Girl and a guy work together. They both like each other’s personalities, overtime become friends. The guy tells her that he has been hurt in love/lied to etc. in the past and hasn’t spoken to his past gal for about a year. The girl lets him know she likes him and the guy tells her the same in return. She tries her best that he gets over his past/lies etc. by being honest and truthful. They are both happy until the past girl messages. The guy tells the girl that “if my past comes back in a few months, I wouldnt know what to do”..the girl gets really confused and decides to give the guy time to sort things out. The guy doesn’t do anything to sort things out but waits it out. In the meantime, the girl keeps feeling hurt because it’s too late to let go. Everytime she tries to distance, he wants to almost hold on to her and does everything he can to make sure she doesn’t distance. Then eventually after about a year, the guy tells her we should remain just friends and that he can’t find it in himself to like any other girl in a way he likes his past girl.
The girl lets him know she is angry and hurt over this and lessens her contact. But she tries her best to understand the guy’s situation bc they had been good friends. But she feels absolutely stuck…
PS: I am just looking for some perspective…Although this situation is truly not as bad as what others in this world go through, it is very tough for the girl as she is really confused as to why would any guy involve another girl in the picture when he is not over his past…
Girl and a guy work together. They both like each other's personalities, overtime become friends. The guy tells her that he has been hurt in love/lied to etc. in the past and hasn't spoken to his past gal for about a year. The girl lets him know she likes him and the guy tells her the same in return. She tries her best that he gets over his past/lies etc. by being honest and truthful. T*hey are both happy until the past girl messages. The guy tells the girl that "if my past comes back in a few months, I wouldnt know what to do"..the girl gets really confused and decides to give the guy time to sort things out.* The guy doesn't do anything to sort things out but waits it out.** In the meantime, the girl keeps feeling hurt because it's too late to let go. Everytime she tries to distance,** he wants to almost hold on to her and does everything he can to make sure she doesn't distance.** Then eventually after about a year, the guy tells her we should remain just friends and that he can't find it in himself to like any other girl in a way he likes his past girl.
The girl lets him know she is angry and hurt over this and lessens her contact. But she tries her best to understand the guy's situation bc they had been good friends. But she feels absolutely stuck...
PS: I am just looking for some perspective...Although this situation is truly not as bad as what others in this world go through, it is very tough for the girl as she is really confused as to why would any guy involve another girl in the picture when he is not over his past...
He liked the girl, he was/is attracted to her.........but not to the extent that he was attracted to his ex. When he told the girl that he wouldn't know what to do if his ex was to enter his life again............she should have tried moving on from him from that point (IMO) because that's like indirectly saying that he'd pick the ex over her if she were to come back.
The girl gave him time to sort things out .....but to her it seemed like he wasn't doing any sorting.....which means that he wasn't making a real effort to move on from his ex....he doesn't want to move on from her...he's still hoping she'll return to him. He's keeping that door open. So, she did receive some "red flag" or warning signs....that should have told her that she needs to detach herself from him romantically.
I think the reason why he freaks out when the girl starts distancing herself from him is because he feels vulnerable..........and doesn't want to alone. He knows that his ex has not entered his life in the way that he would like (such as becoming his girlfriend again). If the Ex was willing to become his GF, he would leave the other girl. But since that's not the case......he doesn't want to be left completely alone either.....which is why he holds on when she tries to leave him. It could also be that he doesn't wan to lose her friendship even though he can't wholeheartedly reciprocate her feelings.
In the end, maybe he felt that it's impossible for him to get over his ex...and thought that (as hurtful as it is) it's better to be honest with her. Perhaps he could have been "honest" much sooner.....but maybe he wasn't sure about what he wanted. He liked the girl...maybe thought that he could build a relationship with her....but realized (during the relationship) that he can't seem to get over his past.
As the posters above have suggested, it's better if she moves on...and this would include maintaining a distance from him and being FIRM about it no matter how vulnerable and wishy-washy he becomes. If she keeps surrendering to him....it's going to delay the process of moving on.
hmm ok, perhaps that is the case^. well, she is trying to move on. Unfortunately, the friendship has suffered..atleast temporarily but that's almost a given. She doesn't feel angry or anything but more insulted. Sometimes, people don't realize that their confusions and inability to make decisions on time can really hurt another person.
"............she should have tried moving on from him from that point (IMO) because that's like indirectly saying that he'd pick the ex over her if she were to come back."
Well, this is why she is not arguing or complaining much. She realizes she should've moved on when this was said. But she didnt do it because the guy would consistently ask her initially (in the beginning) that she will not leave him..so she had this at the back of her mind..that she should make effort and give him time to sort things out instead of just leaving.
He needed an emotional crutch, now that his old one is back, she isn't relevant anymore. She should be thankful, neediness and indecision is never a good combo, especially in guys.
He needed an emotional crutch, now that his old one is back, she isn't relevant anymore. She should be thankful, neediness and indecision is never a good combo, especially in guys.
Here you go , this is the main problem . ITS NEVER TOO LATE . She ''thinks'' it is , but its NOT .
Agreed actually but you know sometimes, it is hard to just let go and leave all of a sudden esp if you know you will be accused of the one who just 'ran' or 'escaped'. The girl believes in "it's never too late', hence, trying her best to move on. But this kind of situation is hurtful for anyone actually..."it's never too late" is much easier said than done.
The heart wants what the heart wants. He still wanted his ex; she wanted him and stayed with it until there was absolutely no chance cause he went back to the ex. C'est la vie en amor. Time will be her best healer and then hopefully she'll find someone else.