Secrecy of the Rishta

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Do you think there is a fear that desi girls have that their girlfriends and other women will get jealous when they find out a rishta is in process of being formed, and so they don’t talk about it, sometimes keeping quiet up until wedding invites go out?

Is this fear warranted? Do ladies get jealous of each other about rishtas?

2

:)

3

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

4

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

i think there is some truth to the statement. people generally dont share rishta information until it is baath paki..probably for fear of nazar and jealousy.

5

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

Yes, and no. I consider it the same as how some choose not to reveal their pregnancies until they're well into it or those who only post on Facebook when the baby's born...or about an upcoming job interview, or whatever....keep it between a few people you're close to.....part of it may be jealousy and fear of nazar, but I think for most naturally private people the reasoning is... not everyone has to knwo everything right away ya kno?

Also, "not everyone who smiles at you is a friend."

6

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

I think it's because people want to save face if the rishta doesn't work out, so they don't talk about it till things are 100% final.
Different situation, but a friend of mine told everyone she's pregnant when she was 5-6 weeks along. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage in her 3rd month. Telling people she's no longer pregnant was the hardest thing for her...

7

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

I would choose to keep quiet about it until everything is finalized. For the fear of nazar and also if anything happened, I wouldn't want to make a huge thing about it & then have something go wrong. Maybe I'm being super paranoid, but I don't tell people things until they're 100% confirmed. Some of them I know do get jealous, so I don't mention much.

I do have friends that will genuinely be happy for me, so I tell them things but ask them to remain hush hush about it until everything is finalized. The ones that you know get jealous or have a tendency to, just remain quiet for your own sake.

I was talking to a friend a few days ago and she mentioned that she wanted to get married to this guy she liked and I said "inshaAllah". I didn't just say it for the sake of it but I actually meant it too. When I said the same thing she made a face and didn't say anything. It really hurt me. Be genuinely happy for someone, say mashaAllah & make dua for them. Allah will give you something even better. :)

8

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

^ I want to eat a samosa now. :(

9

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

yes, evil men and women might cause the breakup of the rishta before it materializes...so, keep it secret until nikahofied! :D

10

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

hehe. recently a friend did this. fear of "nazar" got married and then the world found out

11

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

may be kisi ki bori nazer na lagey :hehe:

12

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

Not necessarily. Some people don't want to have to go through a breakup and then have to face everyone and answer questions. And then some people are just private, and don't like to share things. It doesn't always have to be out of fear of nazar.

13

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

Its to avoid the 'ho hai's if the things don't work out. I don't think jealousy is a consideration in keeping such thing a total hush hush.

14

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

jub baak pakki huee hee nai tau dhindora kis cheez ka peetna ? jst to tell or daughter is 'in demand' ? I have seen people who keep telling they get 5 rishta's a day for their laadli/laadla when they have none..market value barhtee hai you know :P

15

Yes it happens and its not for the desi girls, desi boys do that too.

16

Secrecy of the Rishta

Kind of happened with us and never again will I share anything in this community until its 100% because once you put it out there people will give you their unwarranted two cents. My case was, my husband was contemplating moving not just out of state but out country for a career change. Things were ALMOST 100% but our moving time was still 7 months away. So since things were "almost" final we started telling his close friends. People had a lot to say about why they didn't think it was a good idea and a whole bunch of negative stuff. We started running into people who didn't even know us and knew we were moving or had "already" moved and would ask "oh, I didn't know you we're in town?" ... Low and behold we didn't end up leaving, plans change because hubby landed an awesome new job IN JANUARY and now we are STILL getting asked "oh your in town I thought you moved, who, what, when, where, why?!" We are such private people so when this decision was made and almost set hubby just felt how could he NOT mention it to our close family friends but people had a hoot with the information and for some reason it spread like wildfire because people need something to talk about.

Don't do it until you have a date or ring on your finger. I know we want to believe that people are not that evil and most would be happy for you, but the 40-75% who are not are usually the ones who scream the loudest at their discontent, behind your family's back of course. ...

I didn't tell anyone until things were final. Only my family knew that a rishta was sent but my hubby and I took our time to talk and once we decided we let our parents know. When I got engaged a few people were asking HOW out so and so girls could I be the first one blah blah. So my point is, protect and do yourself a favor. Keep a lid on it until you are 100% because you probably don't want anyone putting their two cents in. The ones who are happy for you don't usually keep telling you they are but the ones who are not come back over and over again about why they are not.

17

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

A couple years ago, my parents were in talks with a family in Pakistan for my sister's proposal. My family has been in Canada for many years. When we thought the rishta was almost done, my parents made the trip to Pakistan to meet the family. As part of the "background check" my parents approached a relative who knew this guy's family. This relative said a lot of good things about the guy. Little did we know, internally they weren't happy and had a different agenda.

So basically, we have a cousin sister who is younger than my sis (heck she is even younger than me) but for some reason she, being the oldest in her siblings, has always been compared to my sister. Her parents had apparently met this guy's family and got rejected. We didn't know this. And it shouldn't have mattered anyway, but it did to them. So they said some things to the guy's family and made sure our rishta didn't happen. Their reasoning was, app apni larki ka rishta us family main kaise kar sakte ho jab ke hamari beti ke liye rishta aaya tha aur nahi hua. They took their rejection as an insult, and this was their way of returning the favour to the guy.

This whole stunt was really absurd and wasted our trip to Pakistan. Thankfully, that girl is now married and hopefully won't cause any problems in the future for us. But you never know! It's best to involve only the immediate family and really close/trusted relatives in the initial stages.

18

Re: Secrecy of the Rishta

I don't know what they're afraid of or not but I wouldn't start telling anyone about news before there is any. Much like if I'm applying for a job, I wouldn't make any noise about it unless there's an offer from the employer's side at least.

19

Secrecy of the Rishta

^ exactly. Sometimes you put faith in people because you are close to them but it doesn't even matter if its your parents, any kind of circumstances can change things in a second and when it's outside of your immediate family ira hard to do damage control.