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@redvelvet, i do not think that i wil be able to tell his parents that i do not want to marry their son.
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^THEN at least have the courage to tell your cousin, "I don't want to marry you."
If your cousin is smart....he'll tell his parents to stop with the rishta pursuing....and the whole affair will come to an end.
If your cousin is a dheet idiot.....and continues to tell his parents to ask for your hand in marriage.....even after you tell him that you don't want to marry him..........then in that situation I think you'll just have to suck it up...be a big girl.....and talk to his parents. Cuz it's unfortunate that your own parents are not cooperating with you...........and won't listen to you.........it's sad that nobody else in the family is on your side and has double standards about guys and girls..........so in this situation you might HAVE TO talk to his parents.
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@redvelvet, i do not think that i wil be able to tell his parents that i do not want to marry their son.
This attitude will land you in an unwanted place. Speak up. You should never start a relationship which is messy to begin with.
Say it to all of them. Your parents, his parents and him.
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Be blunt and just tell him you're no longer interested in being within nuclear fallout range of him and if he decides to push you into this...you will be forced to humiliate his entire family by saying a loud NO when the Qazi asks you if you accept this man in marriage.
That should cure him.
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...and if he decides to push you into this...you will be forced to humiliate his entire family by saying a loud NO when the Qazi asks you if you accept this man in marriage.
Do you think any girl will have enough guts to do that?
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Why not?
Anyway, the threat alone should put the fear of God in him.
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tell your parents you are having an affair with a white boy or a hindu boy ,, when they react by slapping you on the face;;; you tell them thats how you feel about tat guy
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Dear sister, I was making fun of cupcake who asking you why do you hate him
Heyyyyyyyyyy! Why were you making fun of me :( what did i do? lol I didn't realise they were in a relationship in the first place for him to have cheated on her?? That's why i asked why she hated him! But all is understood now!
SamiaQ - if your really not wanting this marriage just tell your parents and him aswell! Tell him straight, no beating around the bush rubbish! If he knows that you're not interested then maybe he'll quit! As redvelvet is saying - tell him firmly! Come onnn be a man! BUNDA BUN!! :p
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Samia
Good to see girls starting to tae stands against useless guys.
Regarding the cheating thing, apprently you guys di have an agreement, and therefore he should have remained loyal to you if he did respect and value your relation.
He did not , which shows to me he is an immature and inconsiderate brat.
IOne would thinka perosn trying so hard to finally furfilla dream, sich as the way he did, they would forever value and cherish thier achivement.
This Guy apprently has not, and it shows he has little respect for you.
Relating to this I know a friend ofa friend, a girl whos is the has the nicest and perfect of personalities and looks, got cheated by her bf a number of times ina period of 4 years. Each time she forgave him, he promsied to restrain , yet he still cheated numerous times.
He cheated on her BIG TIME very rcntly and now she finally decided to dumpy him. They had a very close relationship and the girl is finding it extremly hard to move on.
The point of showing this example, is to portray that some guys who cheat once and get forgiven and seeing this as an encouragment could well do so again.
Its clear how disrupted you are by his action on this occasion, can you imagine what you would be like if it happned post-marriage. I suggest you bring this issue out in the open properly to emphasize its importance to you, if you are to go ahead with the marriage.
Therefore, if this cheating thing, is important to you, I strongly advise if in any case you are to proceed with the marriage make bring this issue up and emphazize it to all parties concerned- so he never even thinks of repeating it.
I personally think, this immature guy is messing around, and by dodging your serious concerns, does not seem to have much respect towards you. A true lover, that he claims, does not exhibit these charecteristics.
And you cannot and should not be forced into a marriage. Islamically and as a human you have rights.
Id say Rv is perfect on the dot, and you should gather some courage and seriously convey to ALL parties concerned if you do not wish to marry him.
Its up to you if you want to mrry him, but id strongly suggest to emphasize this matter before proceeding.
Dont let your life be ruined. Do what you think is right, do istikhara, implore God in this holy month for the right direction and support.The potential disruption the rejection may bring at this stage will be much less than the
the disruption to your life if this decision was wrong and you went ahead.
Its worth speaking up.
Personally- Being a man, If really had to cheat, i would get permission first 
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If you don't want to marry him, particularly for such a good reason, then you should not. Your parents are wrong and you should not ruin your life out of "respect" for them.
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I think if he said he liked you and you did him, or the feelings were mutual - for him to then go out with someone - is totally wrong.
I think you should say to your parents - that he said he liked you and then went out with another women - and this is the person you want me to marry? have you no respect for your daughter? for her dignity? I know you must be angry.
But you really need to tell him like it is. Just say to him - you did not respect me BEFORE marriage - how will you be after?
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^I'm not sure but I think the OP's parents and extended relatives uphold the view of "all guys are like that...he's just being a guy" regarding him cheating on her, etc. That's their "justification"...and it seems they don't plan to budge from it any time soon.
The OP just needs to suck it up....and be a big girl.......and get out of this "oh I can't say this...oh I can't say that" mentality and actually express her feelings directly and firmly to the guy AND if need be.....(in the even that guy doesn't back down) to his parents. Cuz her own parents are neither listening to her nor supporting her. And I think there's no one from extended family that is on her side either. So, unless she wants to live a life of regret....she can just stay quiet. Or if she still has feelings for him....she needs to speak to him and get clarification before making any decisions.
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u have to say no! u just have to! if u stay quiet u will regret it!
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I mean if he was just flirting or talking, and not serious, then could agree its not something major that potentiallya married man would also never do, and I could emphathize with your parents.
If he liked went out with her, or had the kind of ineraction a real couple would- then its low and disloyal to you.
He also seems immature and jerkish from the way he responds to you on your concerns.
If you are sure hes worthless-then you must take the stand. You could search for some relative or aunty, or cousin sister that would take your side.
If all that fails, and you sure you dont wanna go ahead. You HAVE to take a stand for YOUR life.
I had a friend from pakistan in an identical situation. She got convinced to take the stand, she told her parents-who disregarded her views; she told the guy, who begged and insisted he could do anything for her and so similarly was of no use telling.
She weeped and weeped for days, well and finally went ahead with the wedding.
She lives now in his poor village home, at some part of rawal pindi. No internet, no chatting, no gupshup.
Moral is: DONT BECOME A STATISTIC- YOUR FUTURE IS IN YOUR HANDS.
and Yes, pray to God to give your parents maturity.
and keep following rv's advice, itz 99% spot on.