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Tooti hui Khabar – Breaking News] Pakistan Cricket Team in danger of missing rest of ODI series
By our medicinal correspondent
Multan: Millions of Pakistani fans and dedicated effigy burners are today facing up to the grim reality that the team they all love to hate and hate to love, may be too ill to take further part in the rest of the HutchPutch ODI series.
Disclosing further details of this sensational possibility with the TSN, the neuro-surgeon attached to the Pakistani cricket team, Dr. Naved Ayubi, explained that due to irreparable damage sustained by the minds of the Pakistani team in last 10 overs of the match in Lahore, many team members had suffered severe medically related ego problems and would be unable to continue - unless decisive medical action was taken immediately.
When asked about the type of remedial action that he would recommend, Dr. Naved Ayubi said that he would be attempting to perform a complex and hitherto undocumented procedure among Pakistani inhabitants, known as “persistent ego removal procedure” from the minds of all Pakistani players and officials.
This painful procedure, the doctor explained, would involve some techniques from the revolutionary field of verbal medicine such as selected gallian (translation: words that may sound like profanities), followed by some medicinal Phainti [translation: a gentle application of massive force on each players back sides with a Eagle Chappal size 90 ). It was hoped that this treatment, if delivered on time and in measured doses of 1000thapars/sec each could treat the current problems faced by this team - forever. It could produce some side effects as a slight limp or even being stuck on a wheelchair all life but this was too small a price for a larger goal.
Our Internet Correspondent adds:
The news of such impending doom at the doorsteps of the Pakistani cricket team was greeted with cries of “Yippee” and “Aye Hai, Oye Hoi” in many internet forums. As leaders of the arm and wheelchair supporters clubs joined in unison with cries of “YES!! – about time – out with Sifarishis” and “Woohoo – on to my millionth post”, many were shocked that this treatment hadn’t been meted out earlier. The head of the PakistaniGorillay supporters club, Nanga Bradman was very vociferous in his views. He said “for years I have wondered what is in the middle of these peoples heads and todays news has confirmed it – there is actually nothing ! I hope we give a mega phainty to all and then replace the whole team with bunch of people that I personally like and most of whom are my cousins”
Leaving nothing to chance, the head of the Efffigy Burners association (Aamir Sohail faction) an ex cricketer named Aamir Sohail also repeated his oft heard mantra of removing the worst pimple on Pakistans face – He claimed “I hereby declare that I will personally burn one effigy a day in the shape of a round English person until this person leaves – after which I will burn effigy of another suitable candidate and so on just like this…”.[Editors note: The interview ended very abruptly afterwards as Aamir accidentally set fire to the settee on which our correspondent was seated – Allah Jannat naseeb karay]
Our PCB correspondent adds:
Reports of possible medical repercussions reached the Pakistani training camp in Multan, causing mass panic and an air of urgency among Pakistani players. Although, the Pakistani captain was unable to talk to the reporters as he ran his 50th lap of the ground, clocking in at 40Km/hr, the team bus driver, Naram Khan indicated that the players were very worried about the side effects of this treatment and had asked for some leniency in the treatment. It was further revealed that the management at PCB had accepted this player request and assigned Aamir Sohail to oversee further treatment. 
:CareBear: