Is this a taboo subject in our community or in every community?
And besides the obvious “pride” and “ego” issues, what else could make this a bone of contention in a marriage?
We have family friends, whose daughter teaches at a school and her husband works in some pharmaceutical (sp?) factory as foreman. They have three teen-age children. I am pretty sure that the wife makes more than the husband. In their household I have seen that the husband is a docile, quiet type and all decisions are taken by the wife. In fact the husband doesn't even drive. And perhaps the docile attitude of the husband is the reason why they are still (successfully?) married.
From a rational perspective, what can a husband do if his wife makes more money? He can ask for a raise himself... :) Unless the wife makes it an issue and repeatedly taunts the husband, there is no reason a husband will be offended. He should be happy.
From a religious perspective, I read in one of the books that what husband earns is the household money to be shared with the wife and to be used for household expenses. But what the wife earns is her money and she is not required to share it. :)
And no, I don't think this is a taboo subject anymore. We find many such cases around us. Many high-powered female executives have husbands who are writers or poets or philosophers and don't make much money at all. Plus once a couple finds a comfort zone and an equilibrium with each other, then they support and encourage each other and not necessarily bicker over who makes how much. Right?
argh i believe this exists in every community.
and it's so dumb too because we're already in the 21st centurty where it's bound that womyn are on top of the ladder - especially when it comes to the career.
and could the man be not anymore insecure of his womin only due to the fact that she has a better financial status than him??
imo it's alll about the pride, insecurity, and ego. such sadness.
[This message has been edited by aphrodite (edited July 03, 2001).]
Although, a much general inquiry (I am wondering what Muzna had in mind to post this here and not in the General Section), but I think it is an excellent issue to ponder upon.
My wife makes more (works only 3 days a week, because of young kids so she can devote some of her time for the school related stuff, e.g., PTA, etc.) and still manages to make 3 times what I make. My job does not allow me to go part-time, else, I will be working part time for sure. The money issue has never been of any conflict between the 2 of us. We think of it as our collective money. Do I get jealous of her for making more than I do. Not really. I don’t know if she gets exalted for I not making as much as she does, because we have never discussed it. Sometimes (only very rarely) she rubs it in. However, I still think that she is underpaid. She deserves a whole lot more.
If pride and ego were the case
then no woman would sit home and live on mian ki kamai
I dont think pride and ego is a factor in the char deewari of their house
but since everybody lives in the society which wants us to act in a certain manner
couples where the wife does make more then the husband, donot disclose this information to people outside their home
have i made any sense here?
these days more and more men are choosing to become househusbands
thats so sweet ...and they are proud to tell that they are househusbands
Yes Yes the oppositte of 'The sit at home watch soap operas and eat chocolates and do nothing' Housewives
So that means that people are breaking out of the pressure of the society
but in our community, i dont see any such thing happening EVER
I think it is the attitude of the working woman that makes or breaks the marriage, not the amount of money that she makes.
Nowadays, the percentage of women at managerial or executive positions is far less as compared to men. The pride factor among these women can not be ignored because these women climb the ladder and surpass all the obstacles of our male dominated society. They make a sort of statement and some ladies handle it well but some just act like a ‘woman’. (shoot! god help me on this one)
When a woman takes charge of the bread and butter and starts making one sided decisions because she has the money to back herself up that is where things start to shatter…She has the independence to go against the will of her husband…the husband and wife role start to turn into roommates-who-hate-eachother’s-guts situation. The funny thing is everything worked out fine when women stayed home and respected whatever their husbands earned.
ciao
BoSS
[quote]
Originally posted by BoSS:
*The funny thing is everything worked out fine when women stayed home and respected whatever their husbands earned.
*
[/quote]
I agreed with everything you said.....up to the point where you uttered these last few words.
What makes you think that everything worked out then?
[quote]
She has the independence to go against the will of her husband…the husband and wife role start to turn into roommates-who-hate-eachother’s-guts situation.
[/quote]
There is a difference bw a slave and a housewife No?
What makes you think that everything worked out then?<<<
oh it didn't?...maybe its not a funny then...but I would like to know what makes you think it didn't work out well?There is a difference bw a slave and a housewife No?<<<
Yes there is a heck of a difference or should i say there is no comparison...
R u saying u will go against the will of ur hubby if you can afford something?
ciao
BoSS
when you are in a relationship
You have to respect the partner's likes and dislikes
and have him understand your likes and dislikes
not wag your tail at his every command
Thats why i said there is a difference between a slave and a housewife
Ofcourse husbands and wives at certain times hold completely different opinions regarding certain matters
Anchal you didn't answer my question... ;-)...I hope u won't lecture me on 'relationships' and 'communication' between couples.
Let me make it difficult for you by giving you an example.
If you can afford a Mustang but your husband says we should keep the money in savings account..what would you do? If you agree with your husband...does that make you a slave? Does it affect your relationship if you go ahead and buy the car? Don't forget its YOUR money...we will try to stick to the topic.
No Roman I'm not teasing her.
ciao
BoSS
[quote]
Originally posted by BoSS:
**>>>What makes you think that everything worked out then?<<<
oh it didn't?...maybe its not a funny then...but I would like to know what makes you think it didn't work out well?
**
[/quote]
The same reason that I don't believe a lack of divorce means that all marriages in that region are successful ones.
If you don't hear about something bad happening, it does not mean that ít isn't.
>>The same reason that I don't believe a lack of divorce means that all marriages in that region are successful ones.
If a couple fought with each other till the age of 70, and then died, will the marriage enter the record books as a "successful" marriage?
Better yet, the couple never really fought that much, but the wife was constantly bitter with her husband, till they die at the sweet age of 72. They had grown up kids and grand kids. Will the marriage be considered a "success" or a "failure"?
Now thats a thought. By popular convention divorces are considered "failures". Unhappiness, being difficult to quantify, is not entered in the equation. Is the trend changing?
[This message has been edited by Peacemaker (edited July 03, 2001).]
Boss its happened a lot
however not on a mustang ..well not yet
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif
I am a spend thrift person
I spend
Faisal is completely my oppositte, he is not a miser but he thinks of the future and saves
So earlier in the marriage when i would tell him i am buying ‘falana’ thing
he would ask me ‘do we really need it?’
but i would just go and buy it anywayz
Ofcourse buying would mean less cash in the bank which did lead me to problems when i really did need the money
Now i have come to realize his point of thinking
so I still tell him 'I am going to buy this ‘falana’ thing
and he still tells me ‘do we really need it?’
but My nazarya has changed
I stop and think Do we really need it
If i know i can afford it and that it will not in anyway effect me in the future, i will go and spend
otherwise i will not spend
thats what happens humaray ghar main
I have observed that women with same education level and skills and even job titles usually make less money than their male counter parts in America in general but our Desi women with same skills and education compared to the desi men are actually doing better. This is my impression from talking to many people.
I think it deos probably hurt the male ego a bit(and this is from perosnal experience when my wife was doing better than me few yers back during my down days
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) but most people come to an understanding and if eery thing else is fine in marriage this is a minor issue. BUT as BoSS rightly hit it on the head Money is no the problem but some times people earning more money and being in powerfull jobs bring that Bossy attitude home and that causes problems. BTW this could also work otherway around and in general pertaining to relationships.
One of my elder relatives was a small time politician to the district level and doing groupbaazi and make groups fight and argue was his full time job. When his sons grew up he played the same tricks with them. Playing one against the otehr for his benefit and as a result all of them had very bad relationships and eventually fights over properties. This was a heck of messed family for years and then the old folk died suddenly. Last time I met them things were much better
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Moral: You might be the smartest fastest, the best and the most brilliant guy or girl on your job and as a result lot of **** will get ignored but don;t bring that attitude home.
I think I make more than my wife, because she doesn't work and is a full time house wife. I am the only earner.
I’d love to have a wife that makes more than me
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
Wouldn’t that be so cool? Then, she’d be nagging you about spending money as opposed to vice-versa.