Seven American morons

Bumble_Bee · March 12, 2002, 12:09pm

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the
police line, shouting “Please come out and give yourself up.”
WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money
in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and grabbed him.
DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn’t control himself during a line up. When detectives asked each man
in the line up to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,”
the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”
ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the
doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”
NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
holdup a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in
his pocket.
THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new
22ft going. It was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre, no matter how
much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was
wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine; the out drive went up and down, the prop
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath. He came up choking on water; he was laughing so
hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.