secrets of successful marriage

Hangout Humor (Rated G)
1
  1. My wife and I have the secrets to making a
    marriage last: Two times a week, we go to a nice
    restaurant, have a little wine, some good food, and
    good companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go> Friday’s.>
  2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in
    Florida and mine is in Cincinnati.>
  3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding> her way back.>
  4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
    anniversary. “Somewhere where I
    have not been in a long time.” So I suggested the> kitchen.>
  5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.>
  6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
    and electric bread maker. Then she said, “There are
    too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I> bought her an
    electric chair.>> 7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well
    because there was water in the carburetor. I asked
    where the car was, she told me “In the lake”.>
  7. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas.
    She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a> tree now.>
  8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.> Then the mud fell off.>
  9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I
    too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No,> jump in!”>
  10. Remember…Marriage is the number one cause of
    divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started> with marriage.>
  11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her> first name was Always.>
  12. I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I> don’t like to interrupt her.
  1. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked,
    “What’s on the TV?”…I said “Dust.”>
  1. In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
    Then God created man and rested. Then God created
    woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.>
  2. Why do men die before their wives? Cause they> want to.>
  3. What is the difference between a dog and a fox?> About 5 drinks.>
  4. A beggar walked up to my wife shopping on
    Michigan Ave. and said, “I haven’t eaten anything in
    four days”. She looked at him and said, “God, I wish> I had your will power”.
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thanks..

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