Kiara, you are goingthrough what girls your age normally go through. PaRhai khatam karo pehlay, you will be a wiser person 2 years down the road. At this point in time it is clear that you are very unsure, and what others have suggested that you should make up your mind first is the right thing to do. However, making up your mind does not mean that you lock yourself in your bedroom for an hour and then come out and declare yes or no to marriage. Abhi paRho, 2/3 saal ke baad khud samajh aa jaye gi. :)
Hmmm i can understand the pressure from parents to get married cuz i m going through the same pressure, i m only 25 and i dont find myself ready for marriage....i think u r tooo young, abhi khelnay koodnay ke din hein, enjoy karo. Dont stress urself out, take ur sweet time...finish ur studies and then think about marriage. Down the road if u meet someone that u feel comfortable talking to or hanging out with, be friends with him and u never know...u might find ur prince charming:) U just need to be a bit open too otherwise, finding a "nice" guy is almost impossible.
ok nobody can tell u how to find a nice and decent guy. u just hang out with people with the same interests, make friends here and there (college for example) and u just sometimes find someone you really like and want to get to know more…its a slow process and they wont necessarily jump out as the ideal person the first time u meet them. u gotta be realistic. i get the impression u dont wanna get an arranged marriage (or a marriage with those u most certainly think want u for jahez or greencard). all i can tell u is that u are only 22…too young to be worried…u should be looking for a nice guy but not getting married right away. it is imp for u to finish studies and figure out what u want to do in life. but if u DO wanna get married right away then look for a guy thats fairly stable and ready for marriage..im thinking somebody older than you ofcourse in their late 20s who wants to settle down…
thanx all of u but u r not getting my point and its bcoz u dont know anything about me.this is some thing very strange but let me tell u something very personal about myself.My dad left my mom when she was expecting me.He was an aged man and he wanted to use my mom for carrying the drugs she refused,bcoz it was the time when she knew that she was pregnant.she really worked hard for me i am the only hope for her.She waited for my dad for 9 years.and she took divorce.After that she got married when i was eleven and before getting married she asked that a guy proposed him wat shud i do?and at the age of eleven i was mature enough to tell her that go ahead i think u shud get married.my khala who was widow and living with us told me that stay away from ur step father and mom ur mom doesnot love u and step fathers are dangerous he can do anything.i was mature but still a kid i beleived her bcoz my mom works for whole day and she was the one who stays at home she was like my mother but my mom felt my changed behavior and then she asked and i cried and told her everything and then she realized that my khala was and is a bitch.she was always like this then my mom left the full day job adn started doing a job on parttime basis and she took all my responsibilities.My step father is a nice person but he also has a family of four kids and his wife is a total freak.my khala got married agian in the age of 50 with a 53 year old guy and she is happy.and we r also happy ka hamari jaan chhooti.My mom did so much for her brothers and sisters, but nobody did anything for her whenever she needed her family nobody was there for her.
People come to our place for the rishta purpose and ask for the family background my nanihaal lives in punjab and dadihaal is in karachi but they r not my actuall relatives.my grandfather comes to c us and bcoz my mom is a 2nd lady so we dont have any family.and when somebody finds the situation bcoz its very difficult to lie about ur life although now my mom has started to tell people that my father died.in punjab.
i have mentioned it that my friend who is aga khani proposed me,and may be i will say yes.do u wana know why?bcoz i dont have faith in myself,bcoz i have this thing in my mind that i will never find somebody who will never ask questions about my life,and never leave me bcoz of these things.i am not ashamed of my life.but yes i am afraid of getting married.i ahve this thing in my mind that will i ever be able to spend a good life or will i ever get married.my mom is getting older and weaker day by day she is a very strong lady but now she is tired.she wants me to settle down and she wants to c my kids.last year my mom had serious heart problem.and i was all alone who was takign care of her.my dad has his other responsibilities.he is a very nice person.but he never took his responsibilities for our house or towards my mom.she is still working and he never said that u r ill u shud not work.i will take care of all the respnsibilities.even doctors adviced her to stay at home she needs rest.but she is working for me.All she has done in her life was and is for me.and trust me i really dont know wat to do i feel totally helpless.when she was ill a guy proposed me and i said yes adn when she saw the guy she cried and cried and when i sak why ru crying she said just bcoz of my illness u r going to marry this ugly man.God forbid.we have no rigths to say things about people but like every mother she also has dream of a not so good looking but average looking guy for me.and like i know that she can go to any extent for me,i can also go to any extent for her.she is my only family.my only best friend.we fight alot but we love each other very much.she wants a guy who treat her like a mother.but nowadays as i have mentioned guys only want money or beauty. so Now do u have any answers of my question?and please dont need sympathies.
Kiara, i’m not sympathising with u (since u don’t want pity, it’s ok)…but i understand wot ur saying…my Khala’s husband was also a very bad man…maybe not as bad as wot ur saying about ur Father, but still, in our family everyone knows that my Khala was treated horribly for decades until one of her sons finally got her away from him…now her youngest daughter, out of seven kids, Mashallah is the only one left to be married…she is 24 and my Khala is also very worried about her rishta (they live in Pakistan)…but my cousin, she is absolutely terrified of marriage, understandably…she tells me things like, life is finished after marriage etc…
I believe a person and their parents/family know when they r ready or mature enough to get married…i don’t think it’s rite to put an age on it…some ppl r mature at age 20 and some r still acting like kids at 27…it depends on the person…everyone (or at least a lot of ppl) are afraid of marriage is some way…even with me, i’m not even getting an arranged marriage but i’m scared of certain things that come with it…i think the only way we can overcome these fears is just by letting ourselves accept that this will happen someday…so, i think if ur Mum wishes, and thinks the time is rite then listen to her…but listen to urself too…we can all advise u here and give u our experiences…but they will differ from ur own…in ur case, i think ur saying that u have decided to go thru with it BUT now ur just worried about finding ur best match…again, i wish u the best of luck
First of all I AM NOT A LOOSER:mad:,and if i am a looser u have no rights to call me a looser i ahve asked for the opinions not ur comments about me. second i really dont get it wat ur trying to tell me.If u just cant understand my problem then u better shut ur mouth and do not say anything about me.and may be life is simple for u but not for me.
Kismet has alot to do with it. Pray, ask Allah for a good husband. First ask him to guide you and give you a sense of peace in your life. You can't enter a marriage until you are satisfied and settled in your own life. Nobody else can give you a sense of happiness and fulfillment. That comes from inside of your own heart. It sounds like you had a rough life and you want to escape your past. You seem to want to please your mother. But really you want to make yourself happy.
Finish school, get a job. See the world, find yourself. Then when you're done all that think about marriage. Maybe along the way you'll meet Mr.Right and it'll happen somewhere and somehow when you least expected it. Good luck.
It’s loser. And everyone gives their harsh judgements here, don’t take anything personally here. It’s not worth feeling hurt over what some anonymous person wrote.
whoa! after reading all that kiara i am even more confused as to what a “decent” guy is for you.im gonna make an attempt at defining it though…well someone who is atleast average looking and not only respects you and can assure u a secure future but also somewhat take care of your mom…
i grasp from your account that your mom has been hurt by her first husband and the second one did not give her the security she needed…you yourself are haunted by the thoughts of an unsecure marriage and being used by a man…
again i will tell u that u cannot just go and pick any man and take his word or anyone’s word for that matter that he will be forever faithful to you, its all a matter of somewhat "stumbling’ upon the right guy ( i am excluding arranged marriages as u can see since they are ARRANGED)
yes your mother needs you but you also need to be aware of the fact that if you dont make an effort to befriend people, you might makea hasty decision regarding a life partner that u might regret. there are horrible people in every family, try to make friends outside your family and not think about them. alot of us have been hurt one way or another by sucky family matters and getting involved in other activites is the best way to not only forget about them but getting to know the thousands of people that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
and lastly....even though i understand your concerns with security, i believe that it is better to not be in any relationship at all than be in a painful one.
u are sooo funny,u know frist when u called me a loser i was very angry coz there was a time when i had this thing in my mind that i am a loser but this is the first time when somebody else called me a loser.but its ok honey i can understand ur condition.people like u have this kind of problem.but seriously yaar that was really hilarious.that now u r going to decide that i have no rights to live on this world.wat ru a God or something like it?and usually it happens that the person who think that the whole world is mad or every body is a freak.is one of the biggest idiot in this world.Honey why dont u go to a doctor i mean a psychiatrist coz i really pitty u.u seriously need a psychiatrist.aur haan forgot to tell u that i live in KARACHI PAKISTAN.agar koi doctor tumharay pagal pan ka elaaj na kar paaey to i dare u to come to me.mein tumhara saara pagal pan duur kardungi:p
ok guys thank u sooo much all of u that u gave me ur advices.I have talked to my mom about this matter and i told her that i am sick and tired of this thing that i have to get married.stop saying this again and agian.when the time come i will get married.she is still worried but i think she got my point i told her that i am going through alot of tension and mental stress.so please stop doing this,and she promised that she is not goign to do it again,and i know that she is not going to keep this promise for long:)bcoz she is a mother but i am definitly not going to take this matter on my nerves.
u people are right i am haunted by my past,and i just want to escape from it.i want somebody loving and caring but on the other hand i am afraid of commitments and shaadi thing.and about that aga khani friend.most of u gave me mashwara about it an di am really grateful for that coz i have made my mind for that also.u know wat i am writing these things very easily but its very hard to implement them but i will try my level best and INSHA ALLAH everything is going to be fine.In the end i really want to thank u all agian for giving me ur time and advice and for thinking about me sincerely although i dont share any relation with u.thank u soo much and may ALLAH bless u all and specially u **NIYAL ** coz u really need that;)
u are sooo funny,u know frist when u called me a loser i was very angry coz there was a time when i had this thing in my mind that i am a loser but this is the first time when somebody else called me a loser.but its ok honey i can understand ur condition.people like u have this kind of problem.but seriously yaar that was really hilarious.that now u r going to decide that i have no rights to live on this world.wat ru a God or something like it?and usually it happens that the person who think that the whole world is mad or every body is a freak.is one of the biggest idiot in this world.Honey why dont u go to a doctor i mean a psychiatrist coz i really pitty u.u seriously need a psychiatrist.aur haan forgot to tell u that i live in KARACHI PAKISTAN.agar koi doctor tumharay pagal pan ka elaaj na kar paaey to i dare u to come to me.mein tumhara saara pagal pan duur kardungi:p