hey just wanted a bit of advice if u guys can help..
baat yeh hai ke one of my close frends got married in april, everything was fine with the wedding and that, it was an arranged marriage, but my mate did have a say and she met the guy and chatted to him, and chatted to him some more before the actual wedding took place. The guy is real nice, my mate is quite religious so wanted someone who was actually practising aswell and thats wat she got, the guy is quran ka hafiz and 5 waqt namazi..
my mate was engaged to someone back home but broke off the engagement because he wasnt practising…
well anyway, shes moved outta town to where the guys family is couple of hours away…
ive spoken to her a few times since she got married and shes not happy..no fault of the guys, shes not being able to settle in, due to somic happening in her life 2 years ago, i wasnt as close to her 2 years ago but its obvious its got somic to do with a guy, i asked her and she sed that i wud call her a hypocrite so didnt tell me what the score was, i tried to samjha her as best as i cud to keep her marriage, abhi naye naye shaadi huwi hai, ghar mahool badla hai, time to lagega na, but still there is somic wrong. Im the only other married one so i was chosen to samjha her.
as far as im aware they havent actually done it either cos shes scared..
i met up with my cusin who is really close to this gal and she told me that there was a guy involved two years ago, and she was crying on the phone to my cuz saying she wasnt happy and her hubby heard and u can imagine his reaction..
how many other ppl have dealt with or been in a situation like this and how did they overcome it..
any ideas on how to approach the subject with her??
Quite difficult. In my opinion, only time can ease out things for both of them. He heard her saying she wasnt happy. The scars have to remain for a longer period. Let them discuss and sort things out. I couldnt understand the reference to hypocricy!
I would suggest the "myth" method of counselling. (Thats what I call it.) What you or someone she is close to does is talk to her about her situation. Try to find out as much as possible what her reasoning is. You can do this by making suggestions yourself or by extracting this information from her through various methods of interrogation. (I know this sounds harsh but it works very well.) Then you "demythify" everything, point by point. Whenever she gives an example to not be happy, you counter it with reality or realistic points. The reason she is unhappy is due to what she is "thinking". You must use logic, or else she will refuse to believe you. You have to get her to the point where she pretty much repeats what you say, without you having to coax her to say it. Try it, insha'Allah it will help her to be on her way, and when she brings up these points again, you do the same thing. You just have to get her to accept enough that she will give her marriage a chance, and you have to encourage her and reinforce it. Unless you dont care and feel its upto her to do that herself.
I call it the myth method because its like believing that Prince Charming is waiting for you on a white horse in his silver armour just beyond the hill. You have to get her to accept that there is no Prince Charming over the hill. The Prince is with her, and is her husband. smile
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*Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *
^^ Munni you are a scary woman.
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hehe. Well I figured some people may be astonished after reading that, but believe me it can be a successful method of counselling. The words I used seem harsh, but in reality that is what some of us do when talking to our friends or advising them. Dont think good cop, bad cop. This is supposed to be done in a very pleasant manner. smile
A lot of her unhappiness is due to moving away from her hometown and to a strange family in a strange town. Actually the best thing someone who is close enough to them is to talk to her husband. Poor guy doesn't even know that his nayi nayi dulhan is so unhappy. He has to take her everywhere he goes and introduce her to other friends, particularly women in his town. She has to make some female friends ASAP in the new town to talk to and to do gupshup.
She is not just missing her previous friends but she is missing the whole shahar she was brought up in.
