So. I’m 20. and in college. I used to be seemingly stoic about the concept of marriage, always thought to let it all be “in time”. But lately, I’ve been just craving intimacy? Nothing even like remotely “sexual” I suppose basking in someone’s warmth and hugs and kisses would be nice once a while. My family isn’t super conservative, however, we DO value morals and our faith to quite some extent. I don’t know how they’d react to me potentially dating bc I am fairly prudish and kind of have other insecurities to worry about..such as weight, etc. I do try to tell myself, you know, “all in time” InshAllah. But I still feel so lonely sometimes…I don’t know. So I guess I wanted to ask all you married folks whether you guys felt the same as me before you eventually did get married? 
Re: sheer curiosity…
Yes.
BTW, kissing and touching is foreplay, once your are there, it’s just a matter of time to do the act.
And if you are in college you shouldn’t be feeling lonely. Unless you have some issues making friends, not talking about dating here.
Re: sheer curiosity…
Yes it sucks! it will suck even more later.. be warned!
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This!!!
You shouldn’t date..but that doesn’t mean you can’t find a guy and get married early…
Re: sheer curiosity…
Date. You won’t be 20 forever.
Re: sheer curiosity…
Sis, I’m around your age (and okay with being single) and I’m just gonna have to say to date the kosher way (cause I know some of you want to “keep pure” and get some experience with a partner in a relationship). At least get an idea what a relationship looks like so you won’t be all confused and potentially vulnerable when you do get married. Who the **** wants to commit early on to the first person their mom or dad thinks is “good.” Any schmuck can make themselves look like a good bacha/bachi in front of mom and dad and turn into a nightmare later. With some experiences in dating you will be able to see how a person truly is cause you won’t have your parents breathing down their neck.
If you are uncomfortable with a relationship but still crave intimacy you could
- Spend more time with friends
- Get a teddy bear
But, honestly, get some idea of a relationship before marriage.
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basking in a gulab jamuns warmth and sweetness :hinna:
Re: sheer curiosity…
This !!!
: (
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I’m assuming you are a girl lol.
I’ve had the same feelings and still do. I think it’s very natural. I guess we only ever mention the urges of single men but we women have them too.
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But then auntis will reject the moti larki later.
It is a sin to give people bad advise! :halo:
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absolutely. it’s not scandalous to admit that women do feel that way a lot of the times!
Re: sheer curiosity…
I’ll keep that in mind lol
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Does this aid in rescuing?
Sorry.. you still need someone for #1](http://gupshup.org/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) . Self kissing isnt evolved yet :\
Restored attachments:
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volunteer… kahan mar gaye…
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Re: sheer curiosity…
I pretty much sit on a figurative pendulum - I have days where I crave companionship (like you say, just to have someone) and days where I am extremely anti-marriage (these are the days when I am cross at some of the cultural weirdness of our beautiful nation).
I think it’s normal to feel these urges. We’re human and made this way - we all want to love and be loved. Human nature.
Please don’t give up on your faith/beliefs though. The dating game is a slippery slope, especially if you date for a long time. Is there anything stopping you from asking your family to help you start looking for a partner? Or you could find someone and get your family involved and keep it all Halal from the beginning? You don’t have to get married right away, it will probably take time (and realistically you’ll have to meet several people!) before you meet the right person.
Re: sheer curiosity…
We essentially have quite similar views and that’s awesome. No worries, I definitely will focus of school as of now. I can’ decipher dating because I just don’t really care for it much…someday I like the idea of having a partner, and the next I’ll convince myself to be patient. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart as much as I deny it, lol. I just hope I don’t get stuck with someone with completely opposite views and morals than mine. That’s probably among my worst fears. Controlling, possessive people have no room in my life. I’m still pretty young and life works in strange ways. Maybe I’ll meet my college “sweetheart”, or maybe I’ll eventually fall in love with someone in the old fashioned way; arranged marriage. So yeah, I guess these are just feelings I have once a while. Although recently they have been really demanding. Can’t help but be a little disheartened seeing happy couples and wondering if I’ll ever get the same kind of affection and acceptance from someone.
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Relationships are not all they are cut out to be, there was so much drama, distraction, waste of time and emotional roller coaster for my 19 year old. He is much happier now unattached and many of his friends went thru the same thing. Have lots of close female friends and focus on education, volunteering and learning new things. His buddy Ben was saying how he lost opportunities because of gf not wanting him to move and then she ditched him. You can always interact with opposite gender without being involved.
Re: sheer curiosity…
She doesn’t want commitment but a hit and run multiple times.
I actually would advise against marriage to those who are not ready. Marriage could lead to babies and you don’t want to screw someone’s life when they had no choice in their parents.