that the date for nikkah is set n its conifrmed wiht those people what to do n when but now the things that were coming up inside of u about them b4(hatred stuff) that u thought u could bury them n forget that n accept this rsitha whole heartedly but now as time is getting closer u realize u really cant n ur having like major doubts about going ahead witht this function n about being part of those ppl family who u know were beiman at one time.. so what should u do now?
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For many new brides and grooms, it is simply cold feet. Think about how serious these feelings are. Talk to a friend or journal. If they actually do seem serious, I would say talk to someone mature who can help you navigate these feelings. Maybe bring your parents in the loop so that they can take any action if need be, i.e. delay the nikkah or something, IF the need be.
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As Curious Lady said above…it’s natural to get cold feet. Your mom doesn’t like the guy and his family…so her opinion will only make your fears worse. Your dad…is a guy…and would have a better understanding of men in general. He also seems to like the family…so talk to your dad about your fears and ask him why he thinks your fiance would make a good husband…,etc. Reflect over their recent treatment/behavior.
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If you marry another guy…a family with no history of baimaani toward you…that’s no guarantee that you’ll have a perfect relationship with your in-laws after marriage.
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And you brought this masla up a long time ago in some thread where you asked if you should marry a guy whose family you feel such hatred for. And even in that thread…I remember several people had advised you that it was a bad idea to marry a guy if you have not moved on your grudge toward his family. So, you can’t say you weren’t warned even by strangers on this website…but you went ahead with this rishta anyway…
There were other guys out there that you could have married. And now you might say “But he’s a really nice guy…he’s totally innocent…he’s different from his family…he was never involved in the baimaani…he never had any idea…and he’s really good looking…and he really respects me and loves me, etc etc” In your old thread…you never mentioned that you were “in love” with him…you mainly just said he was a good person. The thing is…you could have married some other guy…who was also a good person and didn’t have the family history of baimani and whose family you actually found decent or at the very least…didn’t hate them. Didn’t have to go through with this guy.
So…now you have two options:
A) Think about your feelings…talk with someone like your dad (who can hopefully think in a more neutral manner)…or a sibling, etc. Try praying istikhara for guidance.
B) If it’s bothering you that much…and you feel that it will be a problem that you can’t ignore after marriage…then end the rishta. People make mistakes…and if your in-laws have changed or asked for forgiveness…it won’t be right for you to carry a grudge even after marriage. That grudge can reflect in your body language, tone of voice, attitude, perspectives…and can affect your relationship with your husband even. It would be an inconvenience…especially for the guy…to end the ristha especially if his heart was into it. But a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
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