***How will they spend their summer holidays ? ***
A TSN exclusive…
By our sports editor Prof. MiggyLal
It has been a long season of wall to wall cricket for our fine bunch of intrepid warriors. In between fighting amongst themselves , they have almost tasted success against Sri Lanka, kinda success against Australia, some to and fro with India and to top it all, a little tussle with the (now) strong West Indian team !
As Pakistan Cricket’s international commitments come to a serene close for this summer, TheSourceNews , invites you to let down your hair, slip on something comfortable and explore with us, some of the thoughts, in the minds of some of the “players” as they prepare for their summer lay off !
Inzamam-ul-Haq : A summer of love and joy for our skipper. TSN feels that he can now rest his feet on the laurels of last year but knowing his active persona, we predict that he will continue to work hard on his running skills – i.e. running back and forth to pick up diapers for his latest child.
Yousuf Youhanna: The star of many a battle for Pakistan, he will be spending some time and a few bob, repairing his hard earned Mercedes and chasing kids who are bored with studies and want to pelt stones for fun. He would be well advised to put in some work on an electrified fence around his beloved possession to fry the next idiot who comes near it - TSN fears the worst for Razzaq…
Younis Khan: Younis will take time to re-examine his showering skills – Should he apply shampoo first, thus risk not seeing Afridi approach or should he go for lifebouy over body approach first, thereby greatly reducing the opponents grip ? Recall that he was caught out on the WI tour - showering while not paying due attention to his teams sentiments. This time round, he will practice showering with a water proof version of the batting order in case members of the team express a burning desire to discuss it with him. In case things do turn ugly, his bat will do the talking from either end….
Shahid Afridi: Will be spending time with the Dalai Lama to pacify his inner beast as he feels that the many months of unbridled aggression would have taken toll on the spirit of this gentlest of men. We feel that he will need to spend some quality time with the Lama Man - there is of course a very real danger that Afridi will get bored with the man of peace and deposit him on the long on boundary. Mr. Lama - you have been warned…
Shoaib Malik : Will spend his summer days and nights wondering which new position he could possibly bat on ? His current favorite No 3 is up for a 2 weekly review and he fears that due to his eagerness to play at any position (ascertained by his coach), a number 12 (with drinks and towels) beckons with open arms!
Bazid Khan: The Son of Khan will be spending some time in isolation on top of K2. During his meditation and in those secluded moments, the actual reason for his inclusion and then removal from the test squad will slowly become apparent. Unfortunately by the time this happens, it will the year 2045. He may well wonder that with his rotten luck, he will bypass his playing days and end up as tour manager for Pakistan’s 100th tour to India.
Yasir Hameed: His current reputation as one suited more for deep water fishing than for providing opening options for Pakistan will mean that, he will be found at the Keamari harbour, working at his uncle’s fish business. He may feel that he doesn’t have the it in him to lead a Pakistan team in the future but he could be Captain Hameed without a problem!
Salman Butt: He will continue memorizing all 7000 pages of War and Peace and work on writing his 10000 page memoirs. This will train him to pass time during tours where he doesn’t play as Pakistan’s first choice specialist opener ( a job he is usually picked for in the first place )
Asim Kamal: Given his treatment before, he will be playing it very safe and living in a tent outside Gaddafi stadium. His aim will be to ensure that next time Bari and his mates meet up for their convention, they don’t “accidentally” ignore him for the England series.
Abdul Razzaq: The hard worker that is Razzaq will be working on his batting skills and if some media reports are to be believed, renewing his membership with the ‘Taliban Association for the elimination of all Christians” [Pls see Youhanas electrified fence idea] In his spare time this summer, he will also wonder if he should take 11 wickets in an innings before people consider him worthy of his place in a Pak test team!
Kamran Akmal. Akmal, like the true student of the game he is, will be working hard on an addendum to theory of relativity, as apparently that is easier to do then to prove to some that he is Pakistan’s next wicket keeper for some time to come!
Rana Naveed. He will be using his stunning good looks, patriotic fervor, big heart and sincere attitude in attempting to wipe out world hunger and poverty – he may also want to spend some time in the nets with some Pak greats to ensure that he also becomes a good bowler and actually takes wickets in a test match.
Shabbir Ahmed: The perpetually troubled Pakistani fast bowler, has been marked by the Pakistani Olympic committee to take part in next Olympics Javelin competition. He will obviously need to ensure that he clearly understands which sport he is participating in. when training for this event - in case he stabs himself in the foot with a perfect delivery!
Danish Kaneria: He may feel that he is relaxing in Colchester or Southend this summer, but is he really at peace? We firmly believe that he will be visiting his local shrink to try and get to the bottom of his nightmares. Apparently, whenever he closes his eyes, he sees a world class West Indian left hander winding up to hit him out of the ground!
Mohammed Sami: The most delicate and easily startled of all Pakistani creatures, Sami will be wondering if wearing high heels was such a great idea! Sure it went with the highlights in his hair but was the pain worth it? Additionally, he may be looking for a new hair dye for that autumn look for the England series. He may also want to work with the same guy who will do wonders with Rana…..
Shahid Nazir: More traveled than perhaps Marco Polo himself, Shahid will be working on intelligent ways of cashing his airmiles and loyalty points with PIA – sure his foreign trips have yielded no games at all but they were earned in service of his country, were they not? He fears that with the balance he will end up with by the time he retires, he might as well start cashing them in now…
Shoaib Akhtar: Is it a plane or is it a Ferrari or is it Super Shoaib? Nobody really knows the inner workings of this mans mind. However, TSN sources tell us that after refusing Mahesh’s Butts offer to work as a “person who can act”, Shoaib will actually hit the headlines as the star attraction in this summer’s Michelin Tire road show. This road show, by some extreme stroke of luck will pass by Worcestershire – On his off days, he has also promised to play some cricket for Worcestershire. Local night clubs are on standby…
Bob Woolmer: The Evil English coach or Chacha Bob or Bobbo – take your pick – he’s had a tough few months. First Waheed Khan, then the fans and then the Shoaib saga – the guy needs a break. At TSN, we have the perfect answer for him. How about a University course titled, “How to answer fan mail by using more than 2 words”. It is hoped that after a summers worth of training to expand his web vocabulary, answers such as “yes” , “can be” , “true” “good point” will be replaced by more meaningful prose.
Wasim Bari: For Bari, the famous Beatles songs “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.” would be so apt – wouldn’t it ? With his troubles at the Mayo clinic for the Mentally Less Stable, firmly behind him – he will be looking for another great series against England. Rumors suggest that his right-hand boy, Taufeeq, is all set for a flight to Australia to help Pakistan battle England ( in Pakistan )
Taufeeq Umar: Taufeeq will be a relieved man - being glad that he is home and not sitting at Sydney Airport wondering his place in the universe, he must now be thinking about why he was sent there by Bari for the West Indian tour – he will be happy to know that Bari has good plans for him.
Haroon Rasheed; After a less than notable year for this proud servant of Pakistan cricket, Haroon will be scouring the newspapers for any ( and we mean, any ) signs of good news – Its been many months since he was sacked last, the pain is just starting to ebb away . However, TSN can report that powers that could be, aren’t happy with Saleem Altaf – anyone seen Haroon ?
Sharyar Khan: Mr. Khan is now enjoying a well earned rest in Lahore – he’s had a tough year visiting Pakistani dressing rooms around the world with as many hangers ons that he could muster – His hard talks with Shoaib may have deflated the bowlers ego but seems to have inflated his waist line. TSN predicts another tough year for our beloved Khan Sahib !
And Finally…
Babu : What a year our favorite toilet cleaner has had ? Promoted to chief tactician at PCB around the Australian series, Babu has had his feet and mop firmly placed on terra firma – he has refused to let this promotion get to his head. He hasnt let go of his original occupation as PCBs only qualified toilet cleaner AND the man Wasim Bari turns for advice when confronted with complex selectorial matters.
TSN can proudly predict that among all players and staff mentioned above – Babu is the only one who will sleep with a smile this summer. Whereas, PCBs main tactician can look forward to another summer of blissfully blocked toilets, he will also be required to put in some thoughts for tackling England in November as well - Way to go PCB and kudos to Babu, we say - *TSN cant wait for the results of that series, can you ? *
