sara_zzz - most abusers do act normal especially in cultures where the purity of a girl is stressed because the pressure of culture and family can be relied on to keep victims quiet. This is not just Desi culture but other cultures as well.
We all know how hard it is to get justice and to have people believe you about rape in areas where the rape laws work against you and where the stigma attachs to you even though everyone says it doesn't count. People will talk.
I would like to slap the mother (who should know better), but she may know that the father or other men may blame the girl who complained and may have given advice to protect the girl. If there is a chance she will lose her family, please don't advise her to tell the father.
Will you be willing to take her in if she is blamed and thrown out?
Can she go to her mother and ask her the reason for staying quiet about the uncle?
714 you should tell her parents about it. She won't be able to and will have to go through this mental tourter for life. If her parents know and still aren't doing anything about it, then tell the police or authorities. I know it is not an easy thing to do in our culture but, it is the right thing. It is the uncle who did the wrong not her.
Most of the sexual abuse victims are unable to come out and tell the whole story because of embarassment and they think they have brought it to themselves. Any culture, whatever the country is most of the sexual abuse victims don't come out. Most of the times it is the friends or family members who have to stand up and protect their love ones. Other wise, it will stay in their minds for ever. She is young, the good thing would be to tell the truth and whole story and let her end this chapter once and for all. She has the whole life ahead of her.
her mother atleast tell her hubby about this. I know one person who was molested when she was 13 for many years by her sisters husband, she didnt tell until it was too late and then everybody blamed her try to destroy her sisters house, which wasnt. but that ******* abused her by saying if she want her sisters not to get divorce let him carry on.
guess what? he is still happily married to her sister with kids and she is the one who is married but stay away from family functions.
ask her to say it her mother if not then to father directly, if not in person, then write a letter to her father if she cant speak in front of him or mother cant talk to his father.
714 u should do something about it, maybe talk toher and tell her how imp it is to let someone know and punish that *******s...i regret not doing anything about stuff i should have cuz I didnt want this stupid family to break apart(which it is now anyways)
These type of cases are extremely difficult to handle…
But sadly, the criminals get away very easily
here the best person to ask help is the professional counselor who have experience in handling child abuse cases… And I think there are quite a few of them..
In Pakistan there is lot of awareness being created through media for parents to be vigilant about their children “especially with close relatives”
Those who are finding it disgusting or yuckky should open their eyes, because it is very much clear and present crime in every society and culture. One must know the reality and act sharply with open eyes .
First, these molesters are difficult (almost impossible) to identify…
they are just like any other person ( or may be extra nice)
mostly caring about their own family
mostly have nice reputation in family
So, it is useless exercise to figure out who can be a potential or past molester
the better option is to keep an eye on young siblings and cousins, and own kids (if have any)
But again that does not mean that everyone is sick. Maybe all of them are very nice and caring people , It may be hardly one black sheep in close (or extended) family from which you have to safeguard yourself and family. May Allah help us all
^^ i know its hard to identify... I know one person in Pak, who is 5 times namazi... and down to earth very shareef man. but but, he hasnt spared a single little girl, grown ups girl, or middle age woman he can find around in relatives, neighbours, came across during his job etc. or even student who comes to him for study help sometime.
so when someone blame first response will be agains that person who is raising this. cause he has this repo.
Sick baastards are everywhere. As most people said, the best thing to do is that your friend talks to her dad directly. I know it's very difficult but this has to be done. Else, she'll suffer for rest of her life from this. Atleast let people know what kind of an animal he is so that other daughters are kept away from him.
sometimes thinking excessively and being careful doesn't help. one should have the courage to fight/speak against the evil irrespective of the consequences. That man deserves the worst & hardest of punishments.
ur r RITE thats true. i aint no MOLVI of the block but if i was her brother … nai nai ASTEGFIRULAH not me but if she had a bro like me .. man her checha wud have been CHOPED as GROUND BEEF by now .. may be us ki ama ne is lya nai betaya.
but wat if her hubby figures out ??? SLAAAAP sry i m just thinkin way TOO MUCH.
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.....even telling me, it came out unexpectedly and she was scared to say anything...
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Don't pressured her too much in telling somebody else or doing something. Since it came out unexpectedly, she might regret telling you now. She is in a better position to know what is appropriate and will be of any help or not. Most abused, whichever- emotionally or physically, tend to put it all behind and move on. She probably told you just for the sake of telling you, getting it all out and not for advices. Don't be too persistent :)
taqlee - ignoring a problem does not mean it is not there.
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Most abused, whichever- emotionally or physically, tend to put it all behind and move on
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While this may be right superficially, abuse manifests itself in self-destructive patterns, depression (which is a problem that is overlooked/ignored/downplayed by desi people), and unconciously repeating past patterns of abuse with spouses and children in one way or another. Most men who sexually abuse children were sexually abused as children, women who have been sexually abused have been known to marry men who will abuse them physically and/or their children sexually. A person who has been abused has a lot of anger and a lot of pain to deal with and the best thing for that is therapy or closure at the least.
Ignoring a problem does not mean it is not there. Someone who has been abused (sexually, physically, and emotionally) has a lot of demons to wrestle with and staying silent and pretending they aren't there doesn't mean they don't struggle everyday to keep them at bay.
As I posted before, there are a lot of factors that should be thought of before running and telling everyone. Support system of the victim - Will telling people place the blame on her (you all know this happens where the woman is blamed and/or called a liar) and as a consequence she loses more than she can handle? In that case therapy and working it out is the best option until she is strong enough to deal with the consequences of bringing something like this out in the open.
Just something to think about - The mothers reaction was one that most of us (myself also) were a bit outraged at, but what are the odds that the mother was abused and is continuing a pattern set by her own family? This may not be the case, it could just be shallowness and placing the reputation of the family above the need of the girl (which is horrible), but I wouldn't be surprised and it would fit.
There are always emotional and physical issues people deal with after the abuse is over. Do not ignore what she said because she is reaching out for help, but please consider what you do carefully. Doing something rashly, like blurting everything thing out to family and others can hurt her more than patiently dealing with things step by step.
lajawab - for a change, right? :) You were awesome there.
The mother doesn’t have the backbone to deal with this problem, very likely her father is gonna be with his brother. The girl, herself knows better of the consequence if she tells or get helps. She is a pakistani, I assumed, and can get the vision at what will happen next if its to tell someone. And as for depression, I say more then a quarter of Pakistani suffer from it, in a varying degree. She has open up and told this user about it. Let the trust remain and don’t push too hard to have something done. This trust she has place on the user can help her, and I believe have, a lot emotionally then any professional help as most don’t know much about culture, mentality etc , I believe.
I agree, that is why I wasn't pushing to have the girl tell all to the family, I still advocate therapy strongly. This is an issue with repercussions that she will carry for her lifetime.
