birth. We drifted apart slowly but he still tried to keep in touch. I feel like he did me wrong in many ways and betrayed me but he was still a close friend. I am getting married soon and want to just tell him how I feel or should I just let bygones be bygones and leave everything as it is?
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
I'm in a similar position. The last two yrs of college were stressful to say the least! So it just happened that I stopped communicating with many friends. Immediately after I married and moved to a far off state. Now I will hear that so n so is getting married or having a baby and I want to reach out. But being unable to pinpoint why we ever stopped talking makes it that much more tough to just ring them up as if nothing ever changed.
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
Contact him. That way if it fails at least you can say you tried. I'd rather try than not try at all and be like 'what if'.
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
You claim that he did you wrong in many ways and betrayed you. So how can he be your "best" friend then? Some people find it easy to apologize whereas others don't and the latter may try to extend the olive branch in other ways. That said, if this guy tried to keep in touch with you as a way of perhaps making amends and you still did not reciprocate maintaing contact from your end...then how is he your "best" friend? A best friend is someone whom you desire keeling in touch with; it's not something you view with negativity. My close or best friends are the ones who have hurt me little or not at all. When I think about them, I have more positive feelings than negative ones and overall the good memories outweigh the bad. But if the few bad things in your relationship outweigh the good times...then, again, how is he your best friend? It doesn't make sense to me.
You're getting married; this is (or should be) a joyous time for you. It's one thing if you want to contact him to inform him about your wedding and possibly extend a wedding invitation to him if only out of formality. What if you tell him all the ways that he has hurt you and he does not even agree with your opinion? What if he does not validate your feelings or stance? What if he gives you bogus or lame excuses for his behavior? What if he is one of those people who finds it hard to apologize? What if he dismisses you? Let's face it....you're hoping for a certain type of response from him. So, what will happen if you don't get the kind of reaction from him that you hoped for? It's going to leave you feeling hurt and upset. Why put yourself thru that when you have an upcoming wedding...which tends to be a pretty hectic and rather busy ordeal. If you want to call him and get things off your chest.....just be mentally/emotionally prepared for any kind of response from him and that can be hard to do.
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
Sometimes leaving the past in the past is better than trying to dig up long lost contacts, no matter how close you may have once been. I itch every now and then for my once bestie-for-ever (apparently that is no longer true), to reconcile, to hang out with her again, but I know it could never be the same. Too many questions, too many doubts, too many what-if's. If our friendship had been strong enough, we would have remained friends.
Sometimes with relationships, that "era" has to end, and you have to move on.
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
I didn't attend his wedding or contact him during his child's birth. We drifted apart slowly but he still tried to keep in touch. I feel like he did me wrong in many ways and betrayed me but he was still a close friend. I am getting married soon and want to just tell him how I feel or should I just let bygones be bygones and leave everything as it is?
You felt that this guy betrayed you more than once and you sent a strong message of how you felt by not attending his wedding or even congratulating him on his child's birth. He tried to keep in touch but sounds like YOU are the one who cut off contact.
I would not contact someone in a situation like that. If you tell him how you feel, he will also tell you how he feels and you may not like what you hear. What he tells you may cause you to get upset and will effect your mood in the upcoming weeks/months leading up to your wedding. Why go back into your past and open a negative door right before such a happy occasion?
Get married and settle down. Once you've been married a few months or so....if you still feel the urge to contact this guy to share your feelings, then re-evaluate it at that time.
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
I wouldn't do it. Take what happened in the past and leave it there. Maybe your paths will merge again at some point in the future but don't let your wedding be it. If he refuses or boycotts your wedding, it'll really sting and you'll be reminded of it whenever you look back.
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
In reply to aka princess: Totally agree. I have people I knew who I cared so much for but once the pain of their betrayal healed, I realised I'd had a brilliant time with them when I did but my life had changed and I was much better off without them.
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
You are romanticizing the sutuation because you want to share ur special moments with a friend but honestly there is a reason he isnt ur friend today & its better this way!
Re: Should I contact my best friend?
Go ahead and do it! You can try mend your relationship, just be honest and take it from there! 👍🏻