I was going through my 3rd graders backpack today and weeding out all the junk/papers that he had accumulated, when I came across some drawings in a spiral notebook. They were stick figure ninjas, soldiers holding guns spewing bullets, helicoptors, etc…They were very acurate drawings accompanied by bubble captions (most mispelled!) that said stuff like “gangter” “assassin” etc…the one comment that caught my eye was “why you little ho”…Now, my son does NOT ever talk like that! I’ve never heard anything inappropriate come out of his mouth before. Nor do we allow him to play graphic video games like Call of Duty, etc. I am pretty sure this is all coming from a certain friend in his class (who is also Muslim, an Egyptian boy who is his “best friend”). I am good friends with this boy’s parents, and they are nice people. However, I know that last week, this friend got into trouble for the same type of inappropriate drawings and captions, because the teacher (who I am very close with!) showed it to me and told me that the boy had admitted that he wrote it, so she wanted to have a meeting with the parents. This child is basically a good kid, but his parents are not very strict with his behavior. The mother is always making excuses for discipline issues, nothing is ever a big deal. Normally, I would not think it was a big deal, but this child and his older brother carpool with us in the afternoons, and I am beginning to notice certain behaviors of his that I don’t want rubbing off on my son. Should I say something to his mom about the drawings? I didn’t get mad at my son, because I don’t know that he did anything wrong, but I did explain to him what is allowed in our household and what is considered improper. I just don’t want him to get into the habit of “going along with the crowd” or succombing to peer pressure.
So tell me, am I being over sensitive/cautious, or do I have a legitimate reason to be concerned?
I say that do not talk to his mom yet, but cut down (or even eliminate) and after school time of your son with this kid. In school and in your car, they are under adult supervision so there is so much a kid could do, but you dont want your son to get influenced with this kid after school.
Another thing is that discuss the drawings of your son with the same teacher who showed you the drawings of that kid and ask for her suggestion.
I was thinking about doing that tomorrow as well…my husband also said not to say anything to the parents, because they probably will just brush it off. I feel like my son will get upset if I start restricting his “play dates” with this child, but I’m just not comfortable with this dosti anymore…and it sucks even more because they totally adore my son and the mom is always complimenting us on how well behaved he is and what a “good” influence he is on their son……
I think before you speak to his mum try cutting down the time this boy spends with your son and see if theres any changes etc also might be an idea to mention to the teacher what you found so maybe she can keep an eye out to see if they're both doing this or one or the other. As long as your son is aware of rules in the house and like u said u don't allow inappropriate games unfortunately kids nowdays are easily sucked into this culture.. Confronting the mum might cause some friction..
^ agree...i would try cutting time spent with the boy and his family.
are you positive they are your son's drawings? is it possible he took them from the boy?
It was definitely his notebook, because it had some other doodling from my twins and some random notes scratched from me as well.... when I asked him if he did the drawings himself, he said "no, "friend" mostly did the drawings because I can't draw that good (true!), but I wrote the bubbles...so then I asked him if he wrote the word "ho", and he said, no, he didn't know where that word came from. Apparently, this was going on while they were waiting in the dismissal/car pool area where I come and get them from after I've finished my after-school duty (i escort and load the "bus" kids).
That is really young. It's the age where they start to experience playing games, using the internet. You're worried and I can totally understand why because saying 'why you little ho' is not something anyone should really say never mind a 9 year old. I think you need to speak to him to confirm it is his friend who has been telling him and showing him these things.
If need be try to reduce/stop them two from hanging out? You could then speak the other boys parents about why you are doing this...
Ok, so here's an update: After thinking about this all week and talking it over with my husband, due to the grahic nature of the drawings, I went to our principal and showed her the notebook. She was, to say the least, alarmed! While we were talking, she confided in me that a KG student was referred to her office by the teacher for the same issue and when she asked him where he got the idea to draw such violent stick figures, the child named my son's friend!!! Apparently, during after school care one day, "friend" was showing some of the other boys his artwork!
So, my principal said that she has zero tolerance for this type of behavior, especially with younger kids. She's going to pull "friend" into her office to talk with him and also schedule a conference with the parents. Since she knows about our friendship outside of school , she said that she won't tell the boy's mother that I came to her, she'll say she found the notebook in the carpool pick up area or something ( I forgot to mention that there was a page that had the "friends" name on it as well as my son's).
if they r in same class u can't do much unless your son understands the need to change his friend. If u restrict him or pressurize him he might be more attracted to the same boy. As a strategy u can invite other kids more for play dates so ur son gets a chance to get closer with other boys too. And as TLK suggested talk to the teacher and see if she can separate the two in class. Slowly increase the distance with their family in a way no boy really feels it.
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