India rejoices as Sachin awarded the Victoria Cross
By our special correspondent
Kolkatta: The famous city of Kolkatta is ablaze with celebrations,fireworks, fires and many many pickpockets, as news spreads that India’s most famous legal son, the Pundit Swami Sachin Tendulkar Maharishi has been awarded the Victoria Cross for heroism and bravery beyond the call of duty.
This longish announcement ( sponsored by Pepsi - Yah Dil Mangay Aur) was made today by the Her Majesty the Queen’s representative to India, in a brief telegram to TheSourceNews.
The telegram recieved in our good offices reads
“Good News stop Sachin little one stop gets Victoria Cross stop Only living man to get this honour for his lone and heroic battle against SightScreen, Light and The Evil Umpire Bucknor- stop stop please stop”
Whereas, details of the actual citation for this award are unclear but sources close to The Queen tell us that Pundit Tendulkar was chosen for this award due to his steadfast and stoic stand against the sightscreen and light conditions, encouraged by the Evil Umpire Bucknor.
Apparently, Pundit Tendulkar ( PT) singlehandedly attacked the sightscreen, complained about the light and then blew harmful words at the Evil but equally blind, Umpire Bucknor. He also faced countless attacks from a Pakistani tribesman and especially one called Afridi. Through all this, his strength of character shone like a burst of fresh sewage from the local system. It is this quality that the Crown has recognized and rewarded appropriately.
As kudos and good wishes blew in from all corner of the globe, PT was overcome with emotions. In an private interview with TheSourceNews, he tearfully admitted that all this was due to his own hardwork and India had nothing to do with it. He did single out for praise, his personal slave, Dravid Kumar who apparently stood by as his world blew up around him. Dravid Kumar was unavailable for comment as he is still nursing ear wounds after getting an earful from Afridi. Other experts on unsavoury affairs such as the legendary, The Aamir Sohail, also joined in the applause, stating “These Indians have produced great people like PT and I am proud to be given a chance to provide the expert comments that no one would bother listenening to in my native land - Oh thanks to the mighty India and I love you Shastri”.
Tonight, as these Indians slowly grasp the true meaning of this award - many are still wondering what new awards PT will be able to win in the near future ? According to many, the Victoria Cross is just another milestone to the main award, an Oscar for best actor in Cricket !
[With Apologies to many admirers of SRT and The Aamir Sohail , around the world] 
Great one