Settling

[Rose887]

How do you know , if you are settling for someone? For example due to age, family pressure etc..

[preciousheera]

Re: Settling

When you just say settle for someone it’s because you feel you don’t have the time to look for other rishtas due to said above:- age, family pressures.

You know your settling for someone when you feel like you don’t really care who you marry as long as you marry.

You know your settling for someone when you just make a quick decision without much thought.

You know you settling when you feel rushed into doing something and you just want to get the marriage over and done with…

[decentGuy]

Re: Settling

Some people do not have the word, “compromise” in their dictionary. But thankfully rest of us have all sorts of negotiables at the time of marriage. Not everyone is lucky to get whom they want. While getting married, making compromises on right things at the right time is an art. The hard part is to get over it once married.

I knew this ambitious and smart girl who really liked a guy equally ambitious and smart as herself. She would cook for him every now and then, pick/drop him to/from airport at odd hours and run errands for him. Friends thought they would be such a power couple as both of them had great careers going for them. The guy started having doubts and told her so after 3 years. She felt used and got engaged to another guy within 2 months of that and married after another 6 months. The new guy didn’t knew anything about her recent past.

She treated her inlaws and husband real bad from the get go as they belonged to a middleclass family and were not as rich or educated as she was. Subconsciously she was mourning the compromise. Friends were surprised by her behaviour and quietly felt bad for her husband. For example, she once gave her husband 15 minutes, which friends found out later, to get ready for a party that was scheduled a week in advance only to snap at him in front of friends for not being ready on time. She’s doing fine now and is happily married but the first few years of her marriage were quite rocky.

I’ve seen people treating their spouses and in-laws really bad for things they had knowingly compromised on but cannot let go that feeling. I’ve heard of guys complaining about looks of their newly wedded wife, or some other “fault” in her that was crystal clear before marriage. Its both ways and it’s sad.

[NavAhmed]

Re: Settling

It just shows people never actually ‘settle’ when they are supposedly settled.

[LP]

Re: Settling

Sad

@decentGuy

Some people do not have the word, “compromise” in their dictionary. But thankfully rest of us have all sorts of negotiables at the time of marriage. Not everyone is lucky to get whom they want. While getting married, making compromises on right things at the right time is an art. The hard part is to get over it once married.

I knew this ambitious and smart girl who really liked a guy equally ambitious and smart as herself. She would cook for him every now and then, pick/drop him to/from airport at odd hours and run errands for him. Friends thought they would be such a power couple as both of them had great careers going for them. The guy started having doubts and told her so after 3 years. She felt used and got engaged to another guy within 2 months of that and married after another 6 months. The new guy didn’t knew anything about her recent past.

She treated her inlaws and husband real bad from the get go as they belonged to a middleclass family and were not as rich or educated as she was. Subconsciously she was mourning the compromise. Friends were surprised by her behaviour and quietly felt bad for her husband. For example, she once gave her husband 15 minutes, which friends found out later, to get ready for a party that was scheduled a week in advance only to snap at him in front of friends for not being ready on time. She’s doing fine now and is happily married but the first few years of her marriage were quite rocky.

I’ve seen people treating their spouses and in-laws really bad for things they had knowingly compromised on but cannot let go that feeling. I’ve heard of guys complaining about looks of their newly wedded wife, or some other “fault” in her that was crystal clear before marriage. Its both ways and it’s sad.

[aqua70]

Re: Settling

@decentGuy

Some people do not have the word, “compromise” in their dictionary. But thankfully rest of us have all sorts of negotiables at the time of marriage. Not everyone is lucky to get whom they want. While getting married, making compromises on right things at the right time is an art. The hard part is to get over it once married.

I knew this ambitious and smart girl who really liked a guy equally ambitious and smart as herself. She would cook for him every now and then, pick/drop him to/from airport at odd hours and run errands for him. Friends thought they would be such a power couple as both of them had great careers going for them. The guy started having doubts and told her so after 3 years. She felt used and got engaged to another guy within 2 months of that and married after another 6 months. The new guy didn’t knew anything about her recent past.

She treated her inlaws and husband real bad from the get go as they belonged to a middleclass family and were not as rich or educated as she was. Subconsciously she was mourning the compromise. Friends were surprised by her behaviour and quietly felt bad for her husband. For example, she once gave her husband 15 minutes, which friends found out later, to get ready for a party that was scheduled a week in advance only to snap at him in front of friends for not being ready on time. She’s doing fine now and is happily married but the first few years of her marriage were quite rocky.

I’ve seen people treating their spouses and in-laws really bad for things they had knowingly compromised on but cannot let go that feeling. I’ve heard of guys complaining about looks of their newly wedded wife, or some other “fault” in her that was crystal clear before marriage. Its both ways and it’s sad.

I will never understand how people can do that to another. If they feel used, they will purposely try to punish another innocent human being. Reading that made me sad and angry. Imagine going into a marriage all full of hope and excitement only to have someone with a secret past put you down constantly.

[decentGuy]

Re: Settling

@NavAhmed

It just shows people never actually ‘settle’ when they are supposedly settled.

It’s surely harder for some(e.g.: type A personalities, etc.) to let go of those feelings.

@aqua70

I will never understand how people can do that to another. If they feel used, they will purposely try to punish another innocent human being. Reading that made me sad and angry. Imagine going into a marriage all full of hope and excitement only to have someone with a secret past put you down constantly.

I agree.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Settling

For men, when every girl he meets, friend zones him, or it takes too much effort and time, then he starts thinking of settling down.

For women, when men she meets find her good to get into her panties but not good enough to take her as wife, other than visa seekers, then she looks to settle down.