Re: Sass
ooh and one more thing ladies. Treat your saas exactly the same way you would like to be treated by your bahu if you are lucky enough to have a boy. Remember what goes around comes around. Personally that's how I'd treat my parents.
Re: Sass
Loving a guy's mom and allowing the mom to make the majority of decisions that really ought to be between the husband and wife are two different things.
Love on one side, respect on another. Giving a couple their space is respectful. Saas does that, and bahu will return the favor indeed.
I think minah-pa has explained it very well.
Re: Sass
Oh aur haan, lussi, you might love your mother, but remember, your wife will be the mother of your children. She deserves respect too, and she certainly has more priority than your mom in making decisions that involve your kids.
That's really all I'm saying by saas's interference.
Re: Sass
Oh by the land below me, lussi, you must be a boy.
I have to love and respect my husband, I do not have to love his family, just as he doesn't have to love mine. I must respect them and their position, that is all, just as he must do for mine. I love my husband absolutely, but I would never allow another woman to run my house, that includes his mom. Respect her opinion, yes.... listen to her, yes..... allow her to put me down or be disrespectful to me, absolutely not.
Again, as I said earlier, if you chose a man with a backbone, this is not an issue. He can have a backbone and still be respectful, too. I don't think this is overly possesive either, this is what every woman needs, a house and the respect and support of her man.
lussi said:
[QUOTE]
Treat your saas exactly the same way you would like to be treated by your bahu if you are lucky enough to have a boy. Remember what goes around comes around. Personally that's how I'd treat my parents.
[/QUOTE]
That is exactly how I look at it. My son is almost there and I will treat his bride (when he decides on one) with respect as the woman of his house. I have my own house, why should I run his as well.
Re: Sass
So the guy who asks for his mom's input before making any decision is a wimp? Well in that case he should'nt even ask for input from his wife. That's pretty cowering too. Then a man should just make his own decision and not worry how they'll affect ppl close to him.
A couple definately should be given their space. But the problem lies with how much space is enough? Husband's and wife's answer may vary. Because lets face it none of the bahus really like to be around their saas because primarily the saas sets them to their right spot.
Re: Sass
Who said he is a wimp? Input is one thing, allowing negative comments and personalities is another.
The only thing I would question is why he would go to his mom before he goes to his wife. He has a life with his wife, not his mother. His decisions affect his wife, not his mother. His first alliance after marriage is to his wife, not his mother.
This is how it should be. As I said, I speak as a mother of a 17 yr old boy and a soon to be 16 yr old girl. When and if they marry, their allegiance is first to their family, then to me.
Re: Sass
It depends upon the decision lussi. You sound to me to be a momma's boy. Cute. But remember, if the decision involves your own children - then your wife gave birth to them and raised them, so she has priority to make that decision with you. Your mom doesn't have anything to do with the decision. She can advise based on her own experiences, but she can't make any decisions FOR your and your wife.
Re: Sass
PCG, mother-in-laws do try to boss their son-in-laws around, either through the daughter or directly. It’s just that guys are brought up to not take any such attempts seriously, or start complaining to wife or take on the heart and cry while sitting in the room for hours.
Whenever my mother-in-law tells me that I should find a job near her town, I usually reply with great compassion that I am trying but to no vain, and that she should continue to pray. 
Re: Sass
oo good one - i can use that one on mine. who said girls have to listen to their mil's? ;)
Re: Sass
lol, ahmadjee, not arguing but stating a fact
My mother LOVES my husband and thinks everything he does and says must be the right thing to do. She goes out of her way to lecture me if I don't agree with him about something.
So, what about mother's who chose the husband of their daughter over the daughter????
I like your reply to your mother-in-law, lol
Re: Sass
I think I’m gonna end up in that situation minah pa 
I can already sense my mom wants someone efficient, because apparently I’m not. 
Re: Sass
If my m-i-l has to choose between me or my wife, she will most probably choose me because I argue less even if I don’t do the things she tells me to & because even when I disagree I use words that make it sound sooo good. 
The day you guys realize that old people are like children, who needs little things to cheer them up, can be manipulated as easy as a 3 year old and that you are the one who is actually the mature adult in the house, life living with the in-laws will be worry free. I haven’t met a 55+ that I couldn’t charm up in a sitting. ahem ahem
Re: Sass
Ahmedjee Great going …
Ladies look at the bright side Mama’s boy is going be your boy one day
In any relationship you need to have an open mind and analyze and asses that person and then devise a plan to deal with the person but in terms of “Sass bahu” relationship there is such an amazing amount of negativity which most women carry. It amazes me how even teenage girls have such hate for their sass. Here on gupshup ladies have not even married have such strong negative opinion about the sass. Women married and facing bad mother in laws is understandable but just hearing stories and starting thinking that you will also be in such a similar condition is just so …… what should I say…..“Feminine”
Mothers as well have these pre-conceived notions how the bahu is dark the under taker whose sole purpose of her life is to take their son away from them. Why are women like this ? Why do you hate each other so much? Insecure nature ?
What will it take for the women to have at least an open mind about their sass before they start to devise ways of killing? ( Sass on fire…if you insit on doing it Wouldn't poisoning be easy? Why fire? )
As for the poor guy the guy should surly be just and support who ever is right. Be diplomatic and tactful as ahmedjee demonstrated above.
Re: Sass
awwww, gee, silly me.... So few things in this world pi** me off more than a condesending attitude from a man who thinks legitimate feelings are a joke.
Guess I'm not "feminine" since I didn't have this preconcieved notion about M-I-L's or a hatred of my own gender. But then I really listened to both men I married and knew they believed as I believed before I consented to marry.
Women don't hate each other, I think this has to do with the support system of the wife. Most men are under the assumption and belief that MOM is always right and the wifey will just have to deal, making the wife feel powerless and with no control. Then there is no option for the wife when it is bad, especially since marriage is a lifelong committment you don't just leave. You wouldn't believe the horror stories I have heard, right down to wifes being treated as servants from a MIL and one I know of as being beaten by the MIL practically every other day, then again from the husband for making his poor mommy upset (one of the truly heartwarming stories from the Pakistan side of the family).
I think it all comes down to the attitude of the man you marry. If he thinks it is a joke or, as the above poster notes, something that is "feminine" then it will be there and it will not get better. You will have no support as a wife. Take the hint and move on to the next possible suitor. The world is filled with men and there is always one who will think as you do. This goes for many things, not just the in-law issue.