In the wake of various teams pulling out of tours citing “security concerns”, the PCB has shocked the cricketing world by announcing that they’re pulling out of the World Cup due to “insecurity concerns”. Cranking the loopiness meter all the way up to 11, PCB president Ijaz Butt said in a press conference: "I regret to announce that the Pakistan cricket team will not be participating in the upcoming World Cup tournament due to grave insecurity reasons. The concerns include potentially dangerous first-round humiliation, the high risk of mid-tournament retirements-in-a-huff by players whose names start with Y, and scandals caused by vandals throwing sandals. Taking all this into consideration, we have taken the decision to withdraw from the competition.
“While the respective governments of the host countries have indeed addressed our security concerns, they are unwilling to do anything to address our insecurity matters. So we are left with no choice,” said Butt
“I am proud to be part of what is the first instance in cricket history of anyone withdrawing from a cricket engagement due to insecurity reasons,” said future ex-captain Shahid Afridi, before thinking for a second and adding, “with the possible exception of SC Ganguly in that Nagpur match, of course.”
“WTF? We’re not participating? Then why did they bother dropping me from the probables?” asked an angry current ex-captain Shoaib Malik. Malik went on to immediately announce his retirement (for the time being) from all forms of cricket, saying he was tired of being continuously ignored by the selectors for tournaments that Pakistan were not going to play in anyway.
