Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

Lifestyle Relationships
1

How acceptable is it to set a friend up with a guy/girl that you met or got to know, but decided against pursuing a relationship with? The assumption is that there were no major issues between you and the other person - things just didn’t click between you.

Would a friend think it was a good deed or would they think you’re just passing on your leavings?

2

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

The deed is alright i think. Its really up to the recipient how they view it. Glass is half empty or half full.

3

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

i agree with cheegum on this one ... it depends on the person how he precieves it

4

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

The first question I got was "what's wrong with him?"

And I was offended on behalf of the guy. He was really nice, just not right for me, so I thought I'd do a good deed and try to introduce him to a friend who seemed more compatible.

Naiki ka zamaana hi nahi raha.

5

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

lol things like this happen ... u just move on

6

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

if i were you friend, i wouldnt had accepted your naiki.

7

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

y not ... if the guy is gr8 and u like him then wats wrong :S

8

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

then guy can approach me himself. :) (using her as a reference)

my friend has no right to decide what is good for me and what is not and neither she has right to decide things for the guy.

9

But I wouldn't share my friend's number without getting the green light from her - then he can call her up.

And I'm not deciding, I'm matchmaking - if works between them great, if not, their choice.

10

I dont think anyone is making any decisions. Its more a favor being done for you.

You never know where you will meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Its difficult for girls to find a nice guy these days...if someone thinks of you in a good manner and suggests a guy for you...its a nice thing they're doing.

Agar apki baat bani uss larke se to isse achi aur baat kya hosakti hai?

Agar nahin bani to at least you know you tried.

11

But people don't think like that. They think if the guy was so great than why didn't they work out. When really they may just have different outlook on life and so it didn't work out for them.

12

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

yeah sara ... i do understand what you are saying ... and i agree most people take it the wrong way ... but my thing is if the guy is nice enougha nd u if you like him enough then why not

13

It should be ok. Maybe your chemistry did not match with him because ..errrmm .. he likes Pop music while you like Rock, or he likes to watch action movies and you are into chick flicks :p ..

These may sound stupid reasons to break a relationship but good enough to not start one at all. You decided not to get into a relationship with him for smaller reasons does not make him a bad person. Let you friend decide on him for herself.

14

Re: Setting a Friend Up with Your Not-Quite-Ex

yea, i agree with you Ali. He could very well be a nice guy and the friend might even find him compatible, so we should not take everything negatively!

Sehrysh, I agree naiki ka koi zamana hi nahi

15

^In that case, wouldn't many of us be somebody's leavings? For example, let's say that a propsective guy/family came to check you out. And although they didn't have any serious objections to you, the guy and his family felt that a spark was lacking. They thought you were a nice person....and they suggest your name for another family that is looking for a rishta for their son. Should you be considered someone's leavings? Many of us (guys and girls) have been rejected by rishtas...or someone that we were interested in getting to know. But you move forward.

Some questions though:

1) You know your friend and her personality well, I'm assuming. You got to know this guy a bit. Do you sincerely think that it would be worth your friend's time to get to now him? I mean if you think that they'd both be incompatible or if you have serious objections to this guy that may potentially harm your friend.......in that case, I wouldn't suggest this guy. But if not, then no harm in suggesting it.

2) Does your friend know that you were at one point trying to get to know this guy? Ask her how she'd feel about it. Much of how you come across will depend upon how you word it. Tell her that "There was this guy who I wanted to get to know and I thought he was really nice/attractive, but I personally didn't feel a spark and there's nothing wrong with him overall. I was wondering how you'd feel about checking him out. What may work for one person might not for another and vice versa. I'm making the suggestion as a friend and there are no obligations and if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I totally understand. "

16

Why does it have to be so complicated. Nice guy meet nice girl. Go out for coffee, chat and enjoy the other's company.

I intend no malice since if things go crazy wrong, they've both got my number and they can come knocking on my door to ream me out.

17

You go zobz.

18

Issue a disclaimer to both of them in very clear language:

This is simply an introduction...not a guarantee of lifelong marital bliss. I am not responsible if you two dont work out or decide to go your separate ways later on.

Investigating, getting to know each other, etc is absolutely 100% your own responsibility.

19

But I bet you will be curious and still ask your friend how he was.

And he will ask your friend about you too.