Scared of the future?

Lifestyle Relationships
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For the past few nights I can’t sleep (and have even cried) because i keep having dismal thoughts about the future/kismet.

Why am I feeling like this? Over the last couple of weeks I have seen and heard things, and read several saddening stories on here, and this has made me think about what disappointments and pain is in store in my future. The following are some examples of the things that I fear:

  1. Marriage - there is no-one in special in my life atm, but everything about the instution of marriage which I hold to be sacred scares me. After hearing so many stories, i fear my partner cheating, leaving, divorcing or remarrying and taking a second wife.
    (Only yesterday this was brought to the forefront of my attention, when a family friends wife cried her eyes out to my mum and said her husband told her on new years day that he had taken a second wife, despite their marriage being a love marriage and having children. She says her pain is more heart-wrenching because even her children have accepted the other woman and call her auntie.

  2. Children - all my family and friends say that i have no maternal instincts, therefore i’m terrified that I will be a disappointment as a mother or that they will disspoint/reject me and have no respect for family values. But the biggest fear is losing a child - don’t think I could ever handle and would probably lose the will to live.

  3. Career/achievement - worriness eats away at me that i will not achieve the aims i have set for myself and be established in the career that i want. Ironically, it also worries me that if i do achieve the goals i have set for myself that i will still not feel any satisfaction.

Sometimes, i even wish that i could die young so that i don’t have to face my fears. I know this is not normal. But, i feel that even if there is happiness in store for me, then i do not deserve it when there are so many other woman in the world who are suffering in worse situations than i can ever think of (example, violence, rape. loss of child etc)

I am usually very optimistic with a positive outlook, and someone who see’s the glass as half full, which makes it even more difficult for me to undertand why i am having these thoughts/fears. I always advocate confidence and to enjoy each moment to others, so why can i not use this advice myself when i need it most?

Why am i having these thoughts?

Do other have these thoughts? and how do i deal with them because they are really getting me down?

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Re: Scared of the future?

I think we all have these thoughts from time to time.

I myself have experienced something very similar as of late and the current job market and the appalling stories one hears about marriage do put your mind into overdrive.

However, when I sat down and thought about it rationally, my concerns and fears are rooted in the uncertainty of what the future holds. We can attempt to aspire towards our goals and hope to achieve them but still we do not know fully what will happen.

Some things have not panned out the way I wanted to but I have compromised and feel more content now alhamdulilah then I would have had I pursued what I had initially wanted.

I think what you need to do and what I am trying to do myself is to focus on the here and now. The other things career and marriage fall into place and at the right time. We can spend endless nights worrying about it but what will that achieve?

Concentrate on what you want from life. If you are at a stage where you are about to step onto the career ladder, harness your energy towards making that step.

Spend time with friends and family and enjoy what you have. Time will fly by and do you really want to look back at a later date and think why did I waste so much time. Your reasons and fears are valid, it is just that they should not take over your life. These are uncertain factors of life, which until we go through them we will not funny comprehend what will happen.

Wht r u doing ?
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Re: Scared of the future?

DDR :k:

“Here and now” is the best way to keep onself from going insane.

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Re: Scared of the future?

Find solace in your religion .... if nothing else, they are pretty good for times like these.

otherwise, be open enough to learn the art of dealing with uncertainty.

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Re: Scared of the future?

You're probably at a point in your life where you see things and people around you changing. Sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. Of course, we dont fear positive change...we only fear negative.

Always remember all of us go through stages of life. As a baby, toddler, child, teenager, young adult, wife, mother, grandmother, etc. Sometimes getting to the next step is not as easy as it seems...many people go through tons of trial/error before they actually get what they want. A woman may not have her dream marriage the first time around and end up divorcing. Is that so sad if the divorce brings her closer to her soul mate? No, but it is when you're going through it. Think of the butterfly and how yucky it looks while undergoing its marvelous transformation. Think of puberty and how pimply faced teenagers turn into doctors, engineers, lawyers, teachers, presidents, etc.

You may stumble as a parent but you'll do the best you can and be a great mother, Inshallah. No one is born with maternal instincts...they are given to you when you become a mother. I see this all around me. My sister was such a tomboy before she had her baby. She was simple and also quite relaxed when it came to housework, laundry, cooking, etc. Meaning, it never got done. After the baby, she has done a complete 180. The only thing on her mind 24/7 is the welfare of her child...and that child is always well fed, dressed beautifully, hair done in little pigtails, happy, etc. The point is, she became a mother when it was time for her to become a mother, so will you. The fact that you even worry about this is a sign to me of how concerned you are about your future kids.

Its life and its not meant to be the same for everyone. Its also your kismet and you're not meant to know it all now. Your route to achieving your goals and dreams will not be the same as your sister's/friend's/cousin's/etc. If someone else is suffering at the moment, be a good friend and support them through their rough patch. But dont be scared of what if's...you will stop living and miss out on all the good stuff...like your wedding day, the first time you hold your baby, landing that great job, graduation, making your parents proud, etc.

Things are changing, life is moving forward...go along with it and dont be frightened. I wont say you will be happy all the time...I will say the happy moments will be so great...every struggle will be worth it.

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Re: Scared of the future?

hey sweetpip
chin up luv, and stop listening to everyones elses bad stories and take note of the good things...

many good things said on this thread to encourage you, thats not my style, but if u want to PM me we can have a chat....
your brother
AT

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Re: Scared of the future?

sweet pip - enjoy your present instead of worrying about the future.

Time is something that you don't get back again.

Count your blessings and live the today to the fullest

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Re: Scared of the future?

Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for ur suggestions.

I am usually a levl-headed person, and I know these thoughts are irrational but they're really worrying me. I felt like I was having a panic attack last night and awake until 3am although i had to get up at 6am for an interview.

Dil di rani: i suppose it is the uncertainty i fear and having to accept that i cannot control destiny no matter how much i want to.

i am about to step onto the career ladder after years of studying. However, in the current economic situations it is difficult, although i am getting job offers, its not the offers i need to qualify as a lawyer. Despite flying through with top grades and going to one of the red-brick universities, there are less opportunities out there because of the recession.

But in every other of my life i am content. However, my heart tears when i hear about all the zulms being inflicted on women across the world, whether it be by the Taliban or by their own families. And even here in the UK seeing a woman who is so weak that she can't prevent her husband taking another wife and then trying to detach her children from her - I have lost all respect for this guy. He has brought her to a totally new alien country where she has absolutely no family/support and then broken the news that he has taken another wife.

Straight-up: i know what you are saying is true, and that is how i usually think. I want to be that girl again.

Intoxicated: thank-you, i have been weak in prayers recently, and i will be more steadfast in prayers and in my faith, and inshallah find guidance through islam. I am sick of people twisting islam and using it to justify their irresponsible and wrongful behaviour - so hopefully with guidance from the Quran i will find the truth.

**PS-Squared: **everything i see or hear is for the worse!

Alhumdulillah i have a loving and supporting family, and with them i feel loved, safe and secure. I know that I will always have their support throughout my life, and that is not something most people have. When i am around my family, i am happy and content, but i question whether i will be content when i do leave my parents. I feel as if i had far more than my share of my happiness compared to other girls out there, and as a consequnec i will have to deal with the share of disappointment that are due to me because i have been so happy so far in my life.

*"But dont be scared of what if's...you will stop living and miss out on all the good stuff" - *you've described me perfectly in this sentence, and i know it is irrational. I am hoping that this is just a temporary clitch in my life.

ArchitectTrader: thankyou.

njgal: after the recent depressing stories i have heard, i am so grateful for everything that i have. I am blessed with loving parents who are still in the prime of their health, and beautiful (and sometimes annoying) siblings. I have more than most girls could ever dream of - and importantly i have my freedom.

Ur right time is something that you can never get back, but considering the way i am feeling at this moment i just want time to stand still.

Time Pass-August 2013
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Re: Scared of the future?

Sweetpip

Career wise I am/was in the same boat as you. A law degree from a red brick Univeristy but the climate is such that it was becoming depressing to think about. I have made some career changes now and feel much better about the direction my life is heading alhamdulilah. Maybe later on in life I may go back to law, for now I am content. If you are finding it hard to secure a job, maybe compromise a little and go for smaller/medium size firms or consider volunteering for a short while. You just need to make the initial step after that the world is your oyster.

We have no control over other misfortunates. They make us really sad but all we can do is pray for those who are suffering. Praying for someone is priceless.

:) Things will be fine for you inshallah, just don't overcomplicate it for yourself and like I have said previously the here and now is what is most important.

Alladin Ka Chiragh... :D :D :D :D :D
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sweetpip, everyone feels like this at some point or another, we all have fears, but you either let those fears/worries take over your life, or you dont pay them any attention and focus on the positives in your life, the things to be hopeful about. you might feel like this for a few days longer, a few months longer, but its not permanent and soon inshallah you will start to feel better and less scared. Try and distract yourself from such thoughts, read a book,watch a film, do something creative and have hope, you’ll be fine :hugz:

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Re: Scared of the future?

just keep praying and have faith in Allah all ur wories and fears will disapear Inshallah