**
Botham shaken heavily by explosion:devil: **
By our explosive correspondent
FAISALABAD: Ex England Living Legend and great player and exponent of (non) reverse swing, Ian Botham was left shocked, speechless and gutless after a gas cylinder exploded in the rear of the commentary box, while he was commentating during the second test against Pakistan on Monday.
The explosion occurred after a burst of hot air from the direction of English commentators caused gases inside gas cylinder to reach critical mass. Waqar Younis and Rameez Raja, who were also in the commentary box at the same time, also suffered minor injuries but thankfully no live animals were harmed, senior police DIG SheikhJee said.
Whereas the SkySports production team were at a loss to explain the reason behind this explosion, TSNs ever present psychiatrist, Prof Miggy Lal has claimed that the explosions main cause was the unusual amounts of hot air originating from the area where Botham was seated. This coupled with some more vile stuff by Bob Willis from London, resulted in the gas inside the cylinder (used to blow gas balloons to keep the commentary team amused ) reaching critical mass, causing the unnatural explosion.
Waqar Younis, who witnessed and experienced the explosion described the incident. He said that he was busy settling an important technical argument between Bumbles Lloyd and Rameez Raja over who gets a pink balloon when he noticed that the Bothams face was going deep red ( this seem to coincide with Pakistan doing well on the field ) . Before Waqar could react, Rameez had snatched the balloon and was in the process of handing it to Sanjay Manjrekar when the whole commentary box went up in smithereens!
Reacting to the news of the blast, the PCB dispatched its chief planner, Babu the toilet cleaner, to the scene of the blast. Babu, who has experienced such explosions first hand during his many days in the gents toilets at the Gaddafi, immediately decided to defuse the situation by asking the local pipe band to play a famous folk song titled “Botham Phat gaya Faisalabad main, Hay Jamalo” ( translated: Our distinguished guest Mr. Ian has caused an almighty din, Oi you! Jamalo). This brought comic relief and smiles on the faces of all players and audience – resulting in some players like Afridi dancing away on the pitch, with fashionable spikes, to show their appreciation to Babu.
Our Scotland Yard correspondent adds:
Meanwhile in London, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, PC Plod, has issued a press statement describing today’s explosion as a suspicious event. He said “It is clear that some simplistic minded individuals in Pakistan would have us believe that this is not a terrorist operation but our local operatives (an ex Pakistani cricketer whose first name begins with S and last with N and sounds like Sarfraz Nawaz) has confirmed that the mastermind behind this explosion was none other than the evil Foreign national of dubious nature (and Pakistani coach) – Bob Woolmer! “ He has paid some of his operatives - code named “Baldy” and “The Pathan”, to undermine the lives of some innocent model British citizens such as Steve Harmison and Ian Bell.
In his defense, Mr. Bob denied the charge and explained his position. When asked on his website, if he was indeed responsible for this dastardly act, he replied rather eloquently “No. now buzz off”
And now for some news from the medical front…
Steve Harmison and Ian Bell have been admitted to the Faisalabad MurgeCholay Hospital with some unusual complaints. Bell, England hero of the day for dismissing Mohammad Yousuf with what most English experts describe as a “brilliant” catch is reported to be suffering from “Finger Amnesia” - in this condition, the patient is unable to tell if objects such as cricket balls have touched their hands or not. His team mate, another bowler of BobWillesque proportions, Harmison, has been diagnosed with temporary Stump blindness - in this particular disease, the subject is unable to distinguish between a stationary object , such as Inzamam and a set of stumps.!
