Serving the Husband

[white_light]

Re: Serving the Husband

@redvelvet

My mom might sometimes warm my dad’s roti for him or warm up the salan if he asks…but usually my dad does it on his own. My dad will make chai for my mom and he likes to cook on the weekends. And when we hold parties… he’s pretty active in the cooking, getting the dishes set to be served, helping my mom in the kitchen, etc. I’ve always felt that my mom is fortunate that my dad takes an interest and helps her out (parties especially can be stressful). My mom doesn’t feel the “need” to wait or serve my dad first. With my parents, there isn’t a strong distinction regarding this particular role.

Your dad sounds like my dad. My dad will make his own chai, and even chai for my mom. He’ll get up and get his own food, even if offered, he will decline…I am sooo grateful that he is like this, honestly when I witness the pampering behavior at other people’s homes it feels strange to watch, Really. Party time comes around he’s marinating the chicken and helping too, he’s made us iftars too.

[white_light]

Re: Serving the Husband

@Reha

Its not really a big deal…men get food first but its because they usually have to go sit separately and the food is typically laid out in the kitchen areas where the women are.

So, they take it and disappear into whatever portion of the house they’re in and the women can serve themselves and children at their own pace without worrying about the men waiting.

^ That is usually in a davat scenario. At home, my mom will serve food for my dad because she has it sorted separately for him. He has health issues and she cooks his food different.

In a davaat scenario it makes sense to get them out of the way first, they usually don’t have kids pulling them in different directions.

[IceSoul]

Re: Serving the Husband

@Jolie

Why some people are being so defensive about it? Its an old school European culture as well, which still carries. The idea is to serve the head of the family or the oldest member first, its considered good manners and enforces some form of discipline. For most people their husbands are considered head of the family or bread winners so get served first, but in our families the elders get served first, be it the grandads or grandmas, irrespective of the fcat that husbands are around.

Who made the husband the head of the household? Uskay mathay par likha hai?

My mom and my sister are just as important as me and my father.

[AuntyNumber1]

Re: Serving the Husband

nope. this is hindu stuff carrying over. doesn’t happen in my family. would hate it if it did honestly

[TLK]

Re: Serving the Husband

LOl, yes every weird social habit is hindu stuff. Muslims tou doodh ke nahaa’ai hua’ai hain.

[AuntyNumber1]

Re: Serving the Husband

^
lol. well this one IS!!!
i mean, hindus actually Believe that women r nothing without men. orat paaon ki jooti and all that jazz. its all from hindu culture.

[Bint_e_Naeem]

Re: Serving the Husband

^We all used to live in Bare sagheer. Hindus, Muslims living together. At that time people celebrated things together just as friends & neighbors do & many things that are actually in Hinduism become South Asian culture. There is no doubt that many habits that hold religious values for Hindus have become traditions for us Muslims.

Now to Sara. The only time I serve hubby is when I make his favorite dishes & I am too excited for him to start eating. Other than that he always asks me to take a serving first but always ends up taking it before me.

When we are eating outside he almost always makes a point of pouring the food for me in my plate. Makes me love & respect him even more.

[Jolie]

Re: Serving the Husband

So by just serving the food first to her husband, a woman becomes a nothing creature and paoon ki jooti and whatnot? Is it really not possible for woman to willingly serve her husband, serve the father of her childern out of love and respect?

Some of the comments on this thread are downright ridiculous and embarrassing.

[TLK]

Re: Serving the Husband

@Jolie

Is it really not possible for woman to willingly serve her husband, serve the father of her childern out of love and respect?

err, do you realize that you are on a Pakistani forum, so yes, its not possible.

The only time our women serve their hubby willingly is when other guests are there to watch so she can impress them with her satee sawitriness.

[AuntyNumber1]

Re: Serving the Husband

Jolie - you’re misunderstanding my point. its OK if the woman is doing it out of love or whatever. but if she’s Expected to do that - like a Duty - then that’s suffocating.

[Magic_8_Ball]

Re: Serving the Husband

@TLK

The only time our women serve there hubby wilngly is when other guests are there to watch so she can impress them with her satee sawitriness.

Yep, and the in-laws are the chief guests…the drama is staged for.

Why be so sour? Just enjoy the fake special treatment while it lasts. Ungrateful men.

[clad]

Re: Serving the Husband

@Sara516

In our culture, men are usually served first, whether at davats or at home.. Also, according to many aunties, the man should never pour his own food, the wife always pours it for him. Now this has been my observation, whether in Pakistan, US or canada.

How is it in your home?

how would your bhabbi or mom know which BOTI her husband wants or like how much will he eat

I am trying to Imagen men telling his wife I want that boti

unless they are very obedient and eat like a good boys

[zobia]

Re: Serving the Husband

I just eat and keep my focus to botis and tikkas and garam garam naan and biryani.

majority women are maharanis who wanted to be served and they are the one end up leaving empty stomach.

[Sara516]

Re: Serving the Husband

@IceSoul

In our house everyone pours/puts the food on his plate himself because Allah SWT has given all of us hands.

HE has also given us legs, using which we can walk to the kitchen if we need something.

@clad

how would your bhabbi or mom know which BOTI her husband wants or like how much will he eat

I am trying to Imagen men telling his wife I want that boti

unless they are very obedient and eat like a good boys

Usually wives know what their husbands prefer when it comes to food (i.e., my husband doesnt like whole spices or certain pieces of boti) and serve them accordingly.

[Jolie]

Re: Serving the Husband

@Icesoul

Errrr, maybe the family itself? We’re not talking about your family here. Rules, attitudes and practices differ from family to family and thats the bottom line.

Maybe in some familes women are made to serve their husbands first on gun point but you’d fine in many familes, women serve their husbands first merely out of habit and good manners, in fact most women its just the way of showing that they’re in charge! Nothing all so discriminatory and victimising about it.

[Gaia]

Re: Serving the Husband

Are men more hungry or something that they get to eat first

This stuff doesn’t happen in my house, many times my dad looks at me to start the meal.

[glambition]

Re: Serving the Husband

iv never seen it happen in my house, nor my friends or external family, even if it did i wouldnt care, as long as i got MY food

[lahori99]

Re: Serving the Husband

@Gaia

**Are men more hungry or something that they get to eat first **

This stuff doesn’t happen in my house, many times my dad looks at me to start the meal.

Men care about women. We dont want you to eat a lot because youll gain weight and have low self-esteem therefore we go first.

[glambition]

Re: Serving the Husband

@lahori99

Men care about women. We dont want you to eat a lot because youll gain weight and have low self-esteem therefore we go first.

Sheesh. So an obese husband is more acceptable than an obese wife? if they cared all that much im sure they wouldnt pack on the kilos either!