**PCB launches search to find the next star.
**By our idle correspondent
Sukkur: Buoyed by their outstanding success to unearth Pakistan’s next pace sensation, the PCB is to launch a better competition which promises to raise the stakes even higher. The competition, titled PCB Idol, will be launched immediately after Eid. Details of this initiative have been revealed in an exclusive interview to the TSN by PCBs new media spokesman, Mr. SutchMutch Khan.
Speaking from the newly completed “C for Cattle” stand at the Gaddafi stadium, where the PCB hopes to attract large number of BarmyArmy supporters with promises of free tickets, curry, Laager with free access to attached toilets and puke bins, SutchMutch was adamant that this idea would be great for Pakistan cricket. He said “For many many many years, I have been watching TV for some inspiration. The other day between watching a rerun of Baywatch, I was struck by the simple beauty of another American show – Teeny Idol”. He then called Babu, PCBs Head toilet cleaner and Chief Strategist, to explain this idea. As both men excitedly explored all possibilities, it became clear that not only was this a good idea; it was actually a super idea! The idea was then passed on to the PCB selection committee, under the leadership of Mr. Bari who endorsed it wholeheartedly, recommending that Taufeeq Umar be crowned as the first PCB idol forthwith ( pending his arrival from Australia where he is still waiting to play for Pakistan ). The Pakistan coach, Mr. Bob on the other hand, for reasons known only to himself (possibly based on his dislike of Babu), was a little hesitant to approve this scheme. He cited mental issues with the organizers and (what can only be presumed as) jokingly called for public executions for all concerned (TSN salutes our coach for him humor in such serious times). However, the final decision is pending with Mr. Shehriyar Khan who is a great fan of Sindhi karaoke. He is likely to decide by the First Test at Multan
Whereas the format of the competition is totally undecided at the moment due to last minute objections of certain political groups who don’t want to mix music with cricket, it will loosely consist of each Pakistani cricket probable singing in Punjabi/Siraiki/Urdu and Pushto, making lassi in the fastest time and parading around in banyan and lungi/dhoti ( String vest and Pakistani Sarong ). Only once they have met these stringent conditions will they proceed to the next round where a suitable ex cricketer, such as Aamir Sohail will whip them senseless. The survivor/winner of this round will then be crowned as PCB Idol and asked to join the national cricket team asap.
Our Cricket Correspondent Adds:
A ripple of excitement has spread through the ranks of all experts in Pakistan at the mouthwatering prospect of this competition. Whereas some killjoys such as Aaqib Javed and Imran Khan are threatening PCB with legal abuse, most others are happy that Pakistani cricket is making steady progress in the right direction. According to ex Cricketer and famous literary critic, Sarfraz Nawaz, Pakistan now has the opportunity to produce such great people like Tom Jones and Mariah Carey with the agility of Mohammad Khalil. He blamed the current plight of Pakistani talent on Mr. Bob and renewed calls for “deportation” of all foreign individuals who were against this idea. Another expert on most unsavory affairs, Aamir Sohail welcomed his own participation in the enterprise and said that he was looking forward to the good old times when he could phainti (whip) players senseless. He wondered if his part in the competition could be extended by a few hours and if some Indian participants such as Venkatesh Prasad could be allowed in as well? Meanwhile among the general populace the mood was mixed. At Burns road In downtown Karachi, an area well known for the worlds best effigy craftsman, hundreds of workers were laughing away as they made special effigies of Pakistani players in various poses. Jalao Shah, an old effigy merchant could hardly hide his excitement “I just hope these jokers in PCB don’t change their mind – If the winners of this competition make it to the team, my family and I can retire in the seaside town of Keamari tomorrow !! “
Our PCB correspondent Adds:
As a satisfied Babu and staff were busy giving finishing touches to the facilities and the electrified fences at the Gaddafi stadium, it was clear that this latest idea had captured the imaginations of many PCB staff. As they hummed famous tunes by Abba and Allun Faqeer while setting up port-a-loos (portable toilets) for English visitors, many were openly asking if the famous film star Reema would be seen bowling to Trescothick in the coming weeks or If Shoaib would wear his printed Dhoti to the competition? However, amidst all this, one person who looked very serious and not too calm in this day of fun and frolic was the head man from PCB, Mr. Shahryar Khan. As he barked orders to the PCB operatives on the field, we asked one of them what PCB head honcho was on about? “Nothing special”, said the cleaner – “he just wants to know if anyone’s seen his Dianna Ross Album!”
** [Eid Mubarak from TheSourceNews]** 