I’m just curious. With all the Life1 horror stories, do you get scared for your children’s futures and what will happen to them with all this rishta BS stuff that goes on? ie. in-law horrors, they way DIL’s get treated, people not being able to marry each other for petty reasons, cheating, lies during the rishta process, etc?
God, it scares the crap out of me. One thing I have to deal with this, another the thought of giving birth to a little baby who will be left to maneuver in this sort of atmosphere of “muslims”.
I worry about my kids but for other stuff. Education, opportunities, prejudice, well being. I don't worry about rishta stuff, because I think the basic hypothesis of ppl is incorrect.
I worry about my kids but for other stuff. Education, opportunities, prejudice, well being. I don't worry about rishta stuff, because I think the basic hypothesis of ppl is incorrect.
Yep, that’s pretty scary, and the lack of ikhlakiyat underlying rishta actions is what makes the rishta part of it scary.
So far, all I can gather is people are interested in :
look
money
dowry
location, location, location, you got an apartment in NYC, condo in Miami, large plantation in Texas…whaaaaa
degrees - and not the effort behind it, otherwise, you’d see young female professionals being sought after but their degrees dont matter - but rather just the prestige of the title ie. doctor obsession
money
money
money
family name
family origins
my mom likes your mom (vs. our moms can’t drink chai together, so we’re not gonna nikkah up)
you must be interviewed by every woman in his family, and she needs to approve
demands on the women - is she gonna wear a hijab? is she gonna stop her job? is she gonna work and hand me the money? is she gonna paon dabao my dad’s diabetic feet? :halo:
I don’t like that his sister is not gonna wear the color I want her to wear on my wedding
Oh wait, he’s actually divorced and has a baby, whaaaat???
Sorry dear but what else should they be interested in?? You can not expect something extraordinary in arrange marriages. You will find them interested in this and that’s the way it is. There is nothing wrong with that.
In fact sometimes, it happens in love marriages too… not by the to-be-couple but by either of the family. What’s wrong with that?
Of course, when two families don’t know each other, they would make sure to know every possible thing they can to be assure of a bright future of their Child. And yes, it includes Origin of the family, family name, money/ enough finances to run a proper life, expecting dowry is nothing to worry about these day, I guess it has been a tradition followed by most of the people and is, a fact, Yes, two families would want to like eachother, if they don’t, the marriage won’t work, getting approval from some member is kind of respect, sometimes this role is played by Dadi, Naani or Phuppo of the child and even the eldest brother, again nothing wrong in that, Looks, yes, everyone has right to live with a person of his interest and by the way I have seen couples with either of them ugly and I am not using the term as an offense, its, about being attractive to someone, not necessarily whom you consider as a handsome man would be considered handsome by others. So looks is justifiable too!! Wearing Hijab, whats wrong with that, if someone really wants to have a hijabi wife then he has every right to know whether she wears hijab or not… If he doesn’t bother and make her wear it after the marriage forcefully then people around make comments how cruel and rude the Man is!! What’s wrong if he wants to find out what she wears and how she conducts herself in public… About divorced and having a baby… you think one shouldn’t bother much about this before getting married to a person who was a divorcee and has a kid??
There is nothing wrong with that PCG. What else you think you or anyone would come across when finding a rishta??
^ If you don't see something wrong with my list, then, well what can I say. Pakistanis are messed up, because...there are actually people out there who are Pakistani and messed up. Not surprising that some post here.
^ If you don't see something wrong with my list, then, well what can I say. Pakistanis are messed up, because...there are actually people out there who are Pakistani and messed up. Not surprising that some post here.
Don't generalize yar. I have seen other than Pakistani's too. You talk about Pakistani. What would you say about the customs jisme betiyon ko becha jata hay?? At least it doesn't happen in Pakistan, else I have seen in different nations, where they settle an amount before giving their daughter to a family!! Selling your own daughter is the biggest shame in my view! and I am glad I am a Pakistani, where it doesn't happen.
Actually selling daughters DOES happen in Pakistan. There is a whole trade of this. They get sold into slavery, prostitution, and sometimes are sold for marriage to elder men or men from other countries.
The dowry is a direct opposite, you're paying the guy to take the girl off your hands. The bigger dowry fetches the better boy.
And this happens even today. One of my girlfriends from college - parents footed a house, a car, a Rolex watch, to get their son-in-law, who works on computers. Because the quality of guys is THAT bad, that they had to foot all that dowry to get a computer nerd...
Actually selling daughters DOES happen in Pakistan. There is a whole trade of this. They get sold into slavery, prostitution, and sometimes are sold for marriage to elder men or men from other countries.
The dowry is a direct opposite, you're paying the guy to take the girl off your hands. The bigger dowry fetches the better boy.
And this happens even today. One of my girlfriends from college - parents footed a house, a car, a Rolex watch, to get their son-in-law, who works on computers. Because the quality of guys is THAT bad, that they had to foot all that dowry to get a computer nerd...
Ok might happen if you say, but I would not forget to add "too", it happens in other countries too. Hence saying how messed up Pakistanis are, is totally unjustifiable because every nation, every religion, has their own traditions and customs, some are appreciated by the society while others are highly disliked.
As far as the situation you mentioned, I feel sorry to point out, its not always the guy's choice, sometimes this dowry game is played by the girl's side too as you stated "the bigger dowry fetches the better boy" !! Just to grab a wonderful proposal, I have seen families who do everything and anything to get the boy. It includes the quality dowry to even obeying everything that the boy family requires. Their motive is just, "bus larka hath main aajaye" . So blaming specific gender, specific society, specific nation and specific religion is quite inappropriate and unjustifiable here.
Good ones remain good and bad ones will remain the same. Nothing can change them. No one specifically is to be blamed.
Not just the future of the institution of marriage that scares me....but the overall decline of society in terms of character, values, spread of shamelessness ...and all the crap that kids are exposed to way before they even reach the stage of marriage ....is frightening. I think it's more of a challenge when the values you want to instill in children come into conflict with the beliefs/practices of the macro-culture.
As for the horror stories of Life 1, I think the single reader's mind would be too paralyzed by the fear of their own marriage to think so far down the road as to how it would fare for their offspring, lol.
