Finally some good news for a beleagured Shoaib… 
Shoaib Akhtar in new sponsorship deal
By our sponsorship reporter
Rawalpindi: As Shoaib Akhtar ponders his immediate future in Pakistan cricket, TheSourceNews can reveal that he has received some well deserved financial respite with the announcement of sponsorship by the Pakistan Railways. Known to many in the know as the 'Pindi Express for the simple joy of being carefree and happy as well as bowling fast, it is understood that the Railways have decided to use Shoaibs reputation to its advantage and make him their leading model in an upcoming commercial.
Although details of the actual contract are not known at this point, TheSourceNews special reporter on sponsorship affairs, NoddyGreen was able to contact the head of Railways Advertising, Mr. MiggyJan Khan for his views. Speaking to NoddyGreen, He said “For many years we have observed Shoaibs camera skills and his speed but what impresses us most is the fact that he seems to have the perfect hair for our commercial. This is the reason why we did not chose Sami as his hair dye is not reliable, plus Sami gets easily startled by loud noises such as bat on ball”
NoddyGreen was then shown a first cut of the commercial in which Akhtar is seen riding a bike with hair flowing back. He then turns around and says to the camera “Ab Ayega Mazaa” [Translation: Now we shall derive pleasure] with his trademark smile, as he pulls in front of the Rawalpindi express at Lahore Cantt. Shoaib and the train are then seen leaving the station together for Rawalpindi. Details at this point are a little fuzzy but Shoaib then pulls up 400 yards down the line. The smiling face of the train driver ( played by some Foreign/English person, rather rotund and closely resembling the current Pakistani coach ) then appears on the screen. As the train merrily chugs away, the driver is shown as smirking and mouthing “Take the Real Rawalpindi Express - it only pulls carriages NOT hamstrings, hahahahaha”. Camera then focusses on Shoaib who says in his perfect Australian/Irish/Pindi accent “No probs mate, atleast my hair is better.., hahahahaha.” According to Mr. MiggyJan, reaction to the commercial shown to a selection of the general public ( 4 people ) has been enthusiastic to say the least. Almost 100% were convinced that the Rawalpindi express was a train and almost the same number described Shoaibs hair as gorgeous while many were astonished to know that he can bowl as well!
Shoaib when asked about his latest foray into the glamorous world of advertising was his usual modest self, calmly describing his role in the advertisement as one that could win him the biggest title in International Cricket, the Oscar ( currently held by Brett Lee of Australia ). He further went on to say, that if only he had the support of old bores like Rana and Kaneria, he would have landed the Samsung commercial as well.
Our PCB correspondent Adds:
Wasim Bari, who has completely recovered from his earlier issues with stress and Taufeeq Umar was at hand at the Gaddafi stadium for his comments. He lamented the good old days when it was enough for a cricketer to simply hold a bottle of Seven Up to earn money - there was absolutely no need to prance around on rail tracks and throw your hair back every 10 seconds !!". When informed by the correspondent that he may be sacked and Haroon Rashid reinstated as manager for series in the West Indies , he let out what medical experts usually describe as a “whimper”, before collapsing in a heap. Shannoo Faqeer, PCBs resident clairvoyant (who successfully forecast that Pakistans cricket team would field 11 players in a given match ) and Babu the toilet cleaner ( expert on team selection at PCB) quickly took over the discussion and described Shoaibs appearance in the commercial as a commendable way of proving his fitness to the general public, saying that local matches were a complete waste of time as drinks were never served on time and the quality of lunch was despicable and below standards.
Reaction from the Pakistani captain, Inzamam, could not be obtained as he is still recovering from a bruised posterior caused by some over enthusiastic supporters dropping him after lifting him at the airport. The fate of the unfortunate supporter is not known at the moment. However, Mohammad Sami who is also recovering from wounds suffered after hitting the ceiling lights as he was gleefully thrown up by supporters, was at hand to answer our questions. Dazed but not shy, he said “its great that people are finally recognizing achievements of the main fast bowlers in Pakistan - I myself have been offered a leading role in a commercial for Kalakola hair tonic. Sure the role involves great acting techniques such as smiling inanely for 5 seconds but it clearly demonstrates my intelligence as a fast bowler for all to see !!!”
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