Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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Now that I have an idea of what kind of guest book I want and how I want to set it up. (can’t really describe it just have an image in my head)

I was wondering what colors were taboo for bridals? I want an elegant look so obviously I won’t be wearing any hot pink but are there any colors that one avoids?

Does one HAVE to wear a dupatta? if she does, does it get annoying after an hour or so?

How much does it cost on average to have a three day wedding in Karachi, Pakistan?

What kind of food do you normally serve besides briyani?
How do you be mindful of food allergies? Do you ask in advance? or put labels in front of the food so people will know.
Should I have sea food as well if some people can’t eat meat? or is that too accommodating?

I know the bride and groom usually don’t get to eat but if I’m ordering the food I want to eat it too :(! Is it possible to ask the caterers to put aside a portion for the bride and groom?

With a wedding cake is it better off having it at the barat or walima?
How big does it have to be so everyone can have a piece? If you can please provide me with pictures of what YOU think is a elegant cake. The last wedding cake I had was a chocolate mint cake and it was divine!
What are the best combinations in cakes?

Entrance/Opening songs..? does it have to be Urud/Pakistani? would it be weird if it was another language say Japanese or English? (not that I have anything in mind)

How many videographers/photographers should one employ?

If one was to make a seating plan would it be totally useless?

I hear a lot that Pakistanis have awful time management skills. Is there any way to combat this in order for people to not come late?

There is a Japanese custom were the bride and groom give their guests gifts as appreciation for coming to the wedding I was wondering if it would be a nice idea or not?

How much in advance should you order/buy your wedding clothes as well as prepare for the wedding? When do you start letting people know and is it acceptable to use social networking sites (i.e Facebook) for the initial “save the date”?

So far this is what I know should be in a Pakistani wedding in no particular order

  • Usher
  • DJ
  • Caterer
  • Photographer/Videographer
  • Food/Drinks
  • Make up artist
  • Groom and bride + family
  • Guests

Is there anything else that I should add?

I know there are so many questions and I’m sorry :frowning: I would really appreciate it if you could answer them.

Thank you in advance

Background on myself; Australian (caucasian)/Japanese bride marrying a Pakistani guy.
I’ve only been to 2 weddings that I can remember and they were caucasian (white dresses and such).
As the title says I’m clueless when it comes to desi weddings so would appreciate any help :wink:

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

  • Colours: Some families still think white and/or black are taboo colours... but generally, most people have come to accept it and are okay with those colours. Black is still more commonly a no-no compared to white. But yeah, overall, most families are okay with any colour!

  • You don't HAVE to do anything really. Everything depends on your family and what they're okay with. Nobody minds if a bride doesn't wear a dupatta. More and more, girls are opting not to wear a dupatta on the valima day. Nope, doesn't get annoying - if the dupatta is pinned properly and the weight is distributed evenly, you won't even feel it's there!

  • No idea about costs in Karachi

  • Common Food items in Toronto: Biryani, Butter Chicken, Korma, Palak Paneer, Channa Masala, Kabaab, Fried Fish, Chicken dish

  • I've seen wedding cakes on both days. More commonly on the valima but alot of people do cakes on both days

  • Doesn't have to be Urdu/Pakistani. My hubby used an English song for his mehendi entrance, I used desi. I used a desi song for the shaadi but we used an English song for the Valima

  • You should only have one company doing the videography and one doing photography. But definitely hire 2 photographers to cover your event. We also had 2 videoguys on the wedding day

  • Seating plans work :) I'm not sure about Pakistan tho - can't shed any light on that!

  • Time Management: Just stress to everyone that everything WILL start on time. Whenever your first event takes place, make sure you DO start as planned - that will prep people for your future events and they will come on time

  • Do you mean something similar to wedding favours? I think most people give those out now aswell... in Pakistan too :)

Hope this helps!

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

There are usually no seating arrangements in Pakistani weddings. If you do they wont follow them or shall be annoyed. Weddings may start a little earlier if held at hotels as hotel times are usually lesser than allowed by wedding halls but as a whole time management won't be as good as in Japan/ West. You can give out gifts at the wedding if you want. The budget can be high or low depending on where you hold the wedding. It can be Rs. 10 or 20 lakhs if you want it slightly lavish or 5 lakhs if medium. Besides biryani you can serve fish and chicken curry. caters can advise you. usually at least 2-3 entrees are served. More items can be served if fall under your budget. The bare minimum besides biryani is chicken curry, raiata, roti and sald besides a dessert.

You can have foreign language songs. Won't seem weird.
For the wedding itself most brides wear a duppatta, may get annoying for you if you are not used to any kind of duppatta, you may want to chose a light embroidery one if that's a concern. I personally felt fine with the duppatta. There is one video team from the brides side and one from the groom's. Same for photographer. If its a joint venture than one team should be enough.

Don't wear a black wedding dress. White is ok. Off white is even more acceptable. Beige or other light colors are fine too.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

Thank you for answering I added more questions.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

go in with no expectations other than you will get married to the love of your life. pakistani weddings are a whole another ballgame, and things very rarely go perfecly to plan in weddings, generally speaking, anyway.

as others have said, white is acceptable, probably even more so because you are not desi; black, while we've seen a few brides in Bridal Pics, is generally considered more taboo. other than that, its fair game. dupatta is not a requirement- keep it light whether you wear ir on your head or not as a heavy dupatta is just hard to manage.

are you planning to have mehendi on? you might want to add someone to mehendi to your list.

usher's aren't really helpful unless you have a seating chart, but no one respects seating charts in pakistan, generally speaking. the tradition there is for people to mix and mingle and move around, so a seating chart would be a) very complicated to put together with the number of guests, b) who would put it together since i'm assuming you and your fiance will not know every single person there intimately enough to seat them, c) might offend guests who want to socialise and they'll probably just end up ignoring it anyway which will tick you off. so, don't do it.

you can absolutely eat at your own wedding. have a little family table set up with a reserved sign on it, maybe in front of the stage or off to the side a bit. you don't have to be glued to the stage all night long- you can opt to come down and eat your dinner, and maybe even mingle with close family and friends afterwards.

"How much in advance should you order/buy your wedding clothes as well as prepare for the wedding? When do you start letting people know and is it acceptable to use social networking sites (i.e Facebook) for the initial "save the date"?"

if you are ordering from pakistan, 6-9 months is a good timeline, same as if you were ordering a "white" wedding dress. political tensions, loadshedding, etc. all affect how quickly your dress can get made so its best to leave plenty of room. and always ask for the dress two months in advance of your wedding date. you can start letting guests know as soon as your dates are finalised, especially if you are expecting family and friends to fly in from abroad as they'll need lots of notice to start planning their trip. i think facebook, email or a wedding website should be ok to inform people to save the date, but a telephone call would probably be nicer.

"There is a Japanese custom were the bride and groom give their guests gifts as appreciation for coming to the wedding I was wondering if it would be a nice idea or not?"

you mean wedding favors? those are typically given out on the mehendi. it can be anything small like glass bangles, or sweets. little pouches of nuts and sweets are also given out after the nikkah by the groom's family, usually. keep it simple and edible, imho. those favor tend to work best cost-wise and in terms of being used/consumed.

regarding the cake, i would have a nice three or four tier one you and your husband would cut into. some guests can be served from the wedding cake itself, the rest of the guests can be served from sheet cakes you can have the caterer prepare and plate. that is the most cost-efficient way of serving wedding cake to hundreds of people.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

please don’t forget to arrange for a qazi to officiate the nikaah itself…might have been obvious but it was not listed so I thought I would throw it out there…:cb:

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

Black might still be more of a taboo. Some of the older generations might not like white either but white has still become more acceptable. A lot of desi brides wear white. I wore white at my wedding.

We had a seating chart for 400 guests at our wedding, and it worked out perfectly...but I'm not sure if people living in Pakistan would respond the same way...most probably not as I think seating plan is an alien concept in Pakistan. But you can def. get people to be there on time - my mom and my then fiance's mom told the guests specifically to be on time. We made a huge emphasis on the time and so thankfully the ever so late desis arrive right on time at our wedding. So just get that message across to the guests, that they need to be on time or they'll miss the appetizers/dinner or whatever.

A lotta brides don't wear dupatta on the head. But if you do, just have a light dupatta...no need to wear heavy, busy dupattas. Mine was plain net with just borders with light work.

Yes you can use whatever language songs you wanna use! For our reception, we entered to an english song.

And yes you can eat during your event. For mehndi, my sister made sure she brought me dinner. And for reception, we had our own table for 2 so we we just served food there. So either appoint your sister or friend to make sure they bring you food...or set up a table, just the 2 of you or with your family. But make sure to get off the stage and eat.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

Thanks for all the responses :)

Yes I meant wedding favors SGC. I'm starting to hate the idea of planning my wedding. How do people organize it when the day won't be so organized?! I guess I don't mind not having a seating plan its just I don't want unwanted guests (wedding crashers) at my wedding. Thats what would irritate me most, people who are not invited show up.

and I totally forgot about mehndi! I've been looking at some designs I like the idea of having stones with it and would love to have it on my feet and hands. I'm going to have a short sleeve dress so I can have it on my arms as well.

Well I'm going to have nikah done prior to my wedding so I don't have so many people staring at my awful signature. Also the paper work is going to be awful, changing names on passports etc. I'll have to practice my signature since its going to be longer than my current signature.

I love/adore kids but really I wouldn't be too happy if a kid is screaming on my day. Does that make me awful? How can small children enjoy weddings when its past their bed time?

oh and I'm not wearing black or white at my desi wedding. I will however wear a white wedding gown at my second wedding in Australia.
and I have a phobia of eating in front of people I don't know.. so I don't think I'll be eating at any event.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

Who said you can't eat? You can eat as much as you want. What they'll normally do is bring a small table up to the stage so that bride and groom can eat or you can eat at one of the tables.

Dupatta is usually a must for the baraat day ... on the walima you can go without the dupatta, a lot of brides do this these days.

Btw, isn't there a one dish rule in Pakistan these days? Someone please explain more about this ...

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

See I don't like having so much attention to myself so I'm not that happy about the huge wedding although happy that we have so many people congratulating us. I just want to eat the food I choose not at the event but at the hotel.

One dish rule? whats that??

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

  • Instead of seafood, why don't you keep some vegetarian friendly dishes? That way you'll accomodate more people. I'm a pescetarian (I eat fish but no other meat) sooo I generally hunt for veggie dishes :P As for allergies, most desi dishes don't use nuts so it should be okay. As long as you try to keep a variety, you should be fine. General rule for a basic menu: rice, bread, salad(s), 1 meat dish and/or 1 chicken, 1 veggie. All your guests should be able to eat something from that

  • Not sure why you think bride/groom can't eat! I've never been to a wedding where I haven't seen them eat :P As others have said, either they have a separate table or they join their family. Our venue manager had wanted to set up a table for us in a separate room but we said no since we didn't have time. I stuffed myself like crazy on my wedding days!

  • If you have 1 or 2 other dessert options, your cake should be half the size of your guest number. So if you have 300 guests, your cake should be able to serve around 150-175 guests. 4 tier is the best option - thats what I had for mine.
    We had 2 flavours to accomodate everyone: Strawberry Shortcake and Chocolate Cake with hazelnut and choc ganache

  • Seating: You can always reserve a bunch of tables at the front for your close family/friends and his close family/friends. We reserved 6 tables for our families - 3 for each side. As for unwanted guests, if they do show up, you can't do anything about it on the day of so laern to let go and not let it get to you :)

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

That's what I wanna know too. There's some rule in Pak now on the amount of dishes you can have on the menu at your wedding
Someone explain this to me!

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

Ooh yeah! When I went to Pakistan last year, my cousin said it's to promote equality among all "classes" and so that people don't feel obliged (expectations) to have a lavish menu.
Not sure how strongly they enforce it... all 3 days at my cousins wedding had alot of different types of food :|

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

^ its also to avoid excess wastage of food. so much gets thrown out and with as many hungry people as there are in pakistan, its absolutely ridiculous. i don't know how closely they enforce this though- i've heard they do and they don't, so have your fiance confirm this with his family in pakistan.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

So... what do you do..?
use one plate...????

confused

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

^ no lol :p
there is only one food item on the menu. so you'd only have biryani, for eg., and then soda/pop to drink.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

:hug: You’re waaaay too cute!

P.S. Didn’t know you were having the 2nd one in Australia. That’s great! Looks like you’ll get to wear your dream gown too… :slight_smile:

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

The one dish rule is actually enforced and the hotels (or wherever you have the event)are pretty strict about it.So is the 10 pm rule.The event has to end by 10 pm.

The one dish means you can have a rice dish,a meat dish,bread(naan),salad,sodas and a dessert.If you are having a halwa pori kinda menu,you can have an additional item I think (like hala,puris,chick peas curry,and a BBQ item like kababor tikka).They have options for the menu and you can chose from one of them.
In my opinion it is better than the rule they had like some 10-12 years ago where no food was served at all.Just cold drinks in summer and soup in winters...those weddings were not too much fun..!

The 10 pm rule is that no matter what the event has to end by that time.You or your guests do not have to vacate the venue,but be done with the festivities and the dinner etc.They turn off the lights,videographers cannot make any more videos,if the dinner as not been served by then,they wont serve it at all and so on.

Not to freak you out..but the good thing is that people 'try' to come to the wedding acc to the time written on the invitations and not 4 hours late (which has been very typical of desi weddings n the past..!).

The higher end wedding venues are pretty strict about these rules (not that other locations are any lenient..!),but since they can be subjected to heavy fines,they just go by the rules.

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

@Paheli yah I always thought wanted to it'll be much more intimate affair and there will be more of my people than his in Australia. I have more a variety of ethnicity in my family but I think I'll be the first one to be married to a South Asian.. not really sure though!

Oh thanks!

The one dish rule sucks :( So is it better to have it at lawn/garden instead of hotel? Would the same restrictions apply? how cold/hot is it in December in Karachi? and how much is an average lawn wedding?

oh and I forgot to ask
whats the usual time for weddings to start and end?

If some of the guests come late thats fine. I know immediate family wouldn't be late and thats all that matters. We would start and end regardless of the other guests running late because I believe that if I invited you to my special day then I expect you to arrive at the time that is said on the card.

By the way
How many cards does one print..? how much does it cost :(?

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Re: Several Questions -The clueless and dumb bride chronicle 2-

I dont think so.Afterall you will get the food catered even if it is in a lawn and there will be some company to overlook everything and they will try to stick with the rules.Infact I think it will be more visible if they still have the light on after 10 pm.
My sister got married a little less than 2 years ago in Lahore.The mehndi was in a hall and they turned off all outside lights at 10 pm,sharp.The inside lights were on and we were there till 11 pm
Her barat was at a high end hotel.The groom and family came at 9:40 pm.They had not even entered the hall when they served the dinner and ten minutes after the bride came to the stage,all lights were turned off.It was pitch dark and the rukhsati thing had to be rushed and done with by 10:30 pm.
It was not pleasant in any way.

Inquire about these things if you can beforehand.

I am not too sure about costs and other things.Just sharing a lil bit of info which I though might help...:)