Hey all my childhood friend B came to me today with a issue she has been facing since she got engaged i really dont know what to advise her on this so am posting the issue here please guppies advise is needed she is miserable:(. well here goes: she was living in states for 7years and was engaged to a guy for 6years who was a complete Psycho he used to insult her in very way and basically totured her brain to da extent that she just ended da engagment. wanting to start a new life she got busy with working and she actually went for councelling to get her confidence back lately she met a guy through her friends and they started talking she asked me i said u shud get to knw sumone no harm in dat. i could see the happiness on her face she was all sorted finally she says he cared about her he respected her a lot and loved her also proposed her to marriage, i advised her to go ahead she said she has planned to go for MBA and as soon as she is done she will tie the knot. today she came to me and told me that the guy has been acting very strange with her since da last few weeks, says suddenly he would stop picking up her calls for 2days and would be normal the next day also if they have arguments in the middle ov the talk he would say let me call u bak and he duznt call back till she texts ok lets not argue and forget about the problem which makes her feel uncomfortable as all these negative thoughts are building she says. recently they went out for dinner and there he held her hand so she said i dont feel comfortable to which he said whts the insecurity and ended up into a big arguemnt which was resolved that same min, after she got home he just texted normally and since then he has just been very shady didnt pick up her calls and would just text busy with dis n dat. da next day she got a call from him and he was all normal as if nothing happened so she just said i cant go on like dis and u better get ur act straight i am a human being and i get hurt so he was as if nothing happened and said i will just call u back HUH!!! since dat day he neva called back and she even send him a text msg like im sorry lets be mature enough to talk things out if there is a problem and that she luves him but nothing from his end i told her to call him when she did seemed as if his cell was on the other line so this is a very strange situation what do u guys think she should do.???
Re: Serious Advise Please
The guy is sending mixed signals. Maybe he just isn't ready for marriage yet?
Re: Serious Advise Please
^Yeah.
The guy is probably very confused about God-knows-what. It would be best for her to let him figure it out himself. It would be best for her to not contact him until he does. If he doesn't for say a couple weeks (say a month - whatever is good for her), consider it over.
If she does contact him, she will continue that cycle. And things will not change for a long, long time and she will continue to suffer. Tell her to try to be tough for her OWN good. He may not be a bad guy, but he is clearly confused, which can end up costing her emotionally. Also, he needs to deal with this on his own too. If she interjects again, she'll rob him off a worthwhile learning experience.
Re: Serious Advise Please
Time to look for another perfect match , who would not argue and would not behave strangely after arguments and who can be molded perfectly in a mold she has created for the guy she wants to get married to.
Re: Serious Advise Please
Hey all my childhood friend B came to me today with a issue she has been facing since she got engaged i really dont know what to advise her on this so am posting the issue here please guppies advise is needed she is miserable:(. well here goes: she was living in states for 7years and was engaged to a guy for 6years who was a complete Psycho he used to insult her in very way and basically totured her brain to da extent that she just ended da engagment. wanting to start a new life she got busy with working and she actually went for councelling to get her confidence back lately she met a guy through her friends and they started talking she asked me i said u shud get to knw sumone no harm in dat. i could see the happiness on her face she was all sorted finally she says he cared about her he respected her a lot and loved her also proposed her to marriage, i advised her to go ahead she said she has planned to go for MBA and as soon as she is done she will tie the knot. today she came to me and told me that the guy has been acting very strange with her since da last few weeks, says suddenly he would stop picking up her calls for 2days and would be normal the next day also if they have arguments in the middle ov the talk he would say let me call u bak and he duznt call back till she texts ok lets not argue and forget about the problem which makes her feel uncomfortable as all these negative thoughts are building she says. recently they went out for dinner and there he held her hand so she said i dont feel comfortable to which he said whts the insecurity and ended up into a big arguemnt which was resolved that same min, after she got home he just texted normally and since then he has just been very shady didnt pick up her calls and would just text busy with dis n dat. da next day she got a call from him and he was all normal as if nothing happened so she just said i cant go on like dis and u better get ur act straight i am a human being and i get hurt so he was as if nothing happened and said i will just call u back HUH!!! since dat day he neva called back and she even send him a text msg like im sorry lets be mature enough to talk things out if there is a problem and that she luves him but nothing from his end i told her to call him when she did seemed as if his cell was on the other line so this is a very strange situation what do u guys think she should do.????
i think tht girl is bing over-sensitive..she must understand that he is a human being and can't be a perfect, romantic, sweet creature all the time..and even if she finds another guy,he would have mood swings too..
Re: Serious Advise Please
So, he stops talking to her after she refuses to hold his hand.
What does this mean?
Does it mean he probably got turned off when she didn't move forward on that level with him? Yes.
Does it mean she should be begging him to come back to her? No.
Does it mean she is less of a person? No.
He is the one with the problem. He should have been understanding and careful. Its his job to be accomodating if the girl is NOT comfortable with physical contact.
This is my conclusion based on ONLY what you have posted. If there is more to the story - and I suspect there is - you should post that too.
I think she may have overdone it with the phone calls and text messages...this shows a clingy and needy personality. A big turn off because people want to be with healthy and mature individuals who CAN function on their own without the constant need for a partner.
Re: Serious Advise Please
Hey all my childhood friend B came to me today with a issue she has been facing since she got engaged i really dont know what to advise her on this so am posting the issue here please guppies advise is needed she is miserable:(. well here goes: she was living in states for 7years and was engaged to a guy for 6years who was a complete Psycho he used to insult her in very way and basically totured her brain to da extent that she just ended da engagment. wanting to start a new life she got busy with working and she actually went for councelling to get her confidence back lately she met a guy through her friends and they started talking she asked me i said u shud get to knw sumone no harm in dat. i could see the happiness on her face she was all sorted finally she says he cared about her he respected her a lot and loved her also proposed her to marriage, i advised her to go ahead she said she has planned to go for MBA and as soon as she is done she will tie the knot. today she came to me and told me that the guy has been acting very strange with her since da last few weeks, says suddenly he would stop picking up her calls for 2days and would be normal the next day also if they have arguments in the middle ov the talk he would say let me call u bak and he duznt call back till she texts ok lets not argue and forget about the problem which makes her feel uncomfortable as all these negative thoughts are building **she says. recently they went out for dinner and there **he held her hand so she said i dont feel comfortable to which he said whts the insecurity and ended up into a big arguemnt which was resolved that same min, after she got home he just texted normally and since then he has just been very shady didnt pick up her calls and would just text busy with dis n dat. da next day she got a call from him and he was all normal as if nothing happened so she just said i cant go on like dis and u better get ur act straight i am a human being and i get hurt so he was as if nothing happened and said i will just call u back HUH!!! since dat day he neva called back and she even send him a text msg like im sorry lets be mature enough to talk things out if there is a problem and that she luves him but nothing from his end i told her to call him when she did seemed as if his cell was on the other line so this is a very strange situation what do u guys think she should do.????
Based on the post only. Things between them maybe different though.
Red is where she made mistakes.
Black is where his actions are highlighted.
He wanted to marry her. She should have at least agreed to something in between or had shown happiness or respect for his intentions.
She put him off again when he wanted to hold her hand. When she is 'dating' being alone then what is the fuss about that? Not so religious relation anyway. He did not want to have real intimacy it seems.
Both are busy it appears. He may just be busy when he did not call. She needs to give him a couple of days break at least.
When he called back, and acted normal, there was no need to start argument again...by saying I can't go on like that I am a human being...
Everytime he wants to forget what happened, she with her insecurity keeps brining negative ideas and puts him off.
Essentially, she seems insecure, needy, immature and maybe has hangups from previous relation.
Re: Serious Advise Please
Hey all my childhood friend B came to me today with a issue she has been facing since she got engaged i really dont know what to advise her on this so am posting the issue here please guppies advise is needed she is miserable:(. well here goes: she was living in states for 7years and was engaged to a guy for 6years who was a complete Psycho he used to insult her in very way and basically totured her brain to da extent that she just ended da engagment. wanting to start a new life she got busy with working and she actually went for councelling to get her confidence back lately she met a guy through her friends and they started talking she asked me i said u shud get to knw sumone no harm in dat. i could see the happiness on her face she was all sorted finally she says he cared about her he respected her a lot and loved her also proposed her to marriage, i advised her to go ahead she said she has planned to go for MBA and as soon as she is done she will tie the knot. today she came to me and told me that the guy has been acting very strange with her since da last few weeks, says suddenly he would stop picking up her calls for 2days and would be normal the next day also if they have arguments in the middle ov the talk he would say let me call u bak and he duznt call back till she texts ok lets not argue and forget about the problem which makes her feel uncomfortable as all these negative thoughts are building she says. recently they went out for dinner and there he held her hand so she said i dont feel comfortable to which he said whts the insecurity and ended up into a big arguemnt which was resolved that same min, after she got home he just texted normally and since then he has just been very shady didnt pick up her calls and would just text busy with dis n dat. da next day she got a call from him and he was all normal as if nothing happened so she just said i cant go on like dis and u better get ur act straight i am a human being and i get hurt so he was as if nothing happened and said i will just call u back HUH!!! since dat day he neva called back and she even send him a text msg like im sorry lets be mature enough to talk things out if there is a problem and that she luves him but nothing from his end i told her to call him when she did seemed as if his cell was on the other line so this is a very strange situation what do u guys think she should do.????
She should leave him alone and not contact him :) He seems too immature, he runs away whenever problems arise, he ignores her calls/texts, and is keeping the poor girl wondering...why would she want to be dealing with that anyways?
Give him space, don't contact him, and in the meantime just keep yourself busy doing other things. If he comes back and is willing to make some effort and communicate, then great, if not, someone better will come along :) They always do :)
Re: Serious Advise Please
It looks like this guy is playing games. There appears to be a pattern of not calling for 2-3 days, not returning calls, and then pretending nothing has happened. This appears to be some sort of passive-aggressive behavior.
Rather than trying to judge who was right in each case (whether she should have made a big issue when he held her hand, or if he should have got upset that she made a big issue), what jumps out is his pattern of ignoring her for days, and then pretending nothing has happened.
While she is trying to address the issues in an honest fashion by bringing this up with him, his denials and assertion that nothing is wrong shows some lack of sincerity on his part to make this relationship work. She appears to be doing all the work here.
6 years is a long time - has she recovered sufficiently from the previous unhealthy relationship? She should probably invest her time in self-development, nurture existing friendships, build new ones, and take it slow.
If this person truly loves her, he will mend his ways. She has given him sufficient hints. The ball is in his court.
God bless.