interesting points all around… but i think this must vary from couple to couple. for instance, i had a small wedding (about 100 people), and it was preceded by a smaller mehendi (about 50 people) and then an even smaller mayoun (at my aunt’s house, close family and bridal party only, so about 25 people). all three events were a lot of fun, i had a great time, etc. etc. definitely having a smaller guest count allowed me to do more for my guests at my wedding since i could allot more money per head than if i’d had 200 guests. i could also afford the venue of my choice, instead of having to marry in a banquet hall, which neither of us found appealing personally. but then my husband is european and he has only immediate family here so all of this was possible. a lot of it is location-influenced too- in pakistan, we have hundreds of extended family and you can bet they’d all be invited, and its the same for him in his home country. so being in canada worked in our favour in having a small wedding.
on the other hand, at my brother’s wedding to a lovely desi girl, i can already tell that won’t be a possibility. there will be at least a couple of dholki’s/dance practices, probably also a Quran khwani, and a jora takai, and then the mayoun (at home, most likely), a larger mehendi, the shaadi, and of course we’ll iA host a valima too. her family is quite social and quite big, and we have tons of family in the US (who weren’t invited to my wedding because i think its idiotic to invite people you don’t even really speak to, just for the sake of them being family, but for the sake of propriety will have to be invited to my brother’s wedding to “make up” for not being invited to mine 
). and maybe its not such a bad thing… i mean, i think living in a place that isn’t predominantly pakistani, its really nice to have these cultural events and create the typical “shaadi ka ghar” atmostphere and really just go all out and celebrate with everyone. and in this case, i don’t think anyone in either of the families will view it as a waste of time and/or money.
but then again, we haven’t really started any planning yet, so who knows what’ll really happen.
so, in conclusion, unless i go through one of these larger, hectic-but-fun-sounding affairs with my bro, i’m not really going to be able to formulate a rock solid opinion on which one i prefer.
also, as an aside, i think following the islamic wedding “rules” only applies if you’re actually a practicing muslim before, and after, the wedding. sometimes people pull out these reasons, but then they don’t really practice islamic rules elsewhere in their lives and i just dont see the point of that. i think its best to do your best to be a good muslim in all areas of your life including your wedding day, and not just do your best on your wedding day alone 