I’m pretty close to these two cousins I have, and my hubby is also close to their husbands…we are all cousins…here’s the thing…my two cousin both have kids, and they are around the same ages as each other. My husband and I have no kids, but have been trying for ages (which my cousins both know…)
I usually see Cousin A more often I see Cousin B, mainly because I live further away than them both, and Cousin A’s mom lives close to my house. Anyways, last weekend Cousin B had this party for her son…she had invited her immediate family, as well as Cousin A. She did not invite me. This peeved me off…also , it was not the first time she did that…she also had a bday party for her daugther, and didnt call me either. But whenever Cousin A has bday parties for her kids, she always calls me.
Now u guys tel me, this…shoudl I be pissed? cuz frankly, I am!!! I thought the only reason why she never calls me to her kids parties, is becasue i dont have any kids…(makes me feel like ****, by the way…)…now I just found out that I never call her over to my house, which is why she didnt invite me…but thats the thing…i dont call anyone…they just come over themselves!!!
Im going to tell her how i feel, for sure…but shoudl good friends do “hisaab kitaab” with each other? ie, counting the number of times either of them go other their homes..blah blah blah…i mean is it my fault i have no kids???..u dont have to rub it into my face by not inviting me…how woudl u feel? i just feel like venting out today…thanks for reading!!!
Re: should i be mad?
How do you know that she hasn't invited you in the party because you have no kids? May be there was some another reason....just ask if you want to may be there is another reason. Maybe there is miss-communication....I don't see it as a big problem. One cup of tea and things can be settled...
Re: should i be mad?
I hate that hisaab kitaab with inviting, but surprisingly some people are very calculating like that. Like you invite them, and immediately they wanna pay back or expect the same when they invite you. However it shouldnt be like that between family. Yeah talk to her about how you feel.
Re: should i be mad?
I don't think its about the matter of u having kids or not.....I think its a lot with the fact that she thinks u never invited her.....a lot of desi's do that which is annoying....well so and so never invited me so i am not gonna invite her....it is kinda kiddish but what can one do??? Has she ever invited u for other events at her house?
Re: should i be mad?
Why not just ask her straight out why you weren't invited? There may be a simple explanation for it, and you can tell her how hurt you were to be excluded from the occassion.
Re: should i be mad?
thats the thing! I had invited her on a few occasions...along with the other cousin...she came once or twice, and other times when i told her to come over, they say its too far....but, we always go out of our way to go over to her house...like 45 min drive....invited or not..just to hang out.....honestly, so tell me...is it worth it to get mad/upset with her?? or just forget aobut it and let it slide?
Re: should i be mad?
Like Shahreen said, if its bothering you talk to her, warna masala chalta rahega.
Re: should i be mad?
Relatives can make life so difficult at times...since it's bothering you and she has done it a few times already, maybe it will help to talk. It doesn't have to be a heated conversation, just ask her if she is upset with you for any reason and clarify your position.
Re: should i be mad?
Thats why it is advisable to stay a bit more far away from cousins, and other family. Na koi party, na koi disappointment. Cherish those who value you for what you are, and not those who are obligated to invite you just because you are family.
Before you do anything else, consider this. Even if you give her an earful about not inviting you now, and thus she starts inviting you in future birthday parties, will you really feel welcome?
Re: should i be mad?
good points pyarirani and faisal...!! i'll taking them into consideration.....well one thing's for sure....to make things even, i might have a party for my cousins who have no kids...and she how she feels..lol....im the kinda person who alwasy keeps a grudge....lol...cuz if she doenst feel im important to her, then its her loss....i have tons of friends/cousins that to hang out with.....
Re: should i be mad?
You said it! Yes!
Re: should i be mad?
Sorry I didnt' read the whole thead...
but has she invited u to a party other then her kids bday etc??
Re: should i be mad?
okay, so you expect her not to be mad when you don't invite her over, but you flip out when she does the same to you. Well, if that's not pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is.
Quite frankly, this whole thing reeks of "fat aunty politics". I don't agree with this hisaab kitab thing, it just seems so childish. I suggest you grow up and stop taking these stupid things so seriously. Invite her over once, cuz your cousin seems like the person who needs to be courted 6 months prior to an invitation with flowers, mithai, and jewelery (did I spell it correctly) before her highness will grace her presence unto your humble home. If she still doesn't invite you to her next function, just take a chill pill and relax. It's not that important.
Re: should i be mad?
The same question popped up in mind that did in Atlanta's.
How come you expect others to just drop in while you need to be invited?
I mean, I understand that you don't do parties like she does, but heck....why not?
Why can't you invite them over for a dinner or lunch?
Re: should i be mad?
The "payback" routine with the dinners is so common among desis. I frankly get so tired of it because as soon as we invite someone, 2 weeks later, they have to invite us. I am like abhi tow milay thai? phir inn ki shakal dekhni hai? Can't they wait a month or so because it is so obvious that they are "paying back".
Anyways, I would suggest, invite Cousin B and A over for dinner along with a couple of other people if you like. But invite B with another person so it doesn't feel like that you are specifically inviting B only and nobody else. Try to initiate the behavior, and if she follows, then good for both of you otherwise leave her be.
Re: should i be mad?
I do invite them on several occasions, like i said, but since i live 45 min away from them, they alwasy say its too far and too tired, blah blah blah…(her hubby’s a cheap ass and doenst like to waste gas…), and me and my hubby do drop by a lot of times…to hang out and stuff…i mean i alwasy go out of my way for her in lots of ways, but she doenst even achknowledge me…oh well..screw her…that’s one less person off my eid gift-giving list…
Re: should i be mad?
Seems like both of you hate each other. Why visit then? Apparently she has given you a couple of hints already by not inviting you to family occassions such as Birthdays. Get the clue, lady and learn to live without her in your life. Just because she is your cousin, don't expect to be a part of her life. I think she is more honest than you are...Move on...
Re: should i be mad?
Do not expect much from her in terms of invitations. She has made her views clearer that she doesnt want you to be part of her family affairs. Just forget it and live on.
Re: should i be mad?
alrighty then...thanks for ur advice...i should start being the loser and get my own life....actually this makes me feel better....i should stop worrying about it...but i do wanna say..i never hated her....she was like my sister..but i guess things change...the thing with our family, i have tons of cousins all around the same age, and we three were pretty close to each other....but now i knwo better....thanks again for nipping me in the bud.....i needed a reality check....thanks! topic closed!
Re: should i be mad?
Oh and please do take our advice with a grain of salt. None of us know your situation better than yourself. Our advice should help you make the right decision - but it should be YOUR final decision.