**One scandal after another, where does it stop I say!! **
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Indians unhappy with Pakistani delay tactics
By our railways correspondent
Jamshedpur: As Rana Naveed administered the last rites to what remained of the Indian innings in the 3rd ODI, it was becoming obvious to most people that Saurav Ganguly, the Indian captain and team management were thoroughly disgusted with Pakistani delay tactics. In an exclusive phone call to TheSourceNews, an unknown source close to the Indian team made it clear that they were totally “gutted” by Inzimam’s gamesmanship and dishonesty, as demonstrated in a shameless display of delay tactics during this match.
Although Ganguly, for legal reasons and personal hygiene, was unavailable for comment, his lawyers did read out a statement to the press in which they lamented the good old days of honesty when Kumar was Kumar and Kapoor was Kapoor. In particular, they pointed out Pakistani batsmens tactics of occupying the crease, scoring runs at will and hitting unnecessary and OTT boundaries. These heinous acts resulted in the Indian team bowling just 2 overs an hour. This also necessitated the putting on standby, a total of 1 Million ambassador cars with their headlamps on ( main stadium lights failing due to electricity cuts ) in case they were required for the game to be completed on time. The statement further added that Pakistani delay tactics of scoring runs at a brisk pace also placed an enormous burden on Indian batsman, who in a display of great sacrifice, then tried their best to end the game on time - without any help from their Pakistani counterparts. The statement was sponsored by Hanes undergarments ( *no more sticky labels to bother your privates *)
It has also come to light that Ganguly has filed a complaint to the ICC , stating that the Pakistani team unfairly targetted him for dismissal through slip catching when it was clear that he was going to be out clean bowled anyway. *[Editors Note: TheSourceNews has since learnt of the unfortunate mental breakdown of Nobel prize winning Prof. MiggyLal. The prof who was responsible for the field of GanguloPhysics, which explains Gangulys clean bowled dismissals, was clearly distressed by the theory’s apparent failure ]. *
Reaction to these revelations could not be judged at the ground as most Indian spectators had left their seats after the 1st over of the Pakistani innings. The local authorities blamed this on the gloom brought on by combined effect of the Popes funeral and the sadness of yet another wedding involving Charles and Camilla. However, those brave souls who remained behind were not impressed by Pakistani tactics at all. One such supporter, Arun Sharma, clearly expressed his distaste for this Pakistani outfit saying “I though these people were sportsmen and they wanted to build bridges etc, but what do they do ? They unnecessarily delayed Ganguly as he rushed about the field chit chatting to each fielder about the latest in Bollywood movies - after every ball. And when we were batting, we ( the crowd) even tried to send messages to the Indian batsmen by throwing large message filled earthen jars but the Pakistani fieldsman ( that balding one ), Rana, just stopped it with his skull and gave it to the umpire - disgraceful indeed !”. Other reaction came from the TV commentary team. Ex cricketer Aamir Sohail, still recovering from his previous episode in Kolkatta where Shastri stole his personally assigned Gulab Jamans, was in a foul mood when asked about these allegations. He said "Well Sanjay, these Indians think we will let the game be over in a jiffy ? well they are the the wrong ! Pakistan had every right to delay the game and make sure that people could hear me repeat the same comment every 10 secs, forever "
Meanwhile on the streets in Pakistan, the mood was that of jubilation - as crowds of people laughed and danced the night away, there were a few voices of reason that could not be suppressed. One such voice was that of the ex great ex Pakistani ex cricketer, Sarfraz Nawaz. Speaking face to face with our correspondent, Sarfraz calmly pointed out that Pak batsman had no right to score 300+ on a good batting pitch and then restrict India to 200 or thereabouts. He said “Its a disgrace, this is a friendship series and we have made Ganguly look like a total nincompoop - this is all Bob Woolmers fault”. Another stalwart of Pakistan cricket, Wasim Bari as usual had other useful comments to add to this he said “Taufeeq is getting old now, we must marry him off into a good family too…”. He declined to make further comments due to mental health reasons.
Finally…
In other news, hot on the heels of the Boston Red Sox showing interest in Gilchrist, it’s been announced that the well known Womens Rounders Team , Windsor Barbies, have asked Irfan Pathan to appear in trials for them. The team spokesperson in a press release claimed that it was Irfans current bowling speed and his expert delivery of well directed beamers, that has impressed the team management and that coupled with his “natural perm”, he would be an ideal fit for the team .
[TheSourceNews]
