Secrets of a successful relationship
1- Obey Allah and His Prophet
This is the basic, most important and yet so simple step. Yes, this is main key to unlock doors of blessings and good fortunes. This is the essence of all the tips and secrets to keep yourself satisfied, content and relaxed. Always judge and measure every aspect of your life and relationship under the light of teachings of holy Prophet Muhammad and His family. Remember that they are the best ideals and perfect models for us to follow and they want from us nothing but our own better present and future. Just don’t go against what they have told us to do. Whether believe it or not, its not an emotional or sentimental statement, but it’s an undeniable, experimentally tested fact that following Prophet Muhammad and his family is the best way to develop understanding in a relationship. As both of you will be walking on the same footsteps, it will remove all the major differences between you, and last but not the least, Allah’s blessings will always be with you.
2- Be truthful and honest
Never ever even a single lie should come between you two. Some people say " It’s okay to hide truth if revealing it could put a relationship in danger." This is not a good attitude. Such people don’t know the following saying of holy Prophet Muhammad: -
" Never lie…even if telling the truth apparently causes your loss or hurts you in any way, as this apparent loss due to truth will be very less as compared to the greater loss and hurt you will ultimately get after lying."
A liar person can never be an honest person at the same time. Never forget this simple formula: -
Truth => Honesty => Understanding => Trust => Respect = Love
3- Be friendly and yet respectful
Be free, frank and friendly with your spouse. You should have enough trust on each other to share each and every thing. Joking, entertainment and intimacy is very much appreciated but you should not lose mutual respect at any cost. Remember, respect is something which, if once lost, never comes back.
“And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong.” (Soorah-e-Tauba , Verse 71)
4- Be content with what you have
This is the secret of permanent happiness. While comparing yourself with others in worldly matters specially in money, luxuries and facilities, never look up but always look down. Be content with what you have, don’t lust for more. Happiness can come without money too. You just need guts to realize and listen when it’s actually knocking on your door.
"then if you hate them, it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it. " (Soorah-e-Nisa, verse 19)
5- Never answer back spontaneously
This tip is especially for girls. It’s truth that due to their physical strength, superior biological activity, and traditional and cultural back ground, men usually have a greater tendency to lose their temper easily as compared to women. If you observe, you will find out that most disputes were very little in the beginning, but only " answer for answer" made them big ones. When your spouse is angry, or is losing his temper or is shouting… just have patience for a while. Control yourself, be gentle and be silent if appropriate, as “silence is the best weapon” in such situations. Trust me, on your silence, he will regret his own behavior late. Try to think the reasons which have made him angry. Was it really your mistake, or some other factor like his childhood brought up, office/ job tension, financial status, depression, family problems or zodiac dominance. After some time, when his anger and mood returns to normal, try to make him realize his mistake in a calm, cool manner.
6- Compromise
You both will have to adopt yourself according to each other. Don’t expect your partner to get changed all of a sudden for you. Guys should remember that a girl comes to them from a different and sometimes strange atmosphere. They should give her time to change and adopt herself according to their family traditions. Both of you must accept each other with all the good and bad present in each other then must try your best to remove those weaknesses. This is what we call as “compromise”. Have patience, give each other time to understand, and then adopt yourself positively. However, your faith and your religion is something which should never be compromised.
“Love your wife and be friendly with her, as it’s a tradition of the Prophets.” (Imam Jafer e Sadiq)
7- Be open
Don’t keep things in your heart. If you don’t like anything about your fiancé or spouse, don’t keep it in your heart. Tell that instantly but calmly and softly. Otherwise, if you keep those “dislikes” in your heart, it will begin to accumulate in your heart, making your mind polluted and it could erupt at any time, like a volcano, or like a sudden bomb blast, destroying everything and ruining the relationships.
8- Be gradual and slow
Things take time to develop and so does your relationship. It’s been noted that many people don’t have much control over their feelings and become “over-expressive” which ultimately removes all the charms from their relations. Be gradual and gentle in your expression, whether if it’s for love or any other thing. Always remember, faster a relationship develops, sooner it dies. It’s actually like a boiling milk, as soon as you turn off the flame, the bubbles settle down. Be unique, atypical and “experimental”. This will always keep your relation alive and fresh, insha’Allah.
9- Be gentle and caring
Both life partners should be very gentle, soft spoken and caring to each other. It has been frequently observed that many chauvinistic Muslim men openly threat their wives and say " In Islam, men are allowed to have four wives at a time." Such men should be ashamed of themselves and should have fear of Allah. They don’t know that unless there’s some appropriate religious reason, a man can’t have second wife in presence of one. It’s very understandable that at present time and circumstances when it’s becoming difficult to afford even one wife, men are not allowed to have second wife unless they have some proper justified reason for doing so.
“Allah does not like those men and women who marry twice and give divorce. Hence marry only one and then be satisfied with her.” (Prophet Muhammad)
" A man who has two wives, and then does not do justice among them, he will be chained and then thrown to hell." (Prophet Muhammad)
10- Keep praying
If your spouse has disappointed you, don’t be hopeless from Allah. Keep praying and supplicate with sincerity and all of your might. A man who is patient on the bad behavior of his ill-mannered wife, Allah gives great reward to him, equal to those of the prophets. Similarly, a woman who doesn’t lose her courage and temper on the bad behavior of her husband, she will be rewarded equally as the greatest holy ladies were.
“Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women.” (Soorah-e-Noor, verse 26)