Poor Inzi - even when he wins, they wont leave him alone …
:devil:
Inzimam the villain of the peace
By our nefarious affairs reporter
New Dehli: As evening fell on Ahmedabad and the sound of Inzis bat on Tendulkars ball were heard for the last time at the stadium, strange happenings were being reported on the streets in Karachi and Multan. According to freelance reporter Mullahdo Piaza, reports are emerging of major demonstrations from these towns where people are venting their anger on Inzimam and Bob Woolmer. The object of their protest was primarily Inzimam who they accuse of “choking” at a time when Pakistan needed his leadership. [Editors Note: Freelance investigative reporter Mullahdo Piaza is a distinguished local reporter who has to his credit famous stories such as “Crude Oil discovered near Karachi sewers - we are rich - hurray !”. His career came to an abrupt halt this year when he tried to report on speeding city buses while standing in the middle of Sharae Faisal]
Based upon these reports, it can be accurately surmised that Pakistani supporters though sheepishly happy with the last ball victory, are incensed about what they call “pure ghee” choking behaviour by Inzimam. In this regard, they singled out one particular act that showed Inzimams lack of tactical knowledge of the game. This was his misinformed decision to allow Ganguly to be run out when he was doing so well for Pakistan. Karim , a vocal protester lent his voice to this chorus of disapproval. He claimed “Ganguly, that excellent ambassador to this fine sport of cricket was doing a great job for the friendship between these two nations, when Mr. Smarty Pants and NO thigh guard, jumped in the middle and ordered his run out - where is the justice ? I demand ICC send in that Condon guy to sort this out - there is hanky and there is panky but this is beyond me !” With that comment, Kareem hurled one of his personal shoes into a bonfire, lit by fellow protesters to commemorate this win (later the one shoe’d Karim was seen hobbling about aimlessly looking for his other shoe … ) Reaction from Army House in Islamabad was also very severe and reeked of swift military justice. The President in an act of great friendship, immediately announced reward of USD$ 1 Million to support Ganguly and his sidekick, Irfan Pathan in their times of unemployment. According to a presidential decree, the award was made to Ganguly to reward him for his extreme sacrifices during the previous matches where he played a great role to help Pakistan rebuild their confidence.
In India, where the mood could only be described as muted jubilation, cricket fans celebrated in the usual upbeat manner. As drums of oil were thrown onto Gangulys car and set alight, most fun loving supporters danced about on the streets, singing the latest Hindi song “Thayeeaan Thayeeaan Thayeeaan, Ganguly Gayeeaan Gayeeaan”. Some rallies were also organized and prominent personalities such as the erstwhile social worker Mr. Modi, made some rousing speeches. In a moving passage, Mr. Modi praised the Pakistani team for its hardships to get rid of Ganguly and wished joy on the Pakistani nation saying that he initially thought that Pakistanis were a bunch of no hopers who he would personally remove from the face of earth - but, ( wiping tears ) now by helping us get rid of Ganguly, they have proved their true worth to India. And then, to rapturous applause, he announced unprecedented measures to save the lives of 6 more Muslims in the city during the next riot - due some time tomorrow.
Our BCCI correpsondent adds:
TheSourceNews was unable to contact any BCCI operatives but the head groundsman at Motera, Mr. Panee Lalwani was at hand with his comments over the phone. He said “Well, Ganguly had been helping the Pakistanis for too long and many in the Indian team and establishment always suspected that he was an informant for the ISI. We are thankful that this man is no more at the helm of affairs”. When further asked about the reason for extra water on the pitch, Mr Panee described this as revolutionary pitch maintenance techniques , all the rage in India and recommended by the local organization for charitable affairs - the Shiv Sena - “We may try other variations on this theme in Kanpur and Dehli - as it adds more spice to the proceedings”. TheSourceNews also caught up with Sachin Tendulkar as both teams came out to travel to their hotels and mental asylums. As he adjusted the driver height booster seat in his tax free Ferrai ( new device sponsored by Perpsi which allows him to see beyond the steering wheel), he was mildly critical of Ganguly and his team mates. He said “These **** were told to get their *** act together - I even ran through the middle of the pitch with my 6 inch stilletoe shoes but fancy hairdo boy Karthik couldn’t make anything of it. I am tired of playing with this team and can someone pls tell me why did they stop the match in the 48th over ? I thought it was a 50 over match and also, wasn’t the target 489 ?”.
Our PCB correspondent adds:
At the PCB HQ at Gaddafi stadiumm, news of Inzimams latest misdemeanour was greeted with a loud howls and shouts of “Aye Hao Oi Hoi Ganguly Sada Sher Hai, Baqi Saraay Laddoo Hain”. As Babu, a toilet cleaner and PCB’s resident expert on cricketing affairs at the stadium commented “This is the worst thing to happen since the gutters overflowed in the mens room last year - now that was bad - apparently a man called Mig was arrested for messing up the place - regardless - Inzimam has choked like many sewers in this area - I cant believe our luck”. Later on during the day, at a hastily press conference arranged near Mayo Hospital for the Permanently Distressed, Wasim Bari and Sarfraz Nawaz added their concerns to the reporters. In particular, Bari was very vocal and stated “We are concerned”. He then collapsed and was carried off to his cell by a clearly distressed Taufeeq Umar. Sarfraz Nawaz on the other hand, made no bones of what he felt . He added “I feel like ***, I mean first we keep getting this Ganguly fellow with lbws and clean bowleds, and now just when he looks in control - we run him out - have we lost our senses ? I tell ya, Its that Mota Gentleman , BW and his attached laptop - they have taken a man known for fun, friendship, hilarity and fair play ( a lot like me in my yesteryears ) Ganguly and thrown him to the dogs, I hate them all”.
and finally…
In other development, the Windsor Barbies Rounders club has withdrawn their offer to Irfan Pathan. This exclusive story was reported by TSN in the last few days and received wide coverage. According to a spokeswoman for rounders team, Irfan had been dropped due to the emergence of a newer and more appropriate prospect who is more suited to the game of rounders - his name ? Ashish Nehra !
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[TheSourceNews] at http://www.geocities.com/men_green_pakistan/TheSourceNews.html
:k: