So after having spent quite a few years abroad I decided to take a few months off for an extended-break-cum-job search in Pakistan. Probably my first visit to the country in a few years, and I was pretty excited and my sis had indicated that she was pretty pumped up abt it. Well, as it happened when the trip actually did materialize, the way it worked out was that I planned to stay for at least a month and a half at my sister’s place (she’s married). However, in discussions prior to making the trip she stated quite bluntly that after a month I’d have to stay at another close relative’s place since she was making a trip. I don’t know them too well and was not comfortable with the idea at all. The point is, I needed lodging and we’re close so I was expecting that she’d be OK with me staying regardless of her trip. Should I have been offended?
Re: should I be offended?
Well, she did say that she was making a trip...so you don't consider that a valid reason? If she weren't making the trip...you think she would have allowed you stay at her home for the entire length?
Also, half of a month...is two weeks. So she's letting you stay the GREATER portion of the time-frame in her home (1 month). It's only the two weeks (which will go by quickly) that you'd be staying elsewhere. If you don't know these relos well, then can you try to make some other accomodation...with relatives that you DO know or something else?
Re: should I be offended?
Maybe she doesn't want you staying alone at her place while she is away, so she probably thought it would be better for you to stay with other relatives. And her trip must have been pre-planned and she probably can't change the dates. I don't think you should be offended....she is your sister after all. :)
Re: should I be offended?
See she was making the trip but her hubby would have been there...I didn't see why she'd be so hostile. At least it seemed that way.
Re: should I be offended?
See she was making the trip but her hubby would have been there...I didn't see why she'd be so hostile. At least it seemed that way.
Seemed doesn't necessarily mean she was....especially if you communicated with her via phone/email were you can't see her facial expressions. Maybe it's not her....maybe it's her hubby who prefers to be by himself while she's on her trip. Or maybe she feels that when SHE is at home.....it's easier for her to handle guests (you, relos, others) since it's usually women who take care of the cooking and see to the comfort/hopsitality of the guest......and she thought that her husband would feel uneasy managing things on his own and wanted to make things easier for him as well. That's a possibility.
It's not the worst thing in the world, GF. It can be seen as generous for one to let someone stay with them for a month...and it's only 2 more weeks that you'll have to deal with.
You can guess and make us guess as to why she wants you to leave after a month....but you wron't really know unless you talk to her. You can consider doing that...talking to her nicely about the matter. You'd have to be careful not to offend or she may not even let you stay the one month. And there's also the possibility that she may not be completely honest with you.
Re: should I be offended?
^^ We communicated over the phone. She stated in a rather matter of the fact manner that after a month, I’d have to be at the relo’s place.
Whatever it was, I opted out. I was kind of miffed coz she lodged over at my place quite a bit 
Re: should I be offended?
How’d she respond to your opting out?
Fish and visitors begin to stink in three days…so the proverb says.
Re: should I be offended?
^^ I agree but this was diff, she was family. She didn't really respond and apparently also couldn't own up to the fact that this is what she suggested. In fact, she did suggest that I've always had some misgivings about her, which is not true.
Re: should I be offended?
Your sister must have other problems which she doesn't want to discuss with you. For all you know, she may have had a right tiff with her husband trying to make him agree to you staying there whilst she goes away. She probably wasn't comfortable with telling you all this, as you will be staying with them for a while and doesn't want to cause an issue whilst you're there, or problems between the two of you at a later date.
Re: should I be offended?
^^ Could be the case, though not very likely as I know them well
Re: should I be offended?
^^ Could be the case, though not very likely as I know them well
You know your sister well because she's family. Your interactions with your BIL for the most part may have been positive. But since you don't live with them 24/7 you don't know what goes on between them....their discussions/feelings about certain issues. So can you really confidently make that claim? Unless your sister is miffed at you for something that you may have done or said in the past (which you may not be aware of)...I don't think it's an unreasonable possibility that her decision could be based upon her husband's feelings or even her attempt at making things comfortable for him when she goes on her trip.
Re: should I be offended?
So after having spent quite a few years abroad I decided to take a few months off for an extended-break-cum-job search in Pakistan. Probably my first visit to the country in a few years, and I was pretty excited and my sis had indicated that she was pretty pumped up abt it. Well, as it happened when the trip actually did materialize, the way it worked out was that I planned to stay for at least a month and a half at my sister's place (she's married). However, in discussions prior to making the trip she stated quite bluntly that after a month I'd have to stay at another close relative's place since she was making a trip. I don't know them too well and was not comfortable with the idea at all. The point is, I needed lodging and we're close so I was expecting that she'd be OK with me staying regardless of her trip. Should I have been offended?
Yep.
Re: should I be offended?
nope. pointless to be offended. its not to easy to keep up with "narazgi".
besides has plans, even if not you will be staying with her...so instead of fussing about you should be grateful of letting u stay with her even for a day.
Re: should I be offended?
Actually there is nothing to offended, as it is wrong for u to stay in the house with BIL, when your sister is away.I would not allow my SIL to come and stay alone with me (she is most welcome when there are more peoples around) at my house when my wife is away.
Re: should I be offended?
I would have been very offended but only if i had at the first place agreed to stay at her place! im pretty much old school of thought on these things n wouldnt feel comfortable staying at my sister's place when she is married and bound to be busy with her family!
But if i was the sister here and my hubby didnt have issue with my bro staying at our place then i would def make sure my bro stays with us and even if it takes cancellation of the trip, i would do it.
Re: should I be offended?
r u a guy. if ur a girl, id be uncomfortble too having a female ,albiet sister, living alone with my husband for 2 weeks.
if ur a guy- hmmm dono. could be the husband i guess.
Re: should I be offended?
I think what RV said makes sense.
Don't think too much about this issue at all. She wants you to stay with her and thats all that matters.
Re: should I be offended?
She is your sister. Its your job to make her life easier not the other way around. Regardless of you being the older or younger brother, your job as the brother is to make her life easier. Sisters are very sensitive to family matters and I would suggest you get your panties out of a bunch and be accomodating.
Re: should I be offended?
You should be offended if she is your sis she shouldn't have any prob with your stay either she at home or not. I would stay at my bro place even if he is not at home
Re: should I be offended?
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin
I have also heard that this is a Persian proverb.
Anyway, Pakistani hospitality being what it is, undoubtedly you will connect/reconnect with many family members or friends and someone will press you to spend your last two weeks with them. Don’t worry about it. And don’t be a sala about it!