I had a very serious affair with a friend. She got married after few serious problems between families but unfortunately her marriage could not end up well and now she is divourced. I tried to contact her but she is not ready to listen. I just wanted to comfort her and resume the relationship as now my family has no obligations about it. But she thinks i am trying to interfere in her personal life. What to DO ??? I sometime feel angry about her attitude then ignore it considering her situation. Can she ever be softer to me again ? What can i DO to make her feel good ?
Well decentsmile: I hav't been in this situation so I would say what is in my mind and also I will consider the voice of my heart over here.
Yesterday someone asked me a question: "Amir what if a person is in love with someone and it’s his/her first love and unfortunately they can’t get married. So can anyone of them forget about each other with the passage of time and can they be in love with anyone else afterwards?"
I replied: first of all the word "first love" sounds weird to me. As if there is first then there can be a second one otherwise you would not have called it first. True love gets to you once and the so called second love is not love but kind of compromise.
meray zehn mein forun yeh sheir aaya and said keh mera haal to yeh hai aur hamesha yehi rahay ga INSHA ALLAH (Subhan Wa Ta'ala):
Ham Ishq mein bhi tauheed ke Qail hain Faraz
Ik shakhs ko mehboob bana rakha hai
In your situation I would say if your family does not have any problems with this then way is very clear for you, you are very lucky my brother. Give it some time and try to convince her and get her out of the situation she is in right now. And go get hold of her, I believe your life would be so beautiful INSHA ALLAH ( Subhan Wa Ta'ala).
Waqt jo hota hay na… That is buhut Zabardast Marham..
I dont think she should act like this… BUT.. May be she has her Reasons…
As u said.. U TWO COULD’t GOT MARRIED COZ OF FAMILY PROBS… May be… She thinks It was your Fault that.. you could’g marry…
May be she thinks that… It was HER fault and now She is feeling Gulity and don wana Face you…
and..there can be more reasons..
First of all.. U need to Give her some time to Settled down… and.. then. Try to Find it out… WHY SHE DONT LISTEN TO YOU… and then u will be in the position to DO or SAY something.
U can Talk to Any of Her Best Frend.. Any of He Cousine… Who U think She will Listen to.. and.. They can find out.. Y.. she dont listen to U..
umm wat i fink is >>> ISHQ VISHQ PIYAR VIYAR … SEB LOGO KA KAAM JO SALEY FIRTEY HAI BEKAR >>> plz dont mind
Bro i got some reaaly sincere regards for u . well its a good jesture to comfort her … but i fink it might not be the same as b4 . well u know her beter so i cant say nothin abt it .
ok its totally gay n irrelevent to the thread but i wana ask ..... u still wana marry her , eventhough she aint virgin nomore or may be got some kids .
ok ok i know wat ISlam says abt it ... but its just my mind that wont xept it . so plz be ez on replies :D
I don't care what her situation is right now. If there is someway we can get together again, any by gettogether i mean get married then it would be the best thing as we know each other and have [used to] got lot of tolerance for each other. this would be best fit for both of us. That is what i THINK
You're a man on a mission. You seem to know what you want and what she should want too. But she may be confused and hurt now. So give her time to sort out her feelings. It's not that you should completely pull out of her life, but give her space right now. Maybe leave a voice message and just say that you think about her and miss her. Let her make the next move. She will eventually call if she misses you too. But let her build a trust and respect for you by being patient and considerate.
I think it's insensitive to be angry at her if she's not 'ready to listen.' You have to be respectful of her feelings. If it's meant to work out, it will.
she got a divorce - so she's probably not too trusting of the opposite sex right now. By giving her space and time, you'll be in her graces - but its going to take time. So just try to treat her as you would a friend that's gone thru a divorce. What would you do if she was, (and yes, this probably sounds sick), but if she was your sister or cousin? And I say this, because if I say imagine what you would do if she were your friend, you'd still have the same response.
You'd probably call her up not asking her to get back together, but telling her you miss her and that you think it was a great idea and very strong of her to get out of a relationship where she wasn't happy and that she deserves better. And help her regather her life - does she have a job? Maybe this can help her expand her career? Does she have children? How does this affect her as a mother.
You're missing way too much here, you know. And besides, its always wise to wait - she could be pregnant.
Be there for her as a friend if nothing else, but back off if she doesnt want to talk to u like call her but only once a week, just a "how aer you i wanted to make sure you were ok, how are the kids". Maybe even offer to take them off her hands for a while and give her some HER time.
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*Originally posted by decentsmile: *
That is the problem. She is trying not to leave any avenue Open :(
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give her some time to settle down a bit. she must have her reasons not to talk to you. or just feeling bit odd to turn back to you. she must have prepared her mind when she got married, and now thinking about you again straight afterwards may be hard.
its also possible she think that if you have got married to her at first place, she didnt have to go through all this.
allah knows better, just give some time and then talk to her. dont push her to talk to you just now.
give her some time, she needs a friend right now. be patient, she'll come around when she is good and ready for another relationship. just dont rush things.
well, its a difficult situation, coz she obviously seems to be in shock and may take any of your gestures as acts of pity, no matter how much sincere and loving u r.
I think give her time, it does not mean that u leave her alone as you ve told that u guys been good friends. so a caring, loving and non demanding attitude ll work 4 u. Over and above dont forget dua, coz that can do everything 4 u which may sometimes seem impossible.
U need to back off, just because she gt divorce no way means she wants to get married to u right away. What u had was in the Past, let it go.. shes a different person now especially right now when shes goin thru emotional rollercoaster n here u r trying to force urself into her life. YOU think u both are good for each other, but what about her? Right now she has made it clear she doeasnt want u in her life so be a friend and back off instead of tryin to pick off where u left off as if she werent ever married. The "shaadi" experience alone has changed her, how do u expect her to be the same person with u before her weddin n divorce.
If u r meant to be, ur paths will cross again n when she lets her guards down a bit, she might invite u bak into her life n then its upto u whether u wanna be with her or not.
right now, back off or she will just fester more animosity towards u n in the long run, that might not be in ur favor.
**Perhaps it's tough for her to face you after a
failed marriage specially when there were problems making
marriage very difficult in her relationship with you too. She
moved on but now she seems to be back at where she was
before. It must be a tough situation not just for her but for any
girl. Divorce is never as easy as it looks. Breaking off bonds
with others is sometimes more difficult than creating them.
Don't push it. Instead of hitting on her head on try showing her
through your actions that you have patience enough to be gentle
towards her, her previous baggage and her emotional needs.
IF it's meant to be it'll be. IF not then at least she'll still feel
that she has a friend without being obligated to him with a promise
of marriage in return. **
>>> plz dont mind