**One of the most infamous explanations
offered for a divorced wife by her husband. I was at a gathering
recently where I saw this guy, his very happily-married sister,
and widowed mother praising his ex-wife with comments as such,
“my (son, brother) put her through college and when she was
done, she fell in love and ran away with another guy.” Ending it
with, “Now she wants to come back, but my (son, brother) said
no, thanks.” No thanks!?!?! Everyone present at the gathering
knew that the guy had gotten his ‘green card’ through his
marriage with the girl. And like most ‘fobs’ (yes I have no
shame in calling them that) dumped her the minute his intended
goal was achieved. I know that if a guy can say anything bad
about his present or ex wife, it does reflect on his character
as well. For the sake of the argument let’s just assume for a second that she did run away, hypothetically speaking. That says that either
the guy didn’t please his wife, didn’t measure up to her standards
of a husband or she was plainly a slut in which case it says a lot about him too marrying someone like that. My opinion before, confirmed
now is never to marry one’s sister and daughter (specially if she was raised here) to someone who was raised in Pakistan and just hopped off the ship! **
The only parties that know the real reasons are the ones involved, mainly the girl and the guy.
Either way, there are guys and girls that marry someone who just came from Pak, or someone who still lives there (and move after marriage) and are happy together, and didnt marry for the GC. I would think there are more people like this, than those who marry for a GC. So, what is your reasoning for not wanting your daugther/son to do the same?
no one knows what the facts are..maybe she did use him, had him pay for college and then bailed.
in that case what did you want them to do, praise her? now obviously the bigger thing would have been to not diss her in public, but thats a diff topic.
and as far as the point in the initial post where it says that if she is a slut indeed then it says a lot about the guy marrying her. Can we apply the same logiv to girls who marry idiots, that its their fault that they married an idiot? In many cases yes, in many cases no, when the true nature of ppl starts showing later.
in this initial post the point seems to be.. its teh guy's fault as he got her just for greencard (an assumption), and then if she is bad then it says soemthing about the guy too. It would have been an unbiased post if it atleast entertained the possibility that the guy could have been a victim here.
**Fraudia, every relationship has troubles,
each has its ups and downs. Some people can work them
out while others can't. If a marriage ends up in divorce,
tragic. However, in certain cultures around the world,
a divorce defnitely always means something was wrong
with the girl, even if there wasn't, the girl is always to blame.
Why do I bring this up because to me it seems odd. In
Persian culture which would be my culture, if a couple
gets divorced, people don't marry their daughters to the
divorced guy no matter what the reason for the breakup.
The guy is equally as much to blame as the girl. Why we
as muslims must be so biased regardless of our cultures
and ethnicites that we must say something bad about any
one candidate when a divorce takes place? A divorce doesn't always
mean the guy or the girl were bad, maybe things just didn't
work out. It was wrongful of the guy to bash his wife, even
if she was his ex in public. If the girl did the same, I would
bash her equally as much. The part about people
coming freshly from Pakistan, acting weird, the farsi
word for it is 'luch,' is very true and derived
directly from my personal experience with them.
Having said that the discussion was intended to be that,
an open discussion, not a crash language course
to teach me about one's culture and his language.**
maybe it was just the guys way of letting out his anger
some people lash out and say all sorts of things.. who knows what the girl may be saying something bout him and his fam
there are alawys three sides to a story
the victims, the victimisers (sp?) and the truth
Originally posted by Aalhan: *
**Fraudia, every relationship has troubles,
each has its ups and downs. *
true
** Some people can work them
out while others can't. If a marriage ends up in divorce,
tragic. However, in certain cultures around the world,
a divorce defnitely always means something was wrong
with the girl, even if there wasn't, the girl is always to blame. **
and that is wrong. I know a few cases where the guys were solely to blame, some for people very close to me one for having an extra marital affairs with someone he met after he got married, another one who got involved with his ex gf after he was married. Luckily both the girls have met wonderful men and got married again and are happy.
Why do I bring this up because to me it seems odd. In
Persian culture which would be my culture, if a couple
gets divorced, people don't marry their daughters to the
divorced guy no matter what the reason for the breakup.
I would suggest that this is a flow. This is just as bad as placing the blame on the girl, because the guy is not to blame in all cases. I know such cases as well. So now if the guy did all that he could to make the marriage work but due to infidelity or whatever thinsg ended, is it right to punish him by having the society treat him like a pariah.
The guy is equally as much to blame as the girl. Why we
as muslims must be so biased regardless of our religion
that we must say something bad about one candidate
when a divorce takes place?
This is not something muslims have monpoly over, the he said she said things get played out in divorce courts all over the world with both parties and their friends and families pinning the blame on the other side.
** A divorce doesn't always mean the guy or the girl were bad, maybe things just didn't work out. It was wrongful of the guy to bash his wife, even if she was his ex in public. If the girl did the same, I would
bash her equally as much. **
As I noted, a proper thing would be to not bash anyone in public like that. It takes a big person to do that and some people do not have teh capacity to do that.
Additionally, both sides to maintain their standing are probably blaming the other side so they are seen as the victim and have sympathy as well as chances for future marriages.
Having said that discussion was intended to be that,
an open discussion, not a crash language course
to teach me about one's culture his language.
and that is why the thread is being brought back to the type of discussion you intended rather than sophomoric taunts displayed earlier.