Greetings Fellas and Ladies! I heartily apologize for long post!
Weird situation my buddy is in. My friend has been in relation with his girlfriend (who is drop dead gorgeous according to him) for more than 4 years. Now they can’t married at the moment because guy’s parents called girl’s parent to initiate the ristha..which was brutally turned down..not any other reason than he doesn’t have master’s degree. To add more to this: she is still studying to get her bach. degree.
So after this “turned down”. They still are in relationship hoping it will work out for them. My friend is trying to get back to school part time to get Masters and he can’t right now because of his financial condition. He has good job but have parents and sisters to take care of and other responsibilities. However, he is able to take care of her financially if need be and have no problem with it whatsoever.
Now the Problem get worst from here:
My buddy is fairly moderate Muslim fella with good family values. So now, after this whole rejection of rishta thing happened my buddy’s girlfriend started making friends with other girls wearing hijab and attend regular lectures. And therefore, within a year she started wearing hijab (good thing) but stop being friends with all her non-muslim friends and cut ties with them. On the phone my buddy and her used to good conversation about different aspect of life and world affairs in fairly moderate way and NOW she talks about moving to Saudia Arabia to raise kids in strict Islamic environment. And very very pro-taliban due to they would have discussion about World Affairs.
And due to nature of my buddy’s job he interacts with his female and male counterparts in regular basis and would have one on one meetings with female counterparts at his work. She cries and yells at him and reminds him that how haram it is to sit with his female co-workers. She deleted all of their mutual female friends (which he hardly talks to them on the phone) from facebook as well as his phone (which he was pissed off as hell). To add more injury to the case, he encourages her to take part in community volunteering and get internship somewhere to gain experience for her HR job field. She would only take part volunteering in Islamic lectures related activities and refuse to get a job or get internship somewhere.
My buddy is pissed off as hell right now and verge of dumping her of being hypocrite. Hypocrite because he says that since you have turned into extremist than we should stop this relationship thing because Islam forbids pre-martial relations. She starts to cry every time he tells her that and she hopes that she would get married to him and therefore hanging to him. My buddy is 27 years old and his girlfriend is 22. She constantly talks about “going to Jannah” and how she would give their kids Arabic name and put them into Arabic schools.
My buddy is confused caught between strong feelings for her and his resentment of her ideals. At the same time he knows that being with her after marriage..many of ideals would collapse. My friend mash’allah prays five times a day and do whatever all muslims are obliged to do in his limits however, he is amazed and shocked that why wearing hijab turned her into extremist?. And now my friend which he wasn’t against of her wearing hijab whatsoever so now he doesn’t like her wearing hijab nor her hijabi friends whom she hangs around with.
**Should he dump her. What should he do when is torn apart between his strong feelings for her and then this resentment of her turned into extremism?. What exactly he should do?. **
they had a relationship for more than 4 years all while being a "good" muslim and now he is torn apart because she has turned "extreme", yet still wants to maintain their relationship?
i think they should both repent for what they have done and either get married or cut off all ties.
The girl is not right for being in a pre-marital relationship and yet claiming to be a strict follower and the guy is not right for willing to dump her because she is trying to be a better muslim.
I think she's very immature right now. And she doesn't really know what she wants out of life. I don't know if he should dump her, but they need to speak honestly and openly about what they want out of life, and whether or not they are right for each other. People change.
hmmm well he should i am guessing she isnt letting him go because she loves him dearly, but if she is as religious as she portarying then yeh they should be parted
Zoby...you didn't explain if he is right about dumping her not only because of being in pre-martial relationship but her extremist ideas???
both are very strong reasoning for him to reconsider his relationship with her and reevaluate her positioning in his love life. you mentioned her being pushy and yelling on him...well not only she has little knowledge of Islam but also her behavior is quite immature.
Islam teaches us patience and peace. Prophet Muhammad PBUH didnt get Quran in a single day and he also didnt spread its word in a single day. He PBUH devoted his entire life for this. there were several occasions when he was brutally hurt and wounded by Kufar-e-Makkah and Angel Gabriel came that If HE SAW wants he can destroy entire Makkah between Safa and Marwa but Prophet SAW said no.
His parents are also not appreciating their relationship so why are they even together. He should see the point of view of his parents and also consider the importance of Parents status from Islamic Point of view as one Hadith-e-Mubarik talks about Jannah being underneath mothers feet. Even though parents should also consider their children opinion especially in these importance life decision, but he should ask her that what does Islam says Parents?
Liking someone is not bad but to cry for them and begging them is bad. she should ONLY ask ALLAH SWT and if HE SWT grant her companionship of your friend then she offer "shukker" and if not still she should offer "shukker".
he should respectfully end the relation giving her the reasoning that his parents are not in favor of their relationship. eloping is not an option and neither is Istakhara, cuz his parents are not in favor of their relationship.
and if your friend set up a drama of committing suicide for your parent then remember respect is earned and he can never earn it for his wife.
I agree with Sahar. She sounds immature to me. But her talabanization should stop , if she is becoming more extremist day by day then it's a warning sign for him and he should end the relationship. But I think he should tell her to become a moderate muslim and that this extremism is something he can not live with.
Btw , I don't really liked the way girl's parents behaved. They should not have been rude. After all their own daughter also loves this guy.
They should also consider taking a break from each other for a couple of weeks. I feel that they both are angry with their parents not accepting the rishta and they both are taking out this anger on each other. They both need to give each other some space.
CM paa jee, ur sucha liar when u say u don’t read long posts. I was like stalking you just now and you only responded to this thread after reading it for like 10 minutes so like yeah like
Gosh even posting in life1 isn’t making me fall asleep and its 5 AM.
She is immature and really hasnt experienced the world yet. Her mind is very...easily influenced...for lack of a better description. She came across Islam and it became her life. Once she comes across other things...she will flounder a bit but then strike a balance after a while. Its just a phase people go through.
On the other hand, think about it. We name our children Muslim names anyway dont we? Thats not so extreme. I dont know anyone who named their child anything but a Muslim name. Hijabis arent necessarily extremists...its just an image. Sending children to Islamic schools isnt really extremist either...its actually a really good thing.
I think because of the fact that she has changed...he is finding her to be an extremist but so far...Ive not really read anything direly extreme. Unless she becomes niqabi and starts talking about home schooling her children and getting her daughters married as soon as they are baligh...I wouldnt worry too much about it.
What I will say...is that these LTR that are also long distance suffer quite a bit due to distance and miscommunication. I bet half of their frustration is not being together and the long road ahead of them full of struggles to get married.
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